Today, I woke up to a burglar holding a gun. He yelled at me to get up so I did. He then paused and laughed. I was sleeping naked. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband thought it'd be funny to trigger the alarm in the house while I was sleeping. Shocked, I ran outside naked. FML
Today, someone knocked on my door. I yelled "Yeah?" while getting up, since it was locked. My grandpa walked in, as I apparently didn't actually lock it. I was naked. FML
Today, I woke up to noises in my living room. I was scared, but I loaded my gun and snuck downstairs. I burst into the living room, yelled for the motherfucker robbing me to put his hands up, and flicked on the light. My cat stared back at me like I was a moron then calmly walked out. FML
Today, at around 2am, I was walking through a parking lot to my car when a man walking behind me told me not to be scared. I turned around to tell him there was no problem. He was naked. FML
Today, I woke up to my new roommate staring at me, just a few inches from my face. She then told me how easy I would be to kill in my sleep. Then she stood up, naked from head to toe. FML
Today, a stoned man tried to break into my house. Naked. FML
Today, I farted so loudly in bed and I woke up my husband. Startled, he thought that someone was entered in our room and fired a shot. FML
Today, I woke up to find my car broken into. After being upset for not hearing my car alarm go off I realized it had in the middle of the night. I had woken up and cursed the idiot who set off their alarm and put a pillow over my head, falling back to sleep shortly after. FML
Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I knew his parents wouldn't be there. Later, I woke up in a hospital bed because his sister thought I was a burglar and tased me. FML
Today, I fell asleep on the couch and woke up to find that I had slept through my house getting robbed. FML
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Top comments
ThatFatGuyBehind 3
How small was it for him to be laughing during a burgalery.
hellogoodbye1996 6
did he tell you to put clothes on?
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Comments (159)
enonymous 9
So who shot off first? you or the burglar?
ThatFatGuyBehind 3
How small was it for him to be laughing during a burgalery.
tencalories 3
you both have guns now but whose gonna shoot first
geko911 22
wellidk but OP has to crank up n load his gun while the burglers gun is already ready... OP doesnt stand a chance
thisusernamewast 0
66 that's kinky.
hellogoodbye1996 6
did he tell you to put clothes on?
ZoZo17_fml 0
probably, that way he could be serious enough to keep robbing you..
murdermastr 0
how did you post this FML if a burgalar was in your house today??
doubledee7 3
Very good question...How DID you?
that_is_Nathy 9
the burglar was gone already? he ran away to the house of a friend (naked hihi) and posted there`?
WiderWille 11
Maybehe askes the burglar to write the text for him?
SirEBC 7
Hey number #6, how did you post that comment if you were asleep last night?! The ****?!?!
bigredmonkeybutt 30
It's that hard to figure out that every single FML posted here starts with the word "Today"? FYL for being dumb.
ZingDooper 0
you're stupid, this didn't happen today. It tale a dew weeks for Fmls to be posted
AvengedSevenfold_fml_fml 12
I agree with sirEBC. Just because this person was robbed today doesn't mean the burglar is STILL there.. OP obviously posted this after everything was done and over with
Epilepsy_fml 0
Guys. Fml requires that all posts start with "Today," and end with "FML". Dont question the authenticity unless you can show proof. And even then shut up. It doesn't matter.
kira1366 0
okay, not to mention the FML could be fake.
RedPillSucks 33
burglar: Get the F*k up!!! I'ma rob you!!! OP: huh? wha...? Damn it man!!!! burglar: Whoa fool. You got no clothes on!!! burglar: Bwha ahahahahah ahah OP; Can you hold on a minute? I need to post something on fmylife... burglar: Dude, you spelt burglar wrong. It's not bugler. And remember to start with "Today"
example947 0
can no one spell burglar or burglary???
almighty_zer 5
all fmls start with "Today," so it could have happened to days ago but today he posts and keeps Today for the sake of the artistic factor.
abluekiwi 0
Lemme guess... Shrinkage? It's okay, you were scared.
awsm44 0
it was cold!
techweed 12
I would've thought he'd start jerking off
im_so_ninja 0
I like your picture :)
that_is_Nathy 9
Did he laugh because you are"mike oXSMALL"? Poor little mike...^^ It's not the size it's...a screw that: poor you for having a small one, but as long as it works...be lucky he didn't harm you (as you only whine about him laughing at you I assume he didn't)
WiderWille 11
Its not the size but...? The vibration function?
that_is_Nathy 9
...the techique (as said by owners of small ones and their girlfriends)
WiderWille 11
Oh man, man sollte meinen das du den Witz kennst wenn du schon aus deutschland kommst...
Silenthunter 0
kommen
bpell15 5
it's not the size of the boat... it's the motion of the ocean.
Tank_33 0
yeah but I sure as hell know ya can't make it to England in a row boat lol
BWill9014 4
Never understood how people could sleep naked by themselves...
doubledee7 3
Feels more comfortable for them...:)
abluekiwi 0
Try it. You will see.
bballforward33 10
EWWWW u fat ugly thing!!!!
ninjacutie 6
same it seems a little… gross to me!
Mach10 0
Dunno--Is it any more foolish than wearing a wool hat and hood indoors?
Ali_Br_fml 33
My cousin & her mom sleep in the same room, & my cousin sleeps nude during the summer. I sleep alone, & can't bring myself to do that... The least I wear is a bra & underwear... I usually keep on an undershirt too. I don't want to be robbed naked.
bpell15 5
well I know how they could. step 1. they take of their cloths. step 2. they get into bed alone with no cloths on. the end.
cnastydawg 0
well if a guy came in and raped you it would make sense but if it was a guy... just put it this way how many gay robbers do you see going around?
jessyrodgers 0
you take your clothes off lay in bed and shut your eyes, pretty simple really
RedPillSucks 33
@99. People typically don't ask about sexual orientation while they're being robbed. I suspect that there are about the same percentage of gay robbers as in the general population. I'm not sure why you would think that gay people wouldn't rob anyone. Maybe you're thinking of effeminate people?
BWill9014 4
You're right 59... what in the hell was I thinking putting on clothes before I was about to leave the house... so foolish of me
Mach10 0
lawlz I can see it perfectly: Boots--check! Gloves--check! Wooly hat--check! Hoodie--check! Alright! I'm ready to go outside... Oh, shit! I forgot to pose for my FML Profile pic!!! Is that how it went? Is that why you look so angry? Hehehe... Relax man, just yanking your chain.
charlybarly 0
awkward...
abluekiwi 0
That's right. Use your personal gun.