Today, I was talking dirty to my long-distance lover while touching myself, when a cockroach fell from my ceiling and landed on the hand I was molesting myself with. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was having some sexy time with my boyfriend, when suddenly he jumped out of the bed, screaming. Not having my glasses on, it took me few seconds to understand that a voyeurist cockroach was in the bed with us. FML
Today, I was jerking off at 2am when a giant, thumb-sized cockroach came flying across my room, prompting me to scream pretty loudly. My mom then came into my room worried, only to find me naked on top of the couch, screaming like a little girl. I still had an erection. FML
Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML
Today, I was playing my guitar and felt something like an itch under my foot, so I attempted to scratch it by rubbing against the floor. The big cockroach made a very distinct "crunch". FML
Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML
Today, I woke up with a dead cockroach and its guts all over my forehead. My boyfriend responded by laughing and saying "Poor guy, never had a chance to see the world." FML
Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML
Today, my roommate showed me a video of a cockroach crawling all over my face while I was asleep in the lounge. FML
Today, I was studying for a big test I have next Tuesday in my room. I heard a creak in my ceiling but assumed it was nothing as my house is old. Thirty seconds later something fell from my air vent directly onto my head. It was a giant cockroach. FML
Today, I saw a cockroach on the ceiling. Immediately I got a stick to smack it down. When I hit it, it fell and landed in my mouth. Karma much? FML
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Top comments
GwennaRose 22
Maybe the cockroach just wanted to get in on the action
Welshite 40
Threesome? Oh god, that was a horrible image. *throws up*
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Comments (148)
LanceGoodthrust 19
I'm surprised that more females haven't commented here...
Rainhawk94 27
Now you know why
truman25 5
So you are telling me that you were more upset because a cockroach landed on you while pleasuring your self and not for the fact that you have cockroaches in your house?
ThedaRose 15
no kidding!! If you have cockroaches falling from the ceilings, well, it's time to pack! but not much, cockroaches will hide in those things too.
Mossears133 15
It doesn't necessarily mean her house is unsanitary. It says she lives in Argentina, so her house is probably more open. When I lived in Florida, palmetto bugs (basically roaches) would just wander in sometimes because a screen had popped out of place. The fact that it fell and landed on OP is just unfortunate.
grrhelpme 12
... I just don't understand why you'd share this....
jerryj 27
Because we, the FML community, demand continuous entertainment.
dingleberrysteve 6
anonymity
Waredo_Dyrge 11
You have no clue where you are, do you?
dRpRdP 8
it really got dirty with that ****''''roach falling on ur **** in crotch.. I cant imagine that situation.. :D
Lindz2817 10
Thanks for telling us
sunnyray812 42
That's one kinky roach.
kinky44 28
You don't say
ElricMustang 23
She just did say.
Bradley_Dillon 39
I think she did!
chilevmv 7
Definitely not the **** you wanted
perdix 31
Sounds like you are really committed to the Dirty lifestyle. I'm sure the filth in your abode makes your dirty talk muy autentico!
Rainhawk94 27
Who said it wasn't a guy?
OMG_ZOMBIES 15
I'd be too busy crying in a bleach bath to post an fml. Your life definitely sucks today op.