Today, I woke up to my wife talking in her sleep, "No Brandon! I don't want to have sex!" My wife won't have sex with me when she's awake OR in her dreams. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend admitted she had a nightmare about having sex with me. FML
Today, I was having sex with my wife, when she fell asleep. She then woke up and started moaning, clearly faking an orgasm. FML
Today, when my girlfriend woke me up, she said, "I just had the sexiest dream." Thinking she was feeling frisky, I started to try to fool around with her. She pulled away and said, "Well it wasn't about YOU." FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5am to tell me she was mad at me. Apparently I did something bad in her dream. She still won't talk to me. FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML
Today, it's the third night in a row that I have had a sexual dream involving another woman. I'm married and when I tried talking to my husband about pleasing me better, he told me he doesn't want to go down on me because it makes him nervous. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to initiate sex with me in my sleep. He confessed to thinking that if he did it lightly enough, I'd think I was just dreaming. FML
Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML
Today, my wife had a dream in which I died while she was pregnant. This is troubling, especially since I had the exact same dream the day before. FML
Today, I woke up from a wet dream. My girlfriend quickly figured it out and bitched me out for having one when she was "right there" for me to ask for sex. Logic failure aside, the last time I flirted with her, she called me a sex-obsessed pig and didn't talk to me for three days. FML
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Top comments
ForestFire0 1
I just moderated this one an hour ago! This is very exciting for me. I've never had that happen before. The power is intoxicating! I think I'll fire someone tomorrow! This feeling's great!
MissCherrywhipx 0
Unlucky!
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Comments (203)
MissCherrywhipx 0
Unlucky!
DarkPrince_fml 0
I just peed myself when I read this
Tweety122888 0
I thought u were gonna say your name isn't Brandon
nirvanafan980 0
I'm replying to the first comment just to be on top.
TehGirreth 0
Put your **** in her mouth, that way she can't say no.
bwinski 19
This is sad but cool. My name is brandon and my last initial is "w" too. Is this future me writing? I hope not...
angel03260 0
ouch
FMLJFL 5
Better she called Brandon than Mike
SnakeGuy4000 0
Lol. #3!
MsTs1 0
First. FYL
Crazy_Cookie 4
Aw
NCGurl 0
Probaly not in your dreams either lol
paxpix08 0
Would have been better if his name wasnt brandon :P
that_was_so_awkw 0
#4 FAIL. OMFG I loveee it when that happens. haha. :) but. OP. tbh I have nothing to say to that. to busy laughing at #4
Tim3 0
ha! she doesn't find you attractive anymore!
Secret_Fire_King 0
Or maybe she won't put out because she doesn't find herself attractive, anymore.. Girls are like that..
airforce987 20
also guys like you who have gay pics of them shirtless
crunkedxx 0
agreed. but then it's ur fault u need to convince her that's she's still got it
angel03260 0
7- lmao i love what that happens to. i actually thought i was first to (but i would't have said it like everyone else) but i just missed it.
fretforyerlatte 0
well, at least she's consistent.