Today, my son came to complain that all he and his girlfriend do is have sex, yet never talk to each other. As his dad, I tried to give him good advice, but as his mom makes me miserable every time she opens her mouth, it was a struggle to think what to say. In fact, he’s living my idea of paradise. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my son asked me for advice over his girlfriend not "respecting" his pathetic need for near-constant sex. I got so bored listening to the misogynistic horseshit spewing out of his mouth that I totally zoned out. I came to as he started hurling abuse at me for not siding with him. FML
Today, my teen son came home in a terrible mood because his girlfriend won’t listen to him. I thought he meant conversation-wise, but he meant she refused to obey his commands about what clothes and makeup she wears, who she can talk to, where she can go, and so forth. My son is an asshole. FML
Today, I spent yet another lunch venting to my best friend about how much I hate my teenage son's girlfriend, thinking he should be with someone less outspoken. Apparently she got tired of listening because she eventually snapped, "Oh for god's sake, just admit you want to fuck your son already!" and left. FML
Today, my son asked his mom about sex, so she talked about love, marriage, God, affection and all that bollocks, missing the point that he wanted to know about having good sex since he has a girlfriend now, so I explained all the wet, squishy practical bits of sex. Now my wife is mad at me. FML
Today, I told both my boyfriend and my son that they needed to start spending more time together. They both asked why and what they did that I feel the need to punish them. They’re so similar, even I forget they’re not father and son, and yet for some reason they hate each other. FML
Today, my son is complaining that girls only want to have sex with him but won’t date him, so he’s afraid he’ll never get married. Funny, my wife only wants to be married to me, but won’t have sex with me. Ain’t that ironic? FML
Today, I overheard my son tell his dad that he’s in love. Without pause, my husband told him it’s temporary, it won’t last, relationships are pointless, women only cause grief, and money in the bank keeps a man warm at night better than any woman with cold feet. I’m trying not to feel insulted. FML
Today, I was having the "sex talk" with my mom because I really want to have sex with my boyfriend. My dad overheard us and is sulking. The only reason he hasn’t said anything like, “I’ll kill the boy” or, “Not until you’re married” is because he’s scared of my mom. Now everything is awkward at home FML
Today, my son asked if there was a way to make parenting easier. I sarcastically told him he could be a deadbeat who sees his kid every two weeks. He must have thought I was serious because he broke up with his girlfriend and baby, turned up at my door expecting to have his old room, and told my wife it was my idea. FML
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
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Top comments
poopface82 25
First off: get a divorce. Second off: I was in that position at one point after my ex-wife left. I was seeing a woman 15 years younger than me (she was 24; I’m not a kid-toucher) who was drop dead gorgeous and only wanted me for sex. That may be your idea of paradise, but it’s not everyone’s. It wasn’t mine and it sounds like it’s not your son’s. He wants an actual partner, not just a hookup. Far be it from me to knock two people who agree to have strictly a sexual relationship where both parties are comfortable with it. But don’t assume it’s every man’s dream. And also, again, if you’re that unhappy, get a divorce.
core01 30
JFC. You only keep your wife around to be your ******* domestic servant and so you won't be lonely. Grow The **** Up!
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Comments (2)
poopface82 25
First off: get a divorce. Second off: I was in that position at one point after my ex-wife left. I was seeing a woman 15 years younger than me (she was 24; I’m not a kid-toucher) who was drop dead gorgeous and only wanted me for sex. That may be your idea of paradise, but it’s not everyone’s. It wasn’t mine and it sounds like it’s not your son’s. He wants an actual partner, not just a hookup. Far be it from me to knock two people who agree to have strictly a sexual relationship where both parties are comfortable with it. But don’t assume it’s every man’s dream. And also, again, if you’re that unhappy, get a divorce.
core01 30
JFC. You only keep your wife around to be your ******* domestic servant and so you won't be lonely. Grow The **** Up!