Today, I was telling a close friend about the devastating discovery of my husband’s cheating. Turns out, she may be giving my children a half-sister for Christmas. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I learned that my wife had been cheating on me. What's worse? My kids found out three months before I did, and told me that they like him better than me. FML
Today, I found out that my kids are both my half-brothers, and the fertility tests my wife had us do a few years ago showed that I'm sterile. She didn't tell me until I found the test results in her desk and asked her about it. FML
Today, my colleague rushed off to the hospital for the birth of his first son. Having met his wife at the Christmas party a couple of years ago, I called to congratulate her. Shame I didn't realize it was his mistress having the baby. Guess who broke the news to the wife. FML
Today with a DNA test, I found out that my husband is my half brother. 30 years ago his father made a donation to the sperm bank my mother used, and I’m the result. To make matters worse, I’m pregnant. FML
Today, my husband came clean to having an affair with my sister. I later found out my other sister encouraged the affair because she thought they'd be a cute couple. FML
Today, my 16 year-old daughter thought it would be a great idea to announce at our Christmas dinner that she’s expecting twins, and that she wants to keep them. She doesn’t know who the dad is. Merry Christmas to me, I guess. FML
Today, I found out the truth about my parents’ divorce and why our family is so distant. Turns out my dad had an affair with not one, but two of my mom’s sisters. And that my youngest cousin is also my half-sister. FML
Today, I found out my husband’s former mistress is going to be at Thanksgiving dinner. Why? Because his idiot brother married the tramp AFTER the affair came to light. So now not only is the whore my sister-in-law, she’s being included in every family gathering henceforth. Fuck this family and… FML
Today, I found out that my husband is the biological father of my baby sister. FML
Today, my daughter-in-law revealed to me that she caught my husband having an affair with her best friend. This was five years ago, and she is only telling me now because he stopped paying her the blackmail money to keep her mouth shut. FML
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Top comments
jbuckets_404 39
Apparently she's an even closer friend of your husband....
thatslifeiguess7 16
It's always best friend or sister! File divorce and take him for every damn red cent he has! Good grief this is why my bag lives across the USA! Seriously, my ex bff slept with my ex in my house!
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Comments (15)
jbuckets_404 39
Apparently she's an even closer friend of your husband....
Zachary8261 28
Hope to God you get everything in the divorce.
RichardPencil 32
You can still give your children a PlayStation and iPhones and win Christmas this year!
blahblabbity 19
“may”? she’s not sure who the father is?0
PenguinPal3017 19
It might be a half-brother, or may not come to full term.
NostalgiaFreak9 43
If your best friend is pro-life, for Christmas, give her pamphlets for various abortion clinics. And be sure to give your (ex) husband blue and black testicles.
thatslifeiguess7 16
It's always best friend or sister! File divorce and take him for every damn red cent he has! Good grief this is why my bag lives across the USA! Seriously, my ex bff slept with my ex in my house!
Mynxie 26
That's why I keep guy friends who are straight. No way in hell is my boyfriend sleeping with them ha-ha
lestatsbride87 3
my gay manager boasts about turning straight men, so thats not a hard and fast rule
TheMean1 6
You don't happen to be from California?
tragic1992 20
I know this feeling!!! Here right now xx
Lobby_Bee 18
"it's the most wonderful time of the yeeaaarrrr!"
Luke16eirb7deneuwn1 20
You made a spelling error there... You said she was a close friend