Today, I had to explain to my teenage daughter that The Interview wasn't a documentary and that Kim Jong-un wasn't actually assassinated by a pair of goofy reporters. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to slowly explain to my daughter why her Facebook profile isn't a valid piece of ID. FML
Today, I tried to comfort my daughter who'd been crying non-stop for hours. She thinks Chuck Norris is coming to kill her, and I can't convince her otherwise. FML
Today, I had to explain to my 18-year-old daughter why she can't pull a duck face pose for her driver's license. She still doesn't believe me. FML
Today, I had to explain to my seventeen year-old daughter that deep frying food doesn't "melt the calories." FML
Today, I got called into the school by my daughter's teacher. Apparently my daughter informed her class that over the weekend she spent her time with her daddy watching porn stars while her mummy was at work. It took a long time to convince her they were actually watching a TV show called "Pawn Stars". FML
Today, my teenage son taught my five-year-old daughter how to fake her own death. I walked into the kitchen today to find her lying still on the floor, covered in ketchup. She laughed when I began to scream. FML
Today, I had to explain to my housemate that the cast of "The Crown" is not the real Royal Family impersonating themselves. FML
Today, I told my daughter her mom was busy fighting aliens, so I wouldn’t have to tell her that her mom is just a shitty, self-absorbed bitch, who doesn’t deserve kids. FML
Today, my daughter is so out of touch with anything not related to her phone and her social popularity that she doesn't know who Hitler was. I had to show her on YouTube, and while we aren't religious anymore, we are a Jewish family so this is an extra level of parental shame for me. FML
Today, I was watching a crime drama with my parents. During a tense moment, I casually said, "Oh, I know how to hide a body." They both stared at me in horror, and I had to explain that I meant from watching too many true crime videos on YouTube, not from actual experience. FML
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Top comments
whatsittoyabitch 15
Buy her a book. Any book.
Pleonasm 36
You mean I haven't been watching snuff films at the movie theater all my life? Well there goes my lack of moral fiber. Thanks OP, you asshole.
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Comments (69)
Pleonasm 36
You mean I haven't been watching snuff films at the movie theater all my life? Well there goes my lack of moral fiber. Thanks OP, you asshole.
davidpropert 32
So you're saying channing tatum and jonah hill didn't really infiltrate a drug ring at their local highschool and shut it down?
Pleonasm 36
And his name isn't really Jeff?!?!?!
s0m3guy2010 21
This is actually a huge relief to me. I was under the impression that that a bunch Seth Rogen and James Franco lookalikes were running rampant. We'll never find the originals though. They were lost in the apocalypse.
Fern_Gully 20
My reality has been shattered... What is real anymore?! @.@
Just_A_Tree 20
So, I can't walk through a barrier at Kings Cross station to get to platform 9-3/4?
mxgirl1998 26
this made my day
incoherentrmblr 22
So, Freddy Krueger can't kill me in my dreams?! Now, I can finally sleep in peace...
whatsittoyabitch 15
Buy her a book. Any book.
anonymous100000 17
she's just as dumb as kim jongung.
MegaExplosives 17
you can try, but you cant fix stupid
rabidunicorn 13
Given what she thinks, it'd be a miracle if she could read
tgmc012 9
Better make it a picture book.
BlindlyWandering 17
Maybe you should start with a pop up book.
swaglesshipster 23
Yeah it's too hard to kill crazy but it is fun to agitate it!
Nickb55 16
Yet.
TheNewGuy03 29
Someone needs to assassinate the guy, really. He is murdering his own family members, not to mention the rest of the people in the gulags. Crazy to know this regime is somehow intact after all this time...
TheNewGuy03 29
Someone needs to assassinate the guy, really. He is murdering his own family members, not to mention the rest of the people in the gulags. Crazy to know this regime is somehow intact after all this time...
BlondePsycho 43
How do all the parents remember the sex talk but forget the Fiction is Not Real talk?
chillandfun 12
I never got a sex talk...but I did get a talk about having realistic expectations. I don't think the sex talk is ever coming.
Turtle_Man 21
#43, I haven't had any of those 'talks' and I'm 18. I don't think my talks are coming either.
mutualweirdness 5
#62 I didn't get 'the talk' until I was pregnant.
green_rayne07 7
#63 I got the sex talk when I told my mom I was pregnant with my second, lol. I was 23 :)
clumsylobster 17
Maybe you should agree that maybe it's real. That way, she will live thinking he's dead. Imagine her shock when she finds out. Do it OP.
BlondePsycho 43
Next you'll have to tell her that santa clause and jesus arnt real either
Rallred32 20
Why are you such an asshole?
mimi_animee 18
He might as well have been to be honest.
salamancer 11
Are you telling me that our glorious leader actually has a butthole? Ya whatever man, I know a liar when I see one.
Exodiafinder687 58
Movies aren't real? So you're telling me that Marty McFly won't be arriving in his Delorean this year? I've been preparing for this moment for as long as I can remember and now you've ruined it!!!