Today, I woke up to my wife talking in her sleep, "No Brandon! I don't want to have sex!" My wife won't have sex with me when she's awake OR in her dreams. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend admitted she had a nightmare about having sex with me. FML
Today, I was having sex with my wife, when she fell asleep. She then woke up and started moaning, clearly faking an orgasm. FML
Today, when my girlfriend woke me up, she said, "I just had the sexiest dream." Thinking she was feeling frisky, I started to try to fool around with her. She pulled away and said, "Well it wasn't about YOU." FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5am to tell me she was mad at me. Apparently I did something bad in her dream. She still won't talk to me. FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML
Today, it's the third night in a row that I have had a sexual dream involving another woman. I'm married and when I tried talking to my husband about pleasing me better, he told me he doesn't want to go down on me because it makes him nervous. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to initiate sex with me in my sleep. He confessed to thinking that if he did it lightly enough, I'd think I was just dreaming. FML
Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML
Today, my wife had a dream in which I died while she was pregnant. This is troubling, especially since I had the exact same dream the day before. FML
Today, I woke up from a wet dream. My girlfriend quickly figured it out and bitched me out for having one when she was "right there" for me to ask for sex. Logic failure aside, the last time I flirted with her, she called me a sex-obsessed pig and didn't talk to me for three days. FML
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Top comments
ForestFire0 1
I just moderated this one an hour ago! This is very exciting for me. I've never had that happen before. The power is intoxicating! I think I'll fire someone tomorrow! This feeling's great!
MissCherrywhipx 0
Unlucky!
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Comments (203)
testermctest 0
Women like this give the rest of us a bad name. A wife who is well and able to please her husband sexually but refuses to do so is a failure of a wife. Of course she need not indulge a fetish if it makes her uncomfortable, nor should she have to drop what she is doing to have sex with him on his every whim. But, if she refuses his every desire and cuts him off totally, she is failing as a wife -- period. Why marry someone if you won't have sex with them? I hope that OP's wife can work through whatever her issues are.
Kingofnothing85 0
hmm... well... good luck with that.
krisFrAnHeehar 0
#38 Sex is NOT the most important thing. Some couples actually chose NOT to have sex. Its not as though you suddenly spontaneously combust or implode if you dont take part in it
MrZach 0
Sounds like your wife is scared of you're sex. That's not a dream she's having, it's a nightmare. Maybe you should calm down buddy.
judgeymcjudge 0
Sorry, nomadxx7, I just wanted to say: A) You were doing great 'til you made the lesbian crack. Apart from anything else, more straight chicks use ****** than dykes do - they use them as tools for masturbation, whereas the majority of dykes don't want anything to do with them, simply due to a lot of them being more... shall we say, realistic? :P And B) As far as I'm concerned, straight feminists are much scarier than lesbian ones. Srsly. No joke. The straight girls who jump on the soapbox tend to be much more aggressive, since the dykes at least concede their sexuality has a role in it. The straight ones seem to think rage alone can cover the gap, and I ain't scared of much, but feminazis scare the **** out of me XD *is still regretting missing jandersoniii's posts, though* Other than that, dude, you're awesome. Cheers!
plexico 4
Be glad your name is Brandon.
fermata 0
Am I the only one who sees jandersonii's post as SATIRE, and the ppl deriding her as a feminazi as proving her point? Sigh... Monicamischief, I understand the point you are making. However, most people in the world do not have such polyamorist mindsets, nor are the acts of sex and the emotions of love so clearly separated for most people as they appear to be in your system. Running around preaching it to sexually unhappy couples is not going to help the matter. Flaunting unorthodox "liberated" ideals is no better than flaunting extreme abstinence and celibacy--it's just giving yourself a pat on the back while other people, rightfully, roll their eyes at you.
jimbo74 0
Pretty much the definition of marriage- putting up with each other's crap WITHOUT the sex. Shoulda held out...
blindsight18 0
Unlucky, mate. But i'm glad YOU are Brandon, and not your wife's more-significant-other.... the your L would be truly F'ed.
AriSun 0
Get a divorce or get good at bringing back the love flame. You're choice.