Today, I was given a lapdance by a pregnant stripper. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, at my bachelorette party, I got so wasted, I ended up giving my stripper a lap dance because he "wasn't doing it properly". There's photos. FML
Get out of here
Today, my girlfriend hated the idea of sex so much she was willing to give me money for a stripper. FML
Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband reacted by going out and smoking weed, then getting completely shitfaced, and having his buddies drag his nearly-comatose carcass back home from a strip club. FML
Today, I walked in on my dad giving my mom a striptease. FML
Today, I was at the bar. A man started to hit on me. He claims to have a fetish for pregnant women. I'm not pregnant. FML
Life goals
Today, my daughter told me she wants to be a stripper when she grows up, just like "Daddy's girlfriend." We're still married. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. We haven't had sex yet. FML
Today, I was at the strip club. I put my dollar on the stage. When the stripper came over to take it, she stood me up and flipped my tits and said I had bigger ones than her. I'm a guy. FML
Rookie mistake
Today, I found out the girl I lost my virginity to during prom night is pregnant with my kid. FML
Today, I found out that my parents bought a stripper pole, my mom even hired a stripper to teach her some "moves." I'm scared to go in their room now. FML
Top comments
cameronman9 2
Does this pregnant stripper happen to be your wife?
comedybreak 20
This is why safe sex is important Guys, learn. But seriously OP it's your fault for letting her
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Comments (249)
DjeePee 25
I'm a little bit shocked by the majority of funny comments here. Is there no one besides me who feels ashamed and sorry for that woman, because her life is so ******-up she gives lapdances, (half)naked, while being pregnant?
your_ma 27
Just say no. They only start dancing if they get paid to, they stop when they're asked. Just saying.
SparkleyTurtle 4
Did you feel it kick? :)
SheepShoop_fml 20
While I'm not big on kids, pregnancy is an oddly sexy thing. So... 1. Get over it 2. YDI for being lame Also in the case that she's stripping for the sole purpose of supporting herself and her pregnancy, and is killing her soul in the process, FHL. (If she has her other reasons and does not feel like she's killing her soul doing it then it's another story. I can't pretend to know, but just the way it looks...I feel sad for her.) That being said, if I knew someone who was good at lapdances, into that sort of thing, and pregnant (and didn't mind doing said lapdance while pregnant), I would totally give her money. Mmm, pregnant women.
amykins11 6
pregnant girls are hot...
sierra142 19
And that's F your life? More like F hers. Can you imagine how desperate a pregnant woman must be in order to lap dance, half naked with her unborn baby inside her for some douche bag stranger who pays for it?
bettyloohoo 0
My thoughts exactly! Thank you.
unknown_user5566 27
Mom just wanted to give the kiddo a leg up in the family business, that's all. Be proud OP, you were part of a pre-birth training experience.
eris1028 4
Thats not even funny really
jayhawkchik 4
Hey, it's two for one!
kotabones 0
That's the Tuesday 2 for 1 special. Not saying pregnant women aren't sexy or that they're ugly but definitely shouldn't be stripping.
ryankon518 3
That's two for the price of one!