Today, I woke up to my wife talking in her sleep, "No Brandon! I don't want to have sex!" My wife won't have sex with me when she's awake OR in her dreams. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend admitted she had a nightmare about having sex with me. FML
Today, I was having sex with my wife, when she fell asleep. She then woke up and started moaning, clearly faking an orgasm. FML
Today, when my girlfriend woke me up, she said, "I just had the sexiest dream." Thinking she was feeling frisky, I started to try to fool around with her. She pulled away and said, "Well it wasn't about YOU." FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5am to tell me she was mad at me. Apparently I did something bad in her dream. She still won't talk to me. FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML
Today, it's the third night in a row that I have had a sexual dream involving another woman. I'm married and when I tried talking to my husband about pleasing me better, he told me he doesn't want to go down on me because it makes him nervous. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to initiate sex with me in my sleep. He confessed to thinking that if he did it lightly enough, I'd think I was just dreaming. FML
Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML
Today, my wife had a dream in which I died while she was pregnant. This is troubling, especially since I had the exact same dream the day before. FML
Today, I woke up from a wet dream. My girlfriend quickly figured it out and bitched me out for having one when she was "right there" for me to ask for sex. Logic failure aside, the last time I flirted with her, she called me a sex-obsessed pig and didn't talk to me for three days. FML
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Top comments
ForestFire0 1
I just moderated this one an hour ago! This is very exciting for me. I've never had that happen before. The power is intoxicating! I think I'll fire someone tomorrow! This feeling's great!
MissCherrywhipx 0
Unlucky!
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Comments (203)
californicated 0
ouch..
EmbraceTheOne 2
Awe :(
christopherlove 0
She definitely needs help if she has nightmares about it. Run away!
urbwzrd 0
I think you should be glad because she said "Brandon"! What if she told "John"? :))
HorrorByrd 0
Just be thankful that she was saying your name...
judgeymcjudge 0
ROFL, how did I know monicamischief would be on this post? XD Always good for a laugh. And I always miss jandersoniii's comments! Dammit, I miss out on all the fun! OP: Sucks to be you.
ZiggyMorrison 0
I think what monicamischief is trying to say is if she broke both her legs or something or horrible that physically made it impossible to have sex than she would allow her man to have sex with another women until she recovered and what do all you people mean sex isnt important WHY WOULD ANY OF YOU STAY WITH SOMEONE WHO ISNT EVEN WILLING TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU???? if shes not gonna do that do you think she gives a shit about raising kids or taking care of your other needs? and Jesus Christ people you take trolls to seriously you need to see what the **** a joke is I have no idea what the comment was if someone could please repost it that would be great but it sounds to me like your all just going crazy over nothing
Nenor_fml 0
At least she called you Brandon....could've been a lot worse :)
hellFighter 0
time to divorce... seriously when this happens, it's inevitable. get the upper hand by making the first move.
FPsLife 5
All you people are talking about love and compromise, but it sounds like he's doing all the compromising... I guess we don't know the full extent of the situation, but they should probably just get counseling at this point.