Today, I was talking dirty to my long-distance lover while touching myself, when a cockroach fell from my ceiling and landed on the hand I was molesting myself with. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was having some sexy time with my boyfriend, when suddenly he jumped out of the bed, screaming. Not having my glasses on, it took me few seconds to understand that a voyeurist cockroach was in the bed with us. FML
Today, I was jerking off at 2am when a giant, thumb-sized cockroach came flying across my room, prompting me to scream pretty loudly. My mom then came into my room worried, only to find me naked on top of the couch, screaming like a little girl. I still had an erection. FML
Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML
Today, I was playing my guitar and felt something like an itch under my foot, so I attempted to scratch it by rubbing against the floor. The big cockroach made a very distinct "crunch". FML
Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML
Today, I woke up with a dead cockroach and its guts all over my forehead. My boyfriend responded by laughing and saying "Poor guy, never had a chance to see the world." FML
Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML
Today, my roommate showed me a video of a cockroach crawling all over my face while I was asleep in the lounge. FML
Today, I was studying for a big test I have next Tuesday in my room. I heard a creak in my ceiling but assumed it was nothing as my house is old. Thirty seconds later something fell from my air vent directly onto my head. It was a giant cockroach. FML
Today, I saw a cockroach on the ceiling. Immediately I got a stick to smack it down. When I hit it, it fell and landed in my mouth. Karma much? FML
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Top comments
GwennaRose 22
Maybe the cockroach just wanted to get in on the action
Welshite 40
Threesome? Oh god, that was a horrible image. *throws up*
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Comments (148)
victrin 12
Ceiling roach was watching you **********.
kyriatic 1
I prefer spider bro.
RedX1000FML 11
Poor Cockroach. Forever Alone.
bludanzr 2
sounds like its a sign from above to stop!
bobo_the_bear 5
You stopped! Your nothing more than a cockroach tease.
kitsune309 15
I love you, random person.
bobo_the_bear 5
Thank you, I love you too.
MikeonFML 17
I feel like the phraseology made it seem feminine, could be either though.
kipfischer 11
I think it's time to move
virco 1
Dafuq did i just read
ErinBaby33 6
You're gross for not cleaning your apartment!
NotoriousLES 14
Having roaches is definitely disgusting, but it doesn't mean her apartment isn't clean. Clean places are actually just as likely to get bugs as dirty ones when you share walls with other units, and they are very hard to get rid of.
imagineapc 11
I'm more curious to know why you say you are molesting yourself....
EmmaMK 35
Me too. It's not a bad thing to do.
lux0rd 18
mo·lest /məˈlest/ Verb Pester or harass (someone), typically in an aggressive or persistent manner. Assault or abuse (a person, esp. a woman or child) sexually. ------------------------------------------------------------------ Definitely not meanings that you can usually attribute to jacking off yourself.
love_me_electric 20
I dunno, maybe she was going so hard she rubbed the skin off? I think that would qualify as self-abuse.
theBipolarExpres 2
thats actually not the only definition, it can also mean to fondle for finger but only if its being used to describe an action. It has negative connotations now days but I had a book that was from about the 1800s and they use it to describe a woman touching or the lace along the table cloth. (background the character is blind and she's trying to understand her world through touch)
perdix 31
Good thing you had your hand there. Probably kept the roach from getting a hole-in-one, if you know what I mean ;)
ksks1234 33
Thanks for that image that will haunt my dreams.
perdix 31
#77, just don't think of Roach Motel, where roaches check in, but they don't check out, and you'll be OK;)