Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML
Today, me and my girlfriend were heading back to her place. On the way there, she was rubbing and stroking me. When we got there, I asked her mom for a congrats hug. I forgot I had a hard on from my girlfriend. She felt it. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going at it doggy style, really fast, when she started laughing. I asked her what was so amusing and she giggled, "I can't feel anything in there." FML
Today, I went all the way for the first time with my girlfriend. After I had finished, she asked me, "What just happened? Was that sex?" I wasn't sure either. FML
Today, my girlfriend of two years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML
Today, I made love to my girlfriend. I penetrated her for a while, then stopped to get my breath back... She carried on moaning even though I'd stopped moving. FML
Today, as my girlfriend and I were making out, I slowly took my clothes off and revealed my body to her for the first time. She looked, smiled, and said reassuringly, "Aww, don't worry. I know how it's supposed to look." FML
Today, as my girlfriend and I were making love, and she started to moan and groan. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "I'm lying, you suck at this." FML
Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I started to put my hands down his pants and jokingly said, "Sorry, I'm not very good at hand jobs." He replied, "I know." FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
You sure were hard... Hard to find.
cuddly_scorpion 4
Well, shit.
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Comments (66)
Kalipczo 21
Maybe you were in a weird or awkward position that made it difficult to fully feel the entirety of your manhood.
jizzwold 21
This seems pretty optimistic.
GuessWhatKids 13
77 - It is. People like to thumbs up any comments that say something nice to the OP.
Kalipczo 21
You weren't there, maybe that's how it happened. Why bother knocking ops self esteem down even more? He already feels bad.
buddy51 23
Tell her "It's not the meat it's the motion" OP. it's not true and she won't believe it but maybe you can salvage a little teeny weeny bit of self esteem!
hayfayday 15
Or he can salvage his teeny "weiny" self esteem.
Sulphuric_Glue 16
46 ayyy lmao
AH1Zviper 15
The world is life saving medicine. Like penis enlargement pills.
AH1Zviper 15
Damn it. I meant to say the world is full of life saving medicine.
VeganVampyre 27
We all knew what you meant. Didn't make it any better.
perdix 31
You should put some super-stiff hair gel on your pubes -- that'll fool her for the next date or two.
HortonThelephant 15
It's not merely the size of the boat, but rather, the motion of the ocean. Unless there is a raging typhoon. Ask your gf if she is a massive, ship crushing hurricane. If that answer is yes, tell her to sew it up and take her charlatan tricks elsewhere.
perdix 31
#17, that's only partly right. Yes, you don't need to have a supertanker, but, on the other hand, a little dinghy is not going to get the job done. For her pleasure, you should have at least a nice tugger.
VeganVampyre 27
Why are we using marine metaphors for sex?
TheBrochure 22
#68 - Because the homophones "seamen" and "semen" both apply, so why not eliminate confusion?
Sulphuric_Glue 16
It also depends on whether or not you can make the enemy ship explode with your guns.
PenguinBitch 44
You might want to go see a doctor if you feel insecure. But yet again, he might direct you to Weenie Hut General.
Ceejay1 13
That is ****** up for her and you.
TheCutestLizard 28
Why was she trying to touch your penis if it was your first time making out with her?! Shouldn't she be nervous or something?
Sheh_fml 25
Why should she be nervous?
afallingstar 22
Not nervous...but that does seem a bit forward for the first time making out...
chanellgymnast 17
Sounds like she doesn't even know what "hard" is then.
LuckBeNimble 19
or she knows too well.
akiahara 14
Interesting that it's the guys who say it's how you use it...