Today, I woke up to my wife talking in her sleep, "No Brandon! I don't want to have sex!" My wife won't have sex with me when she's awake OR in her dreams. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend admitted she had a nightmare about having sex with me. FML
Today, I was having sex with my wife, when she fell asleep. She then woke up and started moaning, clearly faking an orgasm. FML
Today, when my girlfriend woke me up, she said, "I just had the sexiest dream." Thinking she was feeling frisky, I started to try to fool around with her. She pulled away and said, "Well it wasn't about YOU." FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5am to tell me she was mad at me. Apparently I did something bad in her dream. She still won't talk to me. FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML
Today, it's the third night in a row that I have had a sexual dream involving another woman. I'm married and when I tried talking to my husband about pleasing me better, he told me he doesn't want to go down on me because it makes him nervous. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to initiate sex with me in my sleep. He confessed to thinking that if he did it lightly enough, I'd think I was just dreaming. FML
Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML
Today, my wife had a dream in which I died while she was pregnant. This is troubling, especially since I had the exact same dream the day before. FML
Today, I woke up from a wet dream. My girlfriend quickly figured it out and bitched me out for having one when she was "right there" for me to ask for sex. Logic failure aside, the last time I flirted with her, she called me a sex-obsessed pig and didn't talk to me for three days. FML
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Top comments
ForestFire0 1
I just moderated this one an hour ago! This is very exciting for me. I've never had that happen before. The power is intoxicating! I think I'll fire someone tomorrow! This feeling's great!
MissCherrywhipx 0
Unlucky!
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Comments (203)
24788 7
Haha, it probably was a conversation and she rejected him. Win for you.
0geckofun_ 0
YDI for having a stupid name like Brandon :) and jandersoniii, in your first post (rant) you used the words 'women' and 'female', but in your second post, you contradict yourself, saying you have to use 'womyn' and 'femail.' and you are ridiculous in your hatred of men. You might not even know it, but you are being prejudiced against women by saying such things like "women are so much better then men." This statement puts females on some sort of a pedestal, kind of like saying, "Oh, women are weak and helpless, we need to PROTECT them, they can't take care of themselves." Now that is just sickening. And also, a lot of men are for women's equality. Yes, some men are assholes. So are some women. I am a girl and I believe this.
genius_man16 1
jandersoniii -- you are a complete and utter moron. 9 in 10 women will get raped in their life? 1 billion women are raped or murdered every second? (oh wait, you switched it to 10 million in your next post... which one is it?) Do you realize how immensely idiotic you are showing yourself to be? You are so beyond retarded I can't have a rational argument with you. I hope you get run over by a bus and die. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with the OP wanting to have sex with his wife. SHE'S HIS ******* WIFE. Would you rather him go have sex with other women? To the OP: you should go to a sex counselor. It's NOT healthy to be in a marriage with no sex, it's just not. People can try and defend it all they want, but the fact is that sex is a big part of relationships, and not getting any is a big deal. At the very least you need to know WHY she won't have sex with you, and if worse comes to worse, get divorced. I sincerely hope it doesn't come to that though.
jennafa000 0
hey uh #82 nomadxx7. you are ******* amazing. and I am a woman. not a ******* womyn. lmfao at that one.
BaldOuting 0
at least it was your name.
jennafa000 0
womyn...that made me LOL. I am a woman and I didn't believe or agree with anything #63 said. #82 nomadxx7 knows what he's talking about. stupid feminists bitches.
shroomis 0
#62 you wanna bitch about equality sign up for the fucken draft...
xya943 0
I agree, at least it was your name. But that sucks, man.
fxdxhk90 0
Number 62, you might actually be retarded. I am glad that you will forever abstan from sex, cause that will not allow you to pollute the human gene pool. Seriously, no one gives a shit about your insane opinions. Go start a femi nazi cult somewhere, and leave normal people alone.
ithedarkknight 0
yea see whats up with your wife like #99 said if she is still on that bullshit then idk get better at sex and find another women and blow her brains out usual when a girl doesn't want sex and its not there time of the month you probably fail at pleasing them?