Today, I woke up to a burglar holding a gun. He yelled at me to get up so I did. He then paused and laughed. I was sleeping naked. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband thought it'd be funny to trigger the alarm in the house while I was sleeping. Shocked, I ran outside naked. FML
Today, someone knocked on my door. I yelled "Yeah?" while getting up, since it was locked. My grandpa walked in, as I apparently didn't actually lock it. I was naked. FML
Today, I woke up to noises in my living room. I was scared, but I loaded my gun and snuck downstairs. I burst into the living room, yelled for the motherfucker robbing me to put his hands up, and flicked on the light. My cat stared back at me like I was a moron then calmly walked out. FML
Today, at around 2am, I was walking through a parking lot to my car when a man walking behind me told me not to be scared. I turned around to tell him there was no problem. He was naked. FML
Today, I woke up to my new roommate staring at me, just a few inches from my face. She then told me how easy I would be to kill in my sleep. Then she stood up, naked from head to toe. FML
Today, a stoned man tried to break into my house. Naked. FML
Today, I farted so loudly in bed and I woke up my husband. Startled, he thought that someone was entered in our room and fired a shot. FML
Today, I woke up to find my car broken into. After being upset for not hearing my car alarm go off I realized it had in the middle of the night. I had woken up and cursed the idiot who set off their alarm and put a pillow over my head, falling back to sleep shortly after. FML
Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I knew his parents wouldn't be there. Later, I woke up in a hospital bed because his sister thought I was a burglar and tased me. FML
Today, I fell asleep on the couch and woke up to find that I had slept through my house getting robbed. FML
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Top comments
ThatFatGuyBehind 3
How small was it for him to be laughing during a burgalery.
hellogoodbye1996 6
did he tell you to put clothes on?
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Comments (159)
example947 0
...hand?
chrispyy21 0
shuld of put it in his mouf. if he dun wun it in his mouf he wun let it is his mouf. 10 pount fasial
CryMoreFMLs 15
117 - Please go back to second grade remedial Wnglush. Nobody on FML can speak retard gibberish.
supermankisses 1
Here's a thought, next time, spell so we can all understand you.
CryMoreFMLs 15
**** pudge fingers and my iphone!!! English*** English*** English*** There. Fixed it.
tastymonsterkake 0
remember: its not the size of the ship, its the motion of the ocean(:
supermankisses 1
my comment was for 117 too
rallets 23
lol at OPs name
Iwashere12345 0
assuming OP's a boy that is
ScuseMePrincess 2
You should have used that moment of distraction to pin him down, poot in his face, and turn the gun on him.