Today, I woke up to my wife talking in her sleep, "No Brandon! I don't want to have sex!" My wife won't have sex with me when she's awake OR in her dreams. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend admitted she had a nightmare about having sex with me. FML
Today, I was having sex with my wife, when she fell asleep. She then woke up and started moaning, clearly faking an orgasm. FML
Today, when my girlfriend woke me up, she said, "I just had the sexiest dream." Thinking she was feeling frisky, I started to try to fool around with her. She pulled away and said, "Well it wasn't about YOU." FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5am to tell me she was mad at me. Apparently I did something bad in her dream. She still won't talk to me. FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML
Today, it's the third night in a row that I have had a sexual dream involving another woman. I'm married and when I tried talking to my husband about pleasing me better, he told me he doesn't want to go down on me because it makes him nervous. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to initiate sex with me in my sleep. He confessed to thinking that if he did it lightly enough, I'd think I was just dreaming. FML
Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML
Today, my wife had a dream in which I died while she was pregnant. This is troubling, especially since I had the exact same dream the day before. FML
Today, I woke up from a wet dream. My girlfriend quickly figured it out and bitched me out for having one when she was "right there" for me to ask for sex. Logic failure aside, the last time I flirted with her, she called me a sex-obsessed pig and didn't talk to me for three days. FML
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Top comments
ForestFire0 1
I just moderated this one an hour ago! This is very exciting for me. I've never had that happen before. The power is intoxicating! I think I'll fire someone tomorrow! This feeling's great!
MissCherrywhipx 0
Unlucky!
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Comments (203)
dreamsmean 3
#43, that isnt that cool... babies shouldnt have sex
fermata 0
I think the OP is posting it here for laughs, not to get marriage counselling from all the tweens hiding behind computer screens. At least, I hope most of these posts are left by tweens, because an adult saying stuff like "get a girlfriend who will spread her legs" or "dream rape her" is a pretty pathetic sight.
3arthb3nd3r 0
if my boy and i ever get married, i will never ever ever allow this to happen to our relationship O_O FYL dude edit: #62, you are insane O_O;;
dreamsmean 3
hm
xo_emily_xo 0
hmmph...ever think of a divorce maybe??
clarkson_fml 0
hey... i think its just good she at least said the right name meaning shes not cheating on him... but brandon dude... move to afghanistan there they just passed a law saying that you are allowed to rape your wife like 4 time per week lol
bortzy93 0
well brandon, i dont particularly want to have sex with you either so that takes the official tally up to 2!! ahaha
sissi_fml 0
at least she called your name:))))))))
Polka_Dots 0
LOL #27
jncwmnd 0
ew #44..you sound like a super ****, who has sex at 13? i hope you get an STD