Today, I was talking dirty to my long-distance lover while touching myself, when a cockroach fell from my ceiling and landed on the hand I was molesting myself with. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was having some sexy time with my boyfriend, when suddenly he jumped out of the bed, screaming. Not having my glasses on, it took me few seconds to understand that a voyeurist cockroach was in the bed with us. FML
Today, I was jerking off at 2am when a giant, thumb-sized cockroach came flying across my room, prompting me to scream pretty loudly. My mom then came into my room worried, only to find me naked on top of the couch, screaming like a little girl. I still had an erection. FML
Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML
Today, I was playing my guitar and felt something like an itch under my foot, so I attempted to scratch it by rubbing against the floor. The big cockroach made a very distinct "crunch". FML
Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML
Today, I woke up with a dead cockroach and its guts all over my forehead. My boyfriend responded by laughing and saying "Poor guy, never had a chance to see the world." FML
Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML
Today, my roommate showed me a video of a cockroach crawling all over my face while I was asleep in the lounge. FML
Today, I was studying for a big test I have next Tuesday in my room. I heard a creak in my ceiling but assumed it was nothing as my house is old. Thirty seconds later something fell from my air vent directly onto my head. It was a giant cockroach. FML
Today, I saw a cockroach on the ceiling. Immediately I got a stick to smack it down. When I hit it, it fell and landed in my mouth. Karma much? FML
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Top comments
GwennaRose 22
Maybe the cockroach just wanted to get in on the action
Welshite 40
Threesome? Oh god, that was a horrible image. *throws up*
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Comments (148)
Cluricaun 5
talk about disturbing images in my head
Gho5tk3y 17
He wants to be your (Lowers sunglasses) COCKroach
_marnie_lauren 8
Mmmmm gurl the cockroach wanted it.
1Dfangirl 21
What was your reaction?
snugglesMcGee199 23
I hate when that happens. I mean, there you are molesting yourself, and that stupid cockroach just HAS to butt in and stop you.
sonnyrosa 32
I probably would have freaked out, screamed, and punched myself in the box to kill the damned thing. Hope your evening didn't end up with you punching yourself in the nuts. And... maybe, call the exterminator? Where there's one, there's usually more!
thearmsofpeace 4
It could have been worse; it could have fallen onto your genitals.
luvmypony 6
O.o
an3ph 20
It's a sign.
AsianBomb_xo 10
lmao now, that's something you don't hear everyday...?? haha