Today, I farted so loudly in bed and I woke up my husband. Startled, he thought that someone was entered in our room and fired a shot. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I farted so loudly in my sleep that it woke myself, my husband, and our cat. The cat let me know he was startled by clawing and biting the perceived threat, my bum. FML
Today, my husband fell asleep on my shoulder. He then ripped a nasty fart. I exhaled slowly but apparently loud enough that it woke up my husband who promptly screamed directly in my ear, before screaming a second time when he smelled the fart as well. The worst part is that also he scared my cat off my lap. FML
Today, I farted in bed like my parents do. It sounded like an unexpected trumpet. Luckily no one was nearby. I usually don't fart. It took me by surprise. FML
Today, I fell asleep at a party. I farted so loud that I woke myself up. Everyone heard. FML
Today, my insomnia got so bad that I became convinced my husband was having an affair in our bed right next to me. I punched him so hard in the shoulder that he awoke from a sound sleep, farted, and then shook it off and went back to sleep unfazed. I'm so jealous. FML
Today, in my sleep I let out a couple of farts. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal, but on this night I had slept in my mom's room. She came to check in on me and violently woke me up because she thought I pooped in the bed. Now my entire family knows I fart in my sleep. FML
Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML
Today, I farted so loud that I woke myself up. And the stranger sitting next to me on the airplane. FML
Today, while laying in bed, I let out a huge fart. I then heard my roommate yell from outside my room, "Did you think you were alone?" FML
Today, my dog farted so loud in his sleep that he scared himself and woke up barking. This afternoon I achieved the same feat. FML
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Top comments
Mark James Lewis 3
If he got up and literally fired a gun then you need to take it away from him. To shoot blindly even after being awoken is reckless and will get someone innocent injured or killed
Sertorius 10
I'd believe it if you were in the US or some similar sort of violent dangerous country. But you're in the UK and keep a loaded gun in your bedroom? Are you ******* crazy? Unless "fired a shot" is a euphemism.
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Comments (24)
kikzermeizer 7
Lol my bf farted so loudly he woke himself up. Awesome
TCRII 30
So you both fired a shot.
jbuckets_404 39
No, OP's hubby thought that an intruder in their bedroom had fired a gunshot, but it was just her fart.
stickyface 17
Who fired that shot? She fired it!
Sertorius 10
I'd believe it if you were in the US or some similar sort of violent dangerous country. But you're in the UK and keep a loaded gun in your bedroom? Are you ******* crazy? Unless "fired a shot" is a euphemism.
AstroTurf Matador 8
Well, the OP did say "someone was entered"...
jbuckets_404 39
No, OP's hubby thought that an intruder in their bedroom had fired a gunshot, but it was just her fart waking him up.
Talented73 54
"....U.S. or some other similar sort of violent dangerous country".... LOL. We're safer than you are. You've been listening to lies, propaganda. The overwhelming majority of U.S. gun owners are lawful, responsible citizens that practice and train safely. As with anything else, there's a few assholes in the bunch that give the rest of us a bad image.
avertle 9
Dude. I think she means he though someone entered their room, and then fired a shot. He thought the person that entered the room fired a shot. He didn’t fire a shot.
Mark James Lewis 3
If he got up and literally fired a gun then you need to take it away from him. To shoot blindly even after being awoken is reckless and will get someone innocent injured or killed
bloopaloop 27
He thought the “intruder” “fired a shot”.
Ashamed_Sister 60
If he really fired a shot from a gun you have to take it away. You could be making some noise while returning from the bathroom and he would fire at the "intruder".
jbuckets_404 39
No, OP's hubby thought that an intruder in their bedroom had fired a gunshot, but it was just her fart waking him up.
littlelia 22
Wait, did your husband fire a shot, or did he think your fart was the sound of someone firing a shot in your room?
Nakomai 17
The way this is worded sounds like they're not a native English speaker. I think the fart sounded like a gun shot. Hope their ass is okay.
Karolin Bernacca 7
But did you die?
jbuckets_404 39
No, OP's hubby thought that an intruder in their bedroom had fired a gunshot, but it was just her fart waking him up.
mfranks19891989 10
Lay off the beans girl
Mungolikecandy 19
Is your husband a criminal as in the UK pistols are illegal and other guns must be stored securely?
jbuckets_404 39
No, OP's hubby thought that an intruder in their bedroom had fired a gunshot, but it was just her fart.