Today, I woke up from a wet dream. My girlfriend quickly figured it out and bitched me out for having one when she was "right there" for me to ask for sex. Logic failure aside, the last time I flirted with her, she called me a sex-obsessed pig and didn't talk to me for three days. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much at a family reunion. When I looked around the room, over 10 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5am to tell me she was mad at me. Apparently I did something bad in her dream. She still won't talk to me. FML
Today, I had a nightmare and woke up in a cold sweat. My girlfriend was in bed with me at the time, and swears I yelled out another girl's name. She considers this proof that I'm cheating on her, and now she won't even speak to me. FML
Today, I had a dream where I was cuddling with a girl. She rolled over to face me, snuggled up into the crook of my neck, then muttered in disgust, "Ugh, your breath stinks!" Cock-blocked in my own dreams. FML
Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML
Today, I woke up from an amazing dream I was having about my girlfriend. We were laughing and holding hands, the kind of dream I wanted to stay asleep for. When I finally got up, I was excited to tell her about the dream but then I remembered. We broke up a week ago. FML
Today, I got woken up and kicked out of bed. Apparently if I cheat in her dreams it still counts. FML
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, my wife had a dream that I was in the bath with our newborn baby. In the dream, I threw the baby out like a football. She can't get the image out of her head and won't forgive me. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me after I told her I was learning how to start having lucid dreams. She was convinced the only reason I could possibly want to have them was so I could cheat on her in my own dreams. FML
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Top comments
man_eating_bunny 18
Somebody's indecisive...
jenninator93 18
Just gonna say, yes FYL but YDI a little bit for staying in a relationship with a total psycho.
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Comments (74)
man_eating_bunny 18
Somebody's indecisive...
quickit 24
#18 I didn't even think about that.. dang. Op sounds like he's having a rough time with this one.
ZacPalmer 12
I don't know if you consider beating off being sexually active but I do it once every few days and still get wet dreams so being sexually active has nothing to do with it. It's the amount of sperm/semen your body produces versus how much it can hold.
wallamanut 14
this may be TMI, but I ********** around 3-4 times a day. I've never gotten a wet dream as far as I can remember.
badluckalex 23
I dont even want to know how you have time to do that
shanebob 15
That's....a lot.
ShenaniganNinja 20
More than just indecisive, she's controlling. Op's sexual urges are her property, and he is only allowed to be aroused when she says so. Too other people who tolerate this stuff, you're enabling controlling and emotionally abusive relationships. Go do some research on emotionally abusive relationships and you'll probably see that yours fits the criteria. Get out OP. FYL
mykeenblade 7
My bf usually does four to eight every day, and gets rather sore if he lets it build up. So yeah... O.O But anyway. Honestly OP, that sounds really awful and I feel really sorry for you. Besides. your girlfriend should have just woken you up and gotten some fun started if she was so ready ;)
cmchappy 25
Seems as if she's a control freak.sorry to hear op
royal_ranger 12
Almost every time I see you comment. It is negative lol. Mine will Prob be negative too but idgaf.
cmchappy 25
Were in this together now
edward80 18
We're
Z3R0G5 23
The "FML" life really has it against you
Jmgonzo 10
You do know autocorrect corrects we're to were right? And do you really think someone is stupid enough to think were means we're? Just get the **** out of here with that crap.
jenninator93 18
Just gonna say, yes FYL but YDI a little bit for staying in a relationship with a total psycho.
MrConcise 35
How is he expected to break up with her? OP: We're through, I'm gonna move out. Girlfriend: What, I can't fend for myself because I'm a woman, you sexist?! OP: Okay, get your shit out of here. Girlfriend: Is chivalry is dead, you insensitive douche? You can't uproot me!
Arwen_Evenstar 37
Assuming they're living together.
ImmortalYu 11
I'm sorry but 20 said it all
dragonrider1959 18
He was just trying to make the relationship work. What's wrong with that?
ShenaniganNinja 20
Sounds like victim blaming. If it was a physically abusive relationship and the genders were reversed, would you blame the woman for the abuse because she stayed a bit longer than she should have?
Jmgonzo 10
No I would blame the man for being a psycho. Nobody here is blaming this on the fact she's a woman. I think if anybody here is being sexist it's you
ShenaniganNinja 20
No I'm merely pointing out double standards. You're blaming him for staying but no one would do that if the genders were flipped.
limabeans101029 21
95- Yes they would. I've seen loads of fmls about women in bad relationships with comments like "YDI for staying with them".
6pointstuntin 12
win
may14th 26
relationship goals part 2
AMcM_fml 21
Move on dude...
ckibb97 22
It seems like you have just discovered something called women
TiggyBonkers 32
Ditch the Bitch
blondeamazonian 18
Ugh. Women. Says the girl that is frustrated with home complicated everything has to be all the time...
JadeWinter 16
Tbh I feel like sex is a really really important part of a relationship. If she's treating you like that, and making you feel like a fiend for having natural urges, and making you feel guilty and etc, I'm sorry to say that this relationship probably won't last too long. Find someone who's as sexually driven as you are. I feel like that's a major key (not the only key though) to a healthy long and happy relationship. Hopefully things work out before you're too scarred to ask for sex because you feel like there's something wrong with you. I've been there, a few friends have been there too... It's not fun.
MrConcise 35
I smell bullshit, men *always* wanna have sex. We're not people, just hormone-driven penises with a sentient mannequin attached.
tigerisabelle 31
I mean I agree for this relationship, but there are plenty of people out there who, for whatever reason, decide not to include sex into their relationship even though one might want it (religious reasons, etc.) I think these relationships can work, they just take a little extra effort. Obviously that's not the case for this FML and OP you should definitely talk to your girlfriend or maybe decide to go separate ways if this is something that's going to constantly make you question your relationship.
JadeWinter 16
I guess what I mean is being on the same page when it comes to sex. :)
Rababco 29
I don't think it's so much about sex as much as the fact that the gf sounds psycho, indecisive and controlling. It just doesn't seem like it's a healthy relationship; OP can't make his girlfriend happy and she's always mad at him and making him feel bad. It sounds like he's in an emotionally abusive relationship.
fleaguss 14
Tough crowd.