Today, I was talking dirty to my long-distance lover while touching myself, when a cockroach fell from my ceiling and landed on the hand I was molesting myself with. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was having some sexy time with my boyfriend, when suddenly he jumped out of the bed, screaming. Not having my glasses on, it took me few seconds to understand that a voyeurist cockroach was in the bed with us. FML
Today, I was jerking off at 2am when a giant, thumb-sized cockroach came flying across my room, prompting me to scream pretty loudly. My mom then came into my room worried, only to find me naked on top of the couch, screaming like a little girl. I still had an erection. FML
Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML
Today, I was playing my guitar and felt something like an itch under my foot, so I attempted to scratch it by rubbing against the floor. The big cockroach made a very distinct "crunch". FML
Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML
Today, I woke up with a dead cockroach and its guts all over my forehead. My boyfriend responded by laughing and saying "Poor guy, never had a chance to see the world." FML
Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML
Today, my roommate showed me a video of a cockroach crawling all over my face while I was asleep in the lounge. FML
Today, I was studying for a big test I have next Tuesday in my room. I heard a creak in my ceiling but assumed it was nothing as my house is old. Thirty seconds later something fell from my air vent directly onto my head. It was a giant cockroach. FML
Today, I saw a cockroach on the ceiling. Immediately I got a stick to smack it down. When I hit it, it fell and landed in my mouth. Karma much? FML
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Top comments
GwennaRose 22
Maybe the cockroach just wanted to get in on the action
Welshite 40
Threesome? Oh god, that was a horrible image. *throws up*
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Comments (148)
Slimma 20
**** blocked by a cockroach. dang.
thatonekid1994 4
Boom goes the cockroach
swishsimpson 7
molesting yourself with... molesting is defitinely the wrong word for your lewd acts lol
skyeyez9 25
The Cockroach took his name way too seriously.
alikikind 0
OP, clearly you have no idea what the word molesting stands for. Thus said, you not only used the word out of context but by doing so most likely insulted and even hurt people who not only know the correct meaning of the word but have also had it happen to them. Next time choose your words wisely.
love_me_electric 20
I guess we also shouldn't use phrases like "curiosity killed the cat" because we might insult someone whose cat has recently died *eyeroll*
NotoriousLES 14
I believe it's called a sense of humor... Most people have one. Even if it wasn't funny, it's obviously in jest. Anyone who may be offend or "even hurt" by a stupid joke is way too thin-skinned for FML.
randomuser1989 10
Let me tell you about something that happened to me when I was about 5-6 years old. I was riding my bike up and down the street I lived on, not far, about a block back and forth in broad daylight. A man, a complete stranger, grabbed me lifted my skirt and started trying to get into my underwear, lucky me held strong to my bike pedaled hard and got away. And you know what, some poor Argentinean guy/girl whose first language is almost assuredly not English had nothing to do with that and their misinterpretation of words doesn't lead me to think that they find the kind of thing that happened to me funny or excusable in any way.
thebearhunter7 18
thats disgusting! clean your house.
sickerthanyou 13
maybe the cockroach was being heroic and try to save you from molesting yourself, but then again those filthy things like wet, dark and damp places, maybe you need to clean yourself a bit so cockroaches won't want to get in there
arctic_viper 4
well maybe he wanted to see what all the fuss was about.
happyfingers 15
As horrifying as that is I am inclined to say YDI just for saying you were "molesting" yourself. I mean, the hell?
False_Stupidity 42
I'd like to point out that OP is Argentinian so English is probably not their main language. Therefore it sound more like a misinterpretation of words.
Euphrates 10
You molest yourself?