Today, I woke up to my wife talking in her sleep, "No Brandon! I don't want to have sex!" My wife won't have sex with me when she's awake OR in her dreams. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, my girlfriend admitted she had a nightmare about having sex with me. FML
Actor's Studio
Today, I was having sex with my wife, when she fell asleep. She then woke up and started moaning, clearly faking an orgasm. FML
Today, when my girlfriend woke me up, she said, "I just had the sexiest dream." Thinking she was feeling frisky, I started to try to fool around with her. She pulled away and said, "Well it wasn't about YOU." FML
Shame on you!
Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5am to tell me she was mad at me. Apparently I did something bad in her dream. She still won't talk to me. FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML
Nervous nelly
Today, it's the third night in a row that I have had a sexual dream involving another woman. I'm married and when I tried talking to my husband about pleasing me better, he told me he doesn't want to go down on me because it makes him nervous. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to initiate sex with me in my sleep. He confessed to thinking that if he did it lightly enough, I'd think I was just dreaming. FML
Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML
Dreams never end
Today, my wife had a dream in which I died while she was pregnant. This is troubling, especially since I had the exact same dream the day before. FML
Night terror
Today, I woke up from a wet dream. My girlfriend quickly figured it out and bitched me out for having one when she was "right there" for me to ask for sex. Logic failure aside, the last time I flirted with her, she called me a sex-obsessed pig and didn't talk to me for three days. FML
Top comments
ForestFire0 1
I just moderated this one an hour ago! This is very exciting for me. I've never had that happen before. The power is intoxicating! I think I'll fire someone tomorrow! This feeling's great!
MissCherrywhipx 0
Unlucky!
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Comments (203)
damnstopmessinup 0
fyl. she shouldn't have married you if she wasn't attracted to you like that. sorry man.
monicamischief 0
that's bullshit,92. if you truly love your SO, you will let them sleep with someone else to satisfy themselves. i cannot handle not having sex for a long time. i, unlike the women in this FML, have an actual sex drive. it's not being unfaithful if the other person gives you permission to be with someone else. also, i have very HIGH respect for myself. which is why i would expect to have that right if my boyfriend could not have sex with me for a year or something sex DOES matter. dddd it's not that i would not stay with him through the situation. but i would expect to be able to get off with someone else. that IS the kind thing to do for your lover. i don't know if you have a very very low sex drive, or what but i could not handle going like, six months without sex i would be horribly upset and depressed and if you really love someone, you would not want them to go through that. plus, if you really love someone, and they really love you, you would know that it would be alright ******* is just physiccal. it's not emotional i would MUCH rather have my boyfriend cheat on me physically than emotionally. i am not saying that i would go out and cheat on a normal situation i would never do that but if a situation came up where he couldn't take care of my physical needs i would expect him to gvie me permission to be with someone else. it wouldn't change my love for him, or his love for me or it shouldn't, if you are truly in love.
xxstealthxx 0
thats sooo sad, not joking, that sucks. Why wont she have sex? Get a wife that wants to ride lol
SirAwesome 0
I'll have sex with you, jandersoniii. I'll even go down on you - I don't mind hairy pussy.
kariemika 0
Wow. FYL Fer Sure
monkizle 0
i agree w/ baldouting. at least it was ur name!
xxsunshine 0
#62 would be more credible in their feminist crusade if they could spell the word 'women' correctly. [:
xxsunshine 0
okay, i went back and read more of #62's comments. i'm honestly getting sincerely offended. i'm a tiny bit feminist myself, and the hate you are spewing is bullsh*t. did you just crawl out of some 1 million year old time capsule? i've never heard anyone say such unintelligent things in the entirety of my life. first of all, who said the OP was forcing sexual things onto her? no one. you don't know the OP's wife, so don't put words in her mouth. you're ******* crazy. "some statistics: 9 in 10 women will get raped in her lifetime. over 1 billion women are raped or murdered every second." alright, DUMBSHIT- there are only 6.7 billion people in the entire world as of july 2008. so basically, in less than a minute, you're saying that at least half of the people in the world will be raped or murdered. i believe after about a week of this fake-ass statistic, there wouldn't be anybody left in the world. dipshit. 9 in 10 women? i doubt it. "i know my shit because i have a PHD in queer studies with a concentration on radical feminist literature at the university of eastern new mexico so i know more about what womyn really go through than any of you *******." you're ******* retarded. it isn't even worth talking to you... a person with a PhD wouldn't have an intelligence as low as yours. queer studies doesn't even exist. you have no idea what women go through, it's not the bullshit you make up. what the ****? "SHES NOT YOUR WIFE. that implies shes yours - it creates a power relation. she is a partner. thats it. **** you for using such terrible degrading language and i hope she kicks you in the balls for it." i hope someone kicks you in the balls. you're probably a neo-nazi scumbag. if he weren't allowed to call her 'my wife', then she certainly shouldn't be calling him, 'my husband', now should she? stop incinuating double standards. way to go, douchebag. if you're preaching gender equality, try to loosen up your feminist overtones. you're just embarrassing feminists everywhere who are approaching issues with a more educated and respectful approach that doesn't attack men and blame them for the problems of society. granted, men have problems, but it's not as if they're all to blame. there are good men, and bad men, and there are good women, and bad women. bottom line? there are good people and bad people, and just because they're a certain gender doesn't mean they are any worse. in case you haven't forgotten, men and women need each other to procreate. i don't mean 'need each other' in some sort of clingy strange way, but i mean it as that this is the way to procreate and reproduce. it's because of ignorant, psychotic people like you that awful occurences like genocide still exist in the world. i hope you get run over by a bus. twice.
masterjedai_828 0
Sucks for you. Not for me though. ;)
rustyrox 0
must fix that