Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML
Today, my girlfriend stuck her finger up my butt while giving me a hand-job, promising it would feel really good. It just felt awkward and made me need to poop. FML
Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. I thought I'd be spontaneous and spice things up, and gave her a spank across the butt. She started crying. FML
Today, my boyfriend stuck his finger in my butt and I liked it, but I can’t ever tell him that or he’ll get that smug look on his face like, “I told you so, let’s have anal now.” FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML
Today, my girlfriend revealed that last night she decided to 'test how asleep I was' by putting her finger up my nose as far as she could. Then in my mouth. Then in my ear. Then back in my mouth. I slept through the whole thing. FML
Today, I was getting dirty with my boyfriend. It was the first time he had fingered anyone, and the only thing he said was, "It feels like the inside of my asshole." FML
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML
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Top comments
diesel42o 0
she owned u on that one
sam_stalker 0
op she didn't think it was sexy, she did it for revenge >=~}
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Comments (370)
imsh0rts0watt88 1
haha. that sucks
LolFYLS 0
not at all he can now get her back twice as bad. if you know what I mean * surprise anal*
cheerchika 0
why would she do that haha. that's kinda... out there. get her back big time.
randomgf 0
That doesn't suck, it tickles!
gamercanadian 11
Ahaha WTF Yo
Iskaria 0
If you think surprise anal us possible you have never had anal sex before. lol
unfortunate_13 5
that's why you have to talk about sex. you can't just assume what the other person likes or not. talk about it and find out how you can make the sex (even) better.
yazmi_09 3
op's gf has a good point there
insanesna1l 0
perhaps he tried the surprise root before, hence why she surprised him back (root - aussie slang for sex, not a typo)
MetallicaRules19 4
hahaha B 4 I ROOT U R U /16 ? summer heights high ftw :D brisvegas ftw too :D
T3P33_fml 0
suuurpriiiiiise Buttseks!!
DeesFMLs 0
#79 aussies for the win biatch :)
pimplayer 0
smell her thumb ! lmao
QueenOfBoredom 0
damn you that's what i was gonna say
FunwithBumperCar 0
Take a baseball bat, some lube and earplugs. Its payback time!
Lustuu_fml 14
Yeah 198 .. & I don't think she was trying to be SEXY, if she wanted you to Know how it feels. Maybe she wanted to show you that it's very annoying when men just want anal. plus, it's gross. POO BOX!
Milly143 3
SURPRISE BUTTSECKS!!!!!
josh55 1
hahaha you finished despite a little finger in your butt good shit lol haha
diesel42o 0
she owned u on that one
Hanimon 0
he can still give her some surprise buttsecks
YayaInLalaLand 0
You win for an =3 reference
braydog 2
=3 ftw :D
T3P33_fml 0
*sexist joke about women not being smart*
MissBunny25 0
*sexist joke about men only thinking with their dicks*
techweed 12
#23 I luv u as well raywilliamjohnson RWJFTW. also, #2 ROFLMFAO
SassiestLemon 2
Sorry to break it to you, 162, but I don't find that offensive. I think of it as a compliment ;D
zakkyzebra 11
Get off the computer and go make a sandwich.
youngclench 0
lol, 162, you crazy feminazi! go make a sandwich before men take back your rights.
scoobdog 1
162 so what your saying is that I get straight A's because of my penis and when I think when I'm playing sports is because of my dick
benefiits 0
213... you can only get A's? you know bra sizes go higher right!?
GreatGeak 8
243 wins best pun of the week.
Mortanious 0
Surprise buttsecks is way older than =3
JohnFR33M4N 0
I agree, how far can she even get a finger up THAT far before the guy yelps like a little bitch and pulls away.
htaylor 1
if there is anything to him there is no surprise. and next time he might get worse than her finger.
IceCreamm_fml 14
lol
robotiick 12
deff got owned
sam_stalker 0
op she didn't think it was sexy, she did it for revenge >=~}
I_R_Genius 3
This reminds me of the time Kay tried to shove a big black ***** up my ass, but didn't work. Then king dinga ling came along and was able to do it. Oh sorry, I'll stop talking about my fantasies.
NINJAPROTOTYPE10 0
GTFO... stupid comments.
I_R_Genius 3
How are my comments stupid by chance? I was just saying my fantasies I have about ling ling and Kay.
ILoveEggnog 7
It's ok Genius, we all have those fantasies. Mine are usually about Doc and Boners though.
DocBastard 40
Wh...wh...what?? You mean "Doc OR Boners", right? I'm sure Mrs. Bastard would not approve otherwise.
kaitlengrant 0
agreed.
ILoveEggnog 7
Doc, it never even crossed my mind that I would need Mrs. Bastards approval.
andilynn55 0
I agree. xD
Life_is_FML 22
Up yours OP. Literally
HunterDanielle 3
well.. that's awkward. she's got a point though..
mddaily21 0
how long in Canada.
jdude2913 0
I'm a dude and I would yell to. but that is fuking hilariou
jdude2913 0
dude if that happened to me I would yell too. but man, that is hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!
Thale_fml 8
Doesn't feel too good now, does it?
Hyogoko 0
she does have a point, up his ass that is lol
Avenged7Gabe 0
well it feels different for girls than guys
whoisthisgirl 4
LOL great
keilah 4
It's true, men have an extra gland that women don't that make it more pleasurable for them.
Thale_fml 8
Yeah, but most people don't like a finger shoved up their ass without warning. I certainly don't. And I doubt it OP or OP's girlfriend did either.
Mamii_so_sexii 0
lmaoo win
nateiztite 5
win and nice:D
fearthereaper79 0
Dude sad to say but, you go had it coming
sicwitit 0
ydi
I_R_Genius 3
Sorry to say it, bit the comma comes before the word 'but.'
I_R_Genius 3
But*
fearthereaper79 0
Oh yeah huh
MrLaryRottweila 1
Double fail
hawty12345 0
haha oh gosh..57 WINS.
TaylorTotsYumm 10
Cumming*
ohSNAPyall 27
what what?
Hikarishimizu 13
nice name lol
aarons123 0
DOUBLE FAIL! ITS SO INTENSE
mandyxoxo1212 0
in the butt butt
dirtyblond 4
whoooa!thats some pretty hardcore stuff..
pennies_lane 6
its not THAT hardcore.....it was just a finger :/
thrAsHeRr9081 16
That is nowhere close to hard core lmao.
dirtyblond 4
guysss im kiddinggg!geez..
Karli96 0
it was a little more than obvious she was being sarcastic.
MissBunny25 0
hahah seriously they sit on then Internet all day, you'd think they could pick up sarcasm.
KUSHaholic 0
Veerryyyy ! lol
kingvilaysing 0
hey
Jacksparrow72 21
Hahaha that sucks broski
zolziski 11
Your girlfriend is awesome. You might feel a little violated now, but as the years go by and your sex life starts getting stale, you'll remember she did this & realize the door to explore is open.
kornhead09 0
While I understand the point your trying to make, in this context your comment really creeps me out.
blgjohnnyy 0
agreed ^^
DjeePee 25
A little violated? Well, it depends whether she did it nice and slowly or damn fast (probably the last one, otherwise I really doubt OP would find it a FML. The prostate is a really sensitive thing.), but I think it's very wrong to feel violated by your partner, even a little bit. OP's girlfriend can speak, so she could also say 'no, I don't want anal' or 'it hurts, quit it'. Taking revenge is not good, nor healthy. From personal experience I know it can be tough to say 'no' to something your partner really is enjoying, but if it hurts, you simply have to stop for the sake of your emotional and physical health. If OP's girlfriend didn't dare to say anything, except on this way, then she is the one who deserves the pain. I really doubt OP was not willing to stop if his girlfriend asked it.
11wanda11 6
94, write a novel why don't you! what a load of crap, I couldn't even be botherd reading it.. blah blah blah
TaylorTotsYumm 10
I would read her novel.
pennies_lane 6
122, that's because I highly doubt that you would (or could) read anything longer than two sentences and that didn't have pictures.
DeesFMLs 0
win ^^ :))
CommonSenseKarma 17
Ignorance can cause cancer. Remember that, kids.
odexy 12
Yeah, sometimes saying no just isn't good enough. After telling my boyfriend I wasn't interested, I saw his google search bar said "how to make anal less painful" the next day.
sassypants93 17
122- How would you know it was a load of crap if you couldn't even be BOTHERED to read it? Personally, I believe she made good points. You might know about them if you were able to read them without getting a headache.
alipod 11
he needs to know how to clear browser's history
alipod 11
he needs to know how to clear browser's history
RedPillSucks 33
DjeePee, While you're correct from a therapy perspective and your points are good, you also have to realize that women are not socialized to say no to men, especially during sex. It's a battle they still have to overcome. Yes, I know it's the 21st century, but the 15th century still rules.