Today, when my girlfriend woke me up, she said, "I just had the sexiest dream." Thinking she was feeling frisky, I started to try to fool around with her. She pulled away and said, "Well it wasn't about YOU." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up from a wet dream. My girlfriend quickly figured it out and bitched me out for having one when she was "right there" for me to ask for sex. Logic failure aside, the last time I flirted with her, she called me a sex-obsessed pig and didn't talk to me for three days. FML
Today, while I was sleeping I heard my girlfriend moaning. She was seemed to be having a wet dream. She moaned more in her dream than when having sex with me. FML
Today, my girlfriend admitted she had a nightmare about having sex with me. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to initiate sex with me in my sleep. He confessed to thinking that if he did it lightly enough, I'd think I was just dreaming. FML
Today, I woke up from a sexy dream about my boyfriend. Too bad I'd fallen asleep in my living room with my whole family over, grandma included. They were all staring. I'd been sleep humping and moaning. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex. Over breakfast, she said it was the most intense, primal and mind-blowing sexual experience she ever had. Problem is, I don't remember a damned thing. FML
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, I was sleeping next to my girlfriend and I turned over to the sound of her talking in her sleep. Because it was so cute, I was happy and I smiled, until she began to talk about "Troy" and "all the nasty things you can do to me." FML
Today, my girlfriend of over a year woke me up at 4:30 in the morning by sticking her hand down my pants. She immediately stopped when I was awake enough to reciprocate and said, "I couldn't sleep. I was bored. Talk to me." FML
Today, I woke up to find out I'd had a wet dream last night. About someone other than my girlfriend. I don't remember anything about the dream, but my girlfriend remembers everything because apparently I talked throughout my dream, and she was right next to me listening. FML
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Top comments
amayakitty 0
wow, what a bitch, she should've kept it to herself, then.
smr167 6
sucks to be you
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Comments (120)
smr167 6
sucks to be you
JayColt 0
lol pwned. play the online game called Allods Online™ it owns!!!!
Tasanasanta 0
Why did she say anything?... B*tch move right there.
bballchamp43 0
8-wat does that game have to do with this post at all. OP- FYL for not getting some.
Tasanasanta 0
10- Because they are trying to get plublicity for their game I'm guessing
FatalWedgie 0
knock her out and cum in her ass
seanders 10
8 why don't you play hide and go duck yourself?
Melaniee_fml 0
wow why did she even tell you if it wasn't going anywhere.
whostolemylama 12
I agree
Trupe 3
It was probably about Regis Philbin.....girls have some weird fantasies :/
capilot 10
#8 is a spammer. I wish there was a way to report them.
mfmylifesrsly 30
wow FYL your girlfriend is a bitch. I bet she dreamed about Taylor Lautner or Adam Lambert I know they're good in my dreams.
the_flirtt 0
wow ydi for not being sexy :)
nicoya505 0
why hasnt anyone noticed they are lesbians?
Freeze_fml 17
The people who noticed they are lesbians don't feel compelled to state the obvious.
nicoya505 0
well im only saying it b/c some ppl are saying for example she was dreaming of a man or HE should do this or that to her.
sharmen 0
Why is 13 not moderated?
FatalWedgie 0
because the moderators are afraid of receiving my patented wedgie
FatalWedgie 0
however, the fact that the op can't actually cum in her ass due to lack of a penis, I suppose I should give the moderators my permission to delete my first comment without penalty. k. thanks. have a nice day
Vanni 0
There is a way to report problems. Sometimes we don't notice these things or the comment bug makes these comments disappear temporarily. If you have anything to report, email [email protected]. You can PM me too if you can't email for any reason, but emailing would be much quicker and more efficient. Hope that helps.
FatalWedgie 0
yes. thank you. that helps so much because if the government won't take away our free speech, then I would like to try to take it away myself. snarf!!!
gabbster95 0
ew Taylor lautner?? isn't Adam Lambert gay??? he sure looks like he's gay..
_TONGAN_ 5
well if you just woke up in the morning...then I guess your breath must smell bad as hell lol ....FYL for not brushing your teeth!!!!
hales1919 3
haha 52 your awesome
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
52: I hope by "government" you mean the FML owners, staff, and mods who come from a variety of different countries. And FYI: you don't have a right to free speech on a privately-owned website; you have a right to follow the rules or GTFO. :] I realize you're probably joking, but many people use jokes like that to convey real opinions. They need to seriously reassess their logic. IMO, the mods shouldn't have to waste their time by defending themselves against such commenters' ranting and illogical "points," so I try to do it for them. If you don't actually have a problem with the modding, please don't take any of this personally, and we'll just consider it a reminder for anyone who does.
HeroOfMi 0
Irish and that organized chaos guy are extremely persuasive...Irish more than the guy though because her comments are nicer so you don't get defensive and the information gets absorbed better ._.
Intoxicunt 6
What TIJD said. You're not entitled free speech on a private website. If they wanted to ban you for being comment #52, they could. Luckily, they are very lenient and only expect people to be respectful. You wouldn't post nude pics on FB and bitch about getting banned or censored, would you? Would you walk into someone's house, call them a ****, and bitch about 'free speech' when they kicked you out? I hope not.
MarkSeattle 0
lol. you're a girl too and don't know that chicks want to talk about that stuff, not hit the sack right away. ydi.
lalagurl5 0
i hate the support ppl. they were being mean to me. Today, I emailed the FML support people. Even they are as mean as some commenters. FML
sc95060sc 0
#60 it's called moderating not ******* modding.
5t3ff1k4h 47
72, it's either. Slang. No need to freak out.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
61: Thank you. :] 68: They're very reasonable people. If you didn't say anything to warrant a "mean" response (and you used common sense before asking questions), you probably misinterpreted humor as meanness. Keep in mind these people work for and/or conceptualized and created this site— they're bound to have a dark or dry streak in their collective sense of humor. Don't take it personally. 72: Kindly kiss my ass, thanks. :]
supaman1 0
Say " what did the five fingers say to da face?... SLAP!!!!" and knock the shit outta her,, and put it on YouTube !!!! :)
Ashley121645 0
wait wtf? op is a girl! OP is gay!!! ****** jkjk im not an ass
ladiesman14 0
lots of people do this. i always pretend im sleeping with the hot girl i just saw in public when im with my gf.
FatalWedgie 0
irishjanedoe hates penises. I'm sure of it
HeroOfMi 0
and 91 loves 'em
bcuz 0
seriously
lalagurl5 0
Im going to hav a banana.
FatalWedgie 0
damn! that was really clever how u turned that one around on me like that. I guess u are one NOT to be ****** with. ****** retard
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Aah, I *love* the smell of hypocrisy in the morning...
quent10 0
oooh snap ! no she dit int!!
FatalWedgie 0
yep she did. she tried to act intelligent again.
HeroOfMi 0
'cause your comment was extremely clever, right? if you want a witty comment from me, try putting some thought into what you say so there won't be any ways to turn your comments on you that are easy to think of..I wish trolls would have more wit...that'd be cool.
cwblackwood 0
I just want to say how gorgeous 52 is!!!
cwblackwood 0
I just want yonder how gorgeous 59 is!!
Lord_of_0 4
Not only is he gay, he's OPENLY gay. I thought everyone knew that.
KiresKitten 0
TheIrishJaneDoe- You are now one of my heroes. FatalWedgie- And it is people like you who make me fear the Internet and all the idiots who come with it.
amayakitty 0
wow, what a bitch, she should've kept it to herself, then.
twinny_sc 13
She isn't a bitch. She just wanted to share her dream.
FatalWedgie 0
you're wrong. she's a bitch. and if you would do the same as ops girlfriend, then you're a bitch too
Afghanprince 0
lol, it was about Edward Cullen.... F HER LIFE
leveraged 0
wow....smack that bitch a good one!
Mumbellosity711 0
sweet dreams...
ant1212 0
that's when you just walk away
thesunsetglow_fml 8
maybe it's time to have a talk with her...
chrissaaababy 0
): no good
moymoy_fml 0
bro that sucks
teotsi 28
OP is a lesbian.
TheRealStunts 27
You can call anyone "bro" regardless of their gender.
jamiebuczko 0
lmfao good idea. Or better yet, knock her out and put her outside with a sign saying: For Sale
warpig182 0
thats when you say "it was about me i did you while you slept. your a lot better then"