Today, I was jerking off at 2am when a giant, thumb-sized cockroach came flying across my room, prompting me to scream pretty loudly. My mom then came into my room worried, only to find me naked on top of the couch, screaming like a little girl. I still had an erection. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was talking dirty to my long-distance lover while touching myself, when a cockroach fell from my ceiling and landed on the hand I was molesting myself with. FML
Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to go pee. While in the bathroom, I felt something move inside my shirt but just ignored it, thinking it was my shirt brushing on something. Something moved again. I ripped my shirt off to reveal a massive cockroach inside my shirt. FML
Today, I woke up to the feeling of something crawling up my leg. I threw back the bed sheets and saw it was a cockroach. My dad said my ensuing scream was so girlish that he wondered what the hell my sister was doing in my bedroom. FML
Today, I was having some sexy time with my boyfriend, when suddenly he jumped out of the bed, screaming. Not having my glasses on, it took me few seconds to understand that a voyeurist cockroach was in the bed with us. FML
Today, I was in my room, in my briefs and texting my girlfriend. Suddenly, I got a massive erection and I decided to take a picture to send her. As soon as my camera phone clicked, my mom walked in. You can see my mom in the picture screaming at me. FML
Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom burst into my room to ask if I was okay because she thought the squeaking was me crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML
Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML
Today, at about 3:30 a.m. I awoke to the feeling of something dropping on my head. Startled, I turned on the light. It was a gigantic cockroach. I thought I'd killed it, but when I went to collect the body it was gone. I'm too scared to sleep. Even my dog now refuses to be in the bedroom. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML
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Top comments
real life problems 26
You have a couch in your room? Is it black leather and used for casting some new actresses?
pugs 12
That must’ve been a hard time for you and your mom.
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Comments (20)
Charlie Given 28
Hi it's your friendly neighborhood COCKroach here need some help? 🤣🤣🤣🤣
pugs 12
That must’ve been a hard time for you and your mom.
real life problems 26
You have a couch in your room? Is it black leather and used for casting some new actresses?
julfunky 29
It was 2 am. Maybe OP, being the genius that he is, thought the living room was a safe space.
real life problems 26
it says on the couch in my room
DraftHail614 17
The joke went right over your head, bud.
RichardPencil 32
Tell your mom you had a fear boner and hope she’s not too sharp about male physiology.
dexter420 21
I will never understand why no one locks or blocks their door for these situations
realjojo 11
It hardly works. You have no idea how sneaky those cockroach are.
Mungolikecandy 19
Unless the couch was in your bedroom, what is it with people jerking off in shared living spaces?
rockwelll 9
you should read his post again. he said my mom came into my room worried...
TeacherTeem 21
If you said to your mom, “I was scared by a big cockroach,” there was the briefest of moments between you saying “****” and “roach” that your mom looked at your **** and considered whether or not she would say that it was “big.”
Alup132 22
What the hell, lay off the ****...
thatslifeiguess7 16
In the living room? Good grief go take a shower or something
doomsdayaddams 6
There are these things called “locks” that can be used when we want privacy. They’re great. You should try them.
TheSminty1 17
Wait! I've seen this movie!