Today, I woke up to my wife talking in her sleep, "No Brandon! I don't want to have sex!" My wife won't have sex with me when she's awake OR in her dreams. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend admitted she had a nightmare about having sex with me. FML
Today, I was having sex with my wife, when she fell asleep. She then woke up and started moaning, clearly faking an orgasm. FML
Today, when my girlfriend woke me up, she said, "I just had the sexiest dream." Thinking she was feeling frisky, I started to try to fool around with her. She pulled away and said, "Well it wasn't about YOU." FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5am to tell me she was mad at me. Apparently I did something bad in her dream. She still won't talk to me. FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML
Today, it's the third night in a row that I have had a sexual dream involving another woman. I'm married and when I tried talking to my husband about pleasing me better, he told me he doesn't want to go down on me because it makes him nervous. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to initiate sex with me in my sleep. He confessed to thinking that if he did it lightly enough, I'd think I was just dreaming. FML
Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML
Today, my wife had a dream in which I died while she was pregnant. This is troubling, especially since I had the exact same dream the day before. FML
Today, I woke up from a wet dream. My girlfriend quickly figured it out and bitched me out for having one when she was "right there" for me to ask for sex. Logic failure aside, the last time I flirted with her, she called me a sex-obsessed pig and didn't talk to me for three days. FML
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Top comments
ForestFire0 1
I just moderated this one an hour ago! This is very exciting for me. I've never had that happen before. The power is intoxicating! I think I'll fire someone tomorrow! This feeling's great!
MissCherrywhipx 0
Unlucky!
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Comments (203)
cosmosnickers 3
janderson? What is up with people named Brandon?! (LOL - "irony")
cosmosnickers 3
Okay...odd question...I'm hoping this is a coincidence...has janderson said their real name yet? Or any personal info as all the posts are "unviewable"...
el_bastardo 0
There is an age old cure for things like this.. ****. It'll get her jealous too, there is nothing sweeter than watching the tables turn before your very eyes..
annaattack 0
Well if she didn't want to screw you in real life, why would she in her dreams?
ezbz11 0
that's why marriages fail.
stridercab 12
Leave the bitch.
luckyyyy 0
sounds like she's too tired all the time or maybe cheating seduce her in the morning she may get into it most likely
amazingkate 0
your marriage is on the rocks, dude! the rocks! the thing about a girl's libido is if you don't use it you'll lose it. get thee to a marriage counselor! someone else needs to convince her that sex with her husband ain't no terrible thang! and they will. from what i understand they love getting couples back in the sack. and i'm not trying to hate on your wife but withholding sex is a really passive aggressive thing. maybe she's not happy with you in other areas. but to find out you must talk! it's rough but you got to talk about it.
HiSHAM 0
COUPLE THERAPY
jdub23 0
wow, you people are mean. for what it's worth, i think finding a lover is justified.