Today, I was given a lapdance by a pregnant stripper. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, at my bachelorette party, I got so wasted, I ended up giving my stripper a lap dance because he "wasn't doing it properly". There's photos. FML
Get out of here
Today, my girlfriend hated the idea of sex so much she was willing to give me money for a stripper. FML
Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband reacted by going out and smoking weed, then getting completely shitfaced, and having his buddies drag his nearly-comatose carcass back home from a strip club. FML
Today, I walked in on my dad giving my mom a striptease. FML
Today, I was at the bar. A man started to hit on me. He claims to have a fetish for pregnant women. I'm not pregnant. FML
Life goals
Today, my daughter told me she wants to be a stripper when she grows up, just like "Daddy's girlfriend." We're still married. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. We haven't had sex yet. FML
Today, I was at the strip club. I put my dollar on the stage. When the stripper came over to take it, she stood me up and flipped my tits and said I had bigger ones than her. I'm a guy. FML
Rookie mistake
Today, I found out the girl I lost my virginity to during prom night is pregnant with my kid. FML
Today, I found out that my parents bought a stripper pole, my mom even hired a stripper to teach her some "moves." I'm scared to go in their room now. FML
Top comments
cameronman9 2
Does this pregnant stripper happen to be your wife?
comedybreak 20
This is why safe sex is important Guys, learn. But seriously OP it's your fault for letting her
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Comments (249)
comedybreak 20
This is why safe sex is important Guys, learn. But seriously OP it's your fault for letting her
wallandpiece 16
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You deserved it for using a stripper.
onlychildFTW 34
Well OP, you used a stripper in the 1st place, you let her give you a lap dance as well. Because you're paying I'm sure you could have said no to her.
Nutty4Muffs 3
Yeah Storm, and according to Two and a Half Men, they just need sex all the time, thanks to hormones. We need to keep our partners pregnant, all the time, for the extra sexy sex guys; who's with me?
outstandtacular 11
How is this an FML if you chose to get a lap dance from a pregnant stripper?
Ch0sen 13
I somehow first read it as "pregnant spider". I need an eye examination...
The_CL0GGER 0
Lol # 101, I wonder how that would work...
UnleashedKilla1 4
Off topic but, #1, your profile picture is hilarious.
kirakush13 4
I di the same thing!
oneFUCKINword 8
58 you obviously have never been with a pregnant chick. Two and a half men is a show... In reality, pregnant women are moody, bloated, cranky, sore, and have an extremely lowered libido, not to mention the gigantic turn off from feeling the baby kicking inside of you. Even if the guy can't feel it, the mum can feel every little movement, and there is nothing less exciting then the idea of having sex while your pregnant. I have a lot of friends who went over 6 months with out sex while pregnant.. But hey, if that's what your into go right ahead...
bandeek 30
115. im 8 months pregnant, and ive wanted sex this entire pregnancy. its different for everyone.
baddawg365 0
114- You got a lap dance from a pregnant stripper?
Sonfang 19
#115 I've known a lot of women who are just the opposite! They crave sex more than normal, plus their partners seem happier without having to worry about "safe" sex. As for you OP, get over it, there are beautiful pregnant women. If you were paying for it you should have said "no thank you" when she came in/asked you, or asked for a substitution.
tori1664 0
im 5 months pregnant, and I cant get enough sex! lol i want it waayyy more than I ever did before.
mxpklx 12
Spitter! Shoot it!
GothicAngel17 24
I'm five and a half months pregnant and hate sex right now. I have the whole time. It's painful, uncomfortable and when the baby kicks it's a huge turn off. But everyone is different. Some pregnant women have an extremely high libido (lucky bitches), some have absolutely no libido and some are just average. People need to stop making assumptions, especially when it comes to pregnancy. And as for OP, well YDI for letting her. Aren't men meant to find pregnant women sexy and beautiful anyway? I'm always shocked at the amount of wolf whistles, leers and general primitive rudeness that has been directed toward me by men since I've started showing.
esines 9
Hey everyone asking him why he accepted: Maybe his friends bought him a strip dance from her and he was too shy or didn't want to be a dick and tell her no. Everyones assuming he bought one for himself and freaking out, damn...
Jonkbaby 23
that's snot cool
xxBFMVAAMIWxx 18
Not sure if YDI or FYL...
midnightxloner 1
Why would you sit through that?!?
SkoomaKi 28
OP was probably too shocked to do anything. I mean if that baby was kicking too, I would have cried.
Axipiter 24
Because once she was on him, he couldn't stand?
ImaginaryFoe 1
If I recall correctly, they ask you if you want a lapdance first or you ask them. It's not like they just hop on anyone sitting down. OP, YDI. If you didn't want the dance, you should've said so.
luckyd880 12
No no. He asked her for one while she was Turned away from him. Then she turned around, bulging belly and all, and jumped on before he realized. Then it was too late. She had him pinned.
andrealovvve 17
Maybe he felt bad so he just sat there ?
22cute 17
Maybe he just wanted to post an FML
the_enigma1019 1
Well, some people are into that kind of thing......
CockAsian 14
Yea, people who are messed up in the head. Or they have to be really freaking horny.
CaramelMacchiato 13
Or are shit face wasted.
ICATiger 13
Alan Harper comes to mind!
GoWithTheFro 10
Or Pedobear bringing his tastes to a new level :)
cnorris31 2
There called pedophiles
Llamacod 11
dumbass, first if all it is "they're" and secondly pedophiles like children not pregnant ladies. pregnancy is a beautiful thing and, assuming the women is attractive in the first place, pregnant women are beautiful.
xFluttershy 7
132 - I think what 68 means is that there is technically a child inside her so pedobear found it attractive
riax 9
Well apparantly pregnant women get really horny.. So mebe some ppl find that attractive:/
maosquare 18
132 - You really shouldn't be commenting on people's grammar when yours is all over the place.
1crabbygirl 10
*Yeah*. What she said.
GothicAngel17 24
144- trust me, not all pregnant women are horny. When you're pregnant you're moody, sad, sore, exhausted, uncomfortable, nauseous and perpetually hungry. Not to mention when you're in the act and the baby kicks. Biggest. Turn-off. Ever. But I'm not saying all pregnant women are like that. Some really are super horny. And all pregnant women are beautiful and sexy in their own right, even if they don't feel like they are.
esines 9
7 - coming from the guy named cockasian
MrLuvinmalife 6
I would be like no thanks...
lfrye 6
Oh I thought you were gonna be like hell yeah
cameronman9 2
Does this pregnant stripper happen to be your wife?
luckyd880 12
Sighhhh gotta love role playing. Next on the list--Sexy school teacher that ate one of her students.
JayChuckles 4
That costs extra down town.
maytheforce_ 0
Burn baby burn, disco inferno
alycion 39
Nah in Florida it's considered a bonus.
thisisafunnyname 12
Lap dances from 2 people for the price of 1! even though one of them is just a fetus...
wlddog 14
Next time go to the nice gentlemens club. You know, the one were all the women are NOT pregnant.
GothicAngel17 24
Some people find pregnant women sexy as hell. Just sayin'.
wlddog 14
Some do,,,, but not very many. I have three kids. Each time I looked forward to my wife getting her figure back. If when your preg is when you look your best, you have a long life ahead of you.
Kitsi 14
And your kids will have a life with a shallow douche like you.I'm sad you procreated. Don't teach them your bullshit. Furthermore, if your wife's looks are more important than her as human being, get a life. I've seen stick with their partners after being burnt or maimed. Clearly you wouldn't....
rcgirl2 11
Well if you didn't want to get a lap dance by her, why did you sit through it?
Zedd_fml 8
Desperate?
ThatLooksSticky 16
2-for-1 special! You usually have to pay more for that.
CaramelMacchiato 13
More like a 2-in-1 special! *shudders*
cathyfang1533 12
Baby's first lap dance!
MsConfusedd 27
How do you not deserve that??