Today, at my bachelorette party, I got so wasted, I ended up giving my stripper a lap dance because he "wasn't doing it properly". There's photos. FML

Get out of here

Today, my girlfriend hated the idea of sex so much she was willing to give me money for a stripper. FML

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband reacted by going out and smoking weed, then getting completely shitfaced, and having his buddies drag his nearly-comatose carcass back home from a strip club. FML

Today, I walked in on my dad giving my mom a striptease. FML

Today, I was at the bar. A man started to hit on me. He claims to have a fetish for pregnant women. I'm not pregnant. FML

Life goals

Today, my daughter told me she wants to be a stripper when she grows up, just like "Daddy's girlfriend." We're still married. FML

Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. We haven't had sex yet. FML

Today, I was at the strip club. I put my dollar on the stage. When the stripper came over to take it, she stood me up and flipped my tits and said I had bigger ones than her. I'm a guy. FML

Rookie mistake

Today, I found out the girl I lost my virginity to during prom night is pregnant with my kid. FML

Today, I found out that my parents bought a stripper pole, my mom even hired a stripper to teach her some "moves." I'm scared to go in their room now. FML