Today, I woke up with a dead cockroach and its guts all over my forehead. My boyfriend responded by laughing and saying "Poor guy, never had a chance to see the world." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML
Today, I finally got some sleep after an exterminator came yesterday and took care of our roach problem. I woke up and kissed my boyfriend good morning. Frowning, he told me I had something stuck on the corner of my mouth. It was a roach leg. Where is the rest of the roach? FML
Today, my roommate showed me a video of a cockroach crawling all over my face while I was asleep in the lounge. FML
Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML
Today, I walked out the back door of my place of employment and looked down to see a huge cockroach. This is quite a normal occurrence, so I thought nothing of it until I realized it was struggling to drag the corpse of one of its friends into the building. FML
Today, I heard a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I discovered my husband, naked and with his pants around his ankles, standing in the bathtub and pointing at a cockroach on the ground. After disposing of the body, I had to stay and comfort him while he wiped his ass. FML
Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML
Today, at about 3:30 a.m. I awoke to the feeling of something dropping on my head. Startled, I turned on the light. It was a gigantic cockroach. I thought I'd killed it, but when I went to collect the body it was gone. I'm too scared to sleep. Even my dog now refuses to be in the bedroom. FML
Today, I woke up, showered, and began brushing my teeth. When I started to brush my tongue I gagged, like usual, and threw up a little. What's unusual? I threw up a cockroach. FML
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
kitkatkelly 0
Well, it didn't.
gameoverman_fml 0
Your boyfriend is retarded. The cockroach was CLEARLY backpacking.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (36)
kitkatkelly 0
Well, it didn't.
coloradodude12 0
I just have to get my opinion out there. Who cares? You live in Hawaii.
the_stereotype 0
i just had a little baby barf. never want to wake up to that.
Zhejan 0
Apparently you have no idea what it feels like to be playing airplane with a baby, and having him throw up into your open mouth, and you accidentally swallow it as a reaction
nabzilla 0
oh god..eww.
vespr 0
+1
Tearz 0
Epic win.
godsrightnutsack 0
ew.
atvarela 0
niw cipe
machete_fml 0
you have something on your forehead and your BF has a sense of humour. FYL indeed, cry me a river
Sun_Kissed18 25
Exactly, its not like you ate it! It just crawled on you, tickled you, you "itched it" then woke up with guts on you. Take a shower and deal with it.
moonlight_daze 8
YDI for dating a funny guy.
rairai897 0
ok so how did she deserve it? she didnt do anything to deserve it, she could get rid of it and take a shower but she didnt deserve it
moonlight_daze 8
If she didn't want something like this to happen, she shouldn't have dated a funny guy.
plexico 4
If the cockroach had made it down to your pussy, it would have.
lovemyblueeyes 0
EW. Cockroaches are so gross. LOL that was funny what your bf said though.
gameoverman_fml 0
Your boyfriend is retarded. The cockroach was CLEARLY backpacking.
Shmeaty 0
who cares
fringle 0
Oh my gosh that is really disturbing. I'm not that afraid of insects but cockroaches are among the few that practically make me scream. FYL