Today, I woke up to noises in my living room. I was scared, but I loaded my gun and snuck downstairs. I burst into the living room, yelled for the motherfucker robbing me to put his hands up, and flicked on the light. My cat stared back at me like I was a moron then calmly walked out. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after moving into my new house, I woke up to strange sounds coming from the kitchen. I panicked and started sobbing, convinced it was either a robbery or a home invasion. Turned out it was just my cat. FML
Today, I spent an hour in my car terrified to go inside because I thought my house was being burgled. I saw rapid shadows in the light of my lounge. Eventually I plucked up the courage to creep inside with a rock to find it wasn't a robber. It was my cats, fighting in front of a toppled lamp. FML
Today, I woke up to noises from downstairs. I practically pissed my pants and called the cops. Turned out it was just my cat being a dickhead in the living room. FML
Today, I woke up to a loud bang. Thinking someone had broken in, I grabbed my hunting knife and ran downstairs, only to find my TV on the floor, completely destroyed, and my cat casually sitting next to it without a care in the world. FML
Today, I experienced the fright of a lifetime when I woke up and heard my bedroom door opening. Fearing that there was an intruder, I picked up a bat and opened the door, ready to whack the mystery intruder. There was no one there. No one, except my cat, who apparently knows how to open doors now. FML
Today, I woke up to a burglar holding a gun. He yelled at me to get up so I did. He then paused and laughed. I was sleeping naked. FML
Today, while trying to sleep, I heard what sounded like someone breaking into my house. I ran downstairs, only to find my cat had ripped down my blinds and was tangled up in them, thrashing around the floor like a fish. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of 4 gunshots from downstairs. I screamed, hid under the bed in tears and called the cops. Turned out my boyfriend hadn't been murdered by a burglar like I thought - he'd found a tarantula in our living room and decided to feed it a face full of lead. FML
Today, I kept hearing big *THUD* sounds across the house. The first few times, I didn't think anything of it. But after several more times, I started to suspect there was an intruder. After sneaking through the house, ready to knock out whomever was there, I found out it was my cat pushing things off the table. FML
Today, after spending the evening with friends, I went home and realized that the living room light was on. Thinking someone was robbing me, I hid behind a bush. I got impatient and crept up to the door. Then I remembered that I'd left the light on before I left. FML
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Top comments
xlord 27
Thank god you yelled first before just blindly shooting!!
zanoty 17
I guess you could say he was a cat burglar... I'll show myself out
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Comments (45)
xlord 27
Thank god you yelled first before just blindly shooting!!
okokalright 15
Better safe than sorry
howard007 18
That's how surprises birthday parties go wrong!
dragoongirl90 34
You assume that a gun owner would just blindly shoot. OP clearly knows what he's doing.
thatoneguy1111 15
Most gun owners know proper gun safety and are not just firing away
teentee401 37
I remember reading a news story a while ago about a girl who hid in her closet to jump out and scare her parents. Her trigger happy dad ended up shooting her. I'm glad everything ended up okay in OP's case but as soon as I started reading this FML I thought it was going going to end badly.
Acerhawk 24
I'm imagining this with him and his cat in each others positions
twitchywaffles 26
Your cat will never **** with you again... Never cats will always **** with us
ml_augustus 23
What
twitchywaffles 26
I realize this comment is bad, and there isn't much I can do with it. So I'll just say sorry
False_Stupidity 42
It's like you are arguing with yourself, or the voices in your head...
americanafrican 32
#22 i think it would be easier to argue with yourself
zanoty 17
I guess you could say he was a cat burglar... I'll show myself out
skiddalz 21
At least you're not one to shoot out of fear
Grayness_ 26
Well.. Take it as a practice. Next time if it does happen and is not your cat. You'll know what to do.
ColorOfSoul 19
You caught the cat burglar.
LilMissCanadian 22
This sounds like something that would be in a comedy.
corky1992 33
At least you didn't shoot your cat lol
OscarEcho 12
Wow. That's what happens when everyone carry guns. I am so happy I don't live in a country that allows people to run around in their homes in the middle of the night with loaded guns!
superspooky 13
He yelled first. he didn't say he shot the cat. nowhere does it say he ran downstairs blindly shooting like a moron.
be82tw 17
error in posting