Today, I was playing my guitar and felt something like an itch under my foot, so I attempted to scratch it by rubbing against the floor. The big cockroach made a very distinct "crunch". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML
Today, I thought I felt something itch my butt as I sat down on the toilet. Sure it was just my imagination, I did my business. When I was done I saw there were 4 cockroaches crawling under the seat. FML
Today, I put my house shoes on without socks, but felt a rock in them. I shook it free and out dropped a half-crushed roach. FML
Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML
Today, I was taking a final exam and I reached into my pocket to get out a pencil. I felt this thing in my pocket so I got it out and put it on the desk. At first I thought it was a leaf but then it started kicking and trying to run around. It was a cockroach. It had been living in my pocket. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to go pee. While in the bathroom, I felt something move inside my shirt but just ignored it, thinking it was my shirt brushing on something. Something moved again. I ripped my shirt off to reveal a massive cockroach inside my shirt. FML
Today, I was laying out in my backyard trying to get some color when I felt a little tickle on my lips. I rubbed them together to satisfy the itch, when I felt a sort of crunchiness popping between them. I had crushed a spider between my lips and its legs were still moving. FML
Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML
Today, I saw a cockroach on the ceiling. Immediately I got a stick to smack it down. When I hit it, it fell and landed in my mouth. Karma much? FML
Today, I woke up to the feeling of something crawling up my leg. I threw back the bed sheets and saw it was a cockroach. My dad said my ensuing scream was so girlish that he wondered what the hell my sister was doing in my bedroom. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Jimster1712 0
Now you can play a papa roach song! great band!
Grayscale 9
Crush their life in to pieces..
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (85)
Jimster1712 0
Now you can play a papa roach song! great band!
Xtra_Cheddar 3
I stepped on a cricket one time bare footed at a theme park
Grayscale 9
Crush their life in to pieces..
hellogoodbye1996 6
Today, I was crawling on the floor and something squished me, FML.
GlitteryMasakali 1
I stepped on a wasp once, while playing soccer, bare footed. It stung me.
YourEvilHero 12
I have seen a lot of frogs in the front lawn at my place as of late. I just know one day i will step on one. I'll be sure to make an fml about it.
dd809 9
2- Why were you walking around at a theme park without shoes? That's disgusting!
Enslaved 38
At 3 that's replying to 1, I was thinking more along the lines of "Getting Away with Murder" myself. (:
Deathhound 27
Great idea!
fashionistaGirll 0
At 14, it probably was a water theme park...
gojira666 7
And by great band do you mean not a great band at all?
Keyman1212 14
Ayyyoo 43, you burnt the shit out of 1. No, actually, you DIDN'T.
ImFrackinBored 13
Getting an itch on your face while your playing guitar sucks. Especially in front of people during a solo...
Xtra_Cheddar 3
14- I was at the water park section, do you go swimming with shoes on? Smartass
Finn_the_human 5
Was it a Rockband guitar? And was your friends fiancé playing the drums while taking a crap?
YdoIhaveAchode 4
Crunchatize me, captain!
XxHoPPoxX 8
be greatful it wasnt a rad-roach (fnv FTW)
CryMoreFMLs 15
I think OP would have other problems is it was a rad-roach.... Mainly the roach being the size of your foot might be one.
rottentomatoes 7
The roch doesn't need to be the size of a foot to be crushed by it. I find it strange that there are roaches in the first place.
ilovefall10 21
That's so weird. Just moments ago a big roach crawled onto my hand! I feel for ya OP! Creepy little bastards they are.
hellogoodbye1996 6
Today, I was crawling on the ground and some guy squished me. FML.
DropTheDaggerxx 31
FMLs written from another point of view stopped being funny about.. wait, it was never funny.
picupbart 0
today people stopped thinking I was funny because Im the reverse FML... FML
sciencekidster1 8
I hope your pretending to be the roach.
AndreKanaan 6
Play la cucaracha in it's honor since you squished the poor bugger with your foot
tammy0312 6
Lol! You know you're Latino when you would bring something up like that, ha! My dad taught me an alternate version of that song. It goes... La cucaracha La cucaracha La que tiene tu mama Cuando se agacha Cuando se agacha Se la mira tu papa! I know it's sick, but still hilarious!
Sacurason 0
Ahhh, if only I knew Spanish...
Janawa 22
Haha! I do, and that is hilarious... Z:)
Janawa 22
And maybe OP will have to bless it's soul, for how could she not hear it's spirit wail in pain as she crushed it's soul. Yes I feel sorry for it, for it has to do into the spirit world the way it left the living plane..... Goodbye, la cucaracha, and may Ussen bless you soul.
MisterMichael 9
I hate cockroaches and crunchy noises
tammy0312 6
Ewwww.... They're so disgusting! I would freak! When I was little I moved to a ghetto area and they had roaches. It was so bad one morning my face was itchy so I went to scratch then felt something weird, that's when I realized I had just squished a roach on my face! I was scarred for life! Thank God we moved and left all our shit there so we wouldn't infest our new place too! Oh yeah and FYL OP.
BlueberrySwisher 9
Stop playing guitar and clean your house bum.
datsamegui 0
Wrong FML buddy.
BellaBelle_fml 23
Right FML, wrong appROACH to this situation.
Glitterhinoceros 14
Lovely
gleeklove 2
Hold a funeral for the cockroach! Come on give it some respect!!
Raidriar 14
To all those who disliked this: A cockroach is living too, and deserves some respect. Humans are incredibly selfish and do not care for the billions they kill to get their way. It's sad, we hurt the earth in so many ways and do not even care.