Today, I was eating with my boyfriend and his family at a high-end restaurant when, suddenly, I screamed, thinking a dog had just bitten my leg. I am terrified of dogs. I kicked my under-the-table assailant as hard as I could. It was my boyfriend's adorable five-year-old sister. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had dinner with my boyfriend's family. His 3-year-old nephew came running for a hug. At the last second, he darted past my arms and bit me on the ass. FML
Today, while I was cooking, my dogs were messing around behind me. I suddenly felt a painful bite on my ass cheek and instinctively kicked back. I then realized it was my 3-year-old daughter, who was laying on the floor crying with a nose bleed. FML
Today, we were having a family dinner with my boyfriend's parents and mine. In the kitchen, when we were getting the food ready, he proposed. I screamed. My dad thought he was hurting me, came in and tased him in the leg. FML
Today, my mom's super spoiled small demon dog attacked my 3 year-old daughter, mauling her leg. Out of instinct, I kicked it away, causing it to fly across the room yelping. I picked up my daughter and took her straight to the hospital, where she got stitches. Later that night, I was greeted with a vet bill. FML
Today, I got bitten by my aunt's dog. My brother was holding the leash. He said he didn't pull the dog away from me because he didn't want to rip my shirt. Meanwhile, the dog was biting a penny-sized chunk out of my hip. FML
Today, the family dog was in the garbage and wouldn't stop eating. He is a large dog, and I had to put my arms around him and pull him out of the trash can. Well, he bit me so hard I was bleeding. My whole family is siding with the dog and saying it was my fault for not letting him eat. FML
Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML
Today, I was out running. All of a sudden I saw a dog come towards me, I thought it was going to attack me and I screamed like a girl in front of everyone. It was a puppy wanting to play. FML
Today, my sister asked me to let her dog out of the kennel when I got home. I did only to have the little beast bite me. She then ate the entire content of the cat's litter box, which she couldn't keep down. FML
Today, I was on the couch, about to make out with the guy I've been dating. As soon as our lips touched, my overprotective dog ran up and bit him. He bled. FML
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Top comments
Tehalon 0
You did a good job, kids should know its not polite to play under the table in a high-end restaurant. Do wonder why you would think a dog is walking around in a high-end restaurant...
CrimsonKnight 0
It'll teach her not to bite peoples legs or to crawl under tables when your out eating. It'll save her parents trying to teach her.
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Comments (284)
luxor21221 0
why was she crawling under the table in the first place? she deserved getting kicked, that'll teach her to crawl under tables and bite peoples legs. and to all you idiots who are commenting "why would a dog be at a fancy restaurant?", well why would there be a 5 year old crawling under a table at a fancy restaurant? you are all missing the point, it has nothing to do with a stupid dog but rather the reflex to being biten
PonTiFeX 0
Ya know? I've always wanted to boot a child, but I was having trouble figuring out how I could make it look like an "accident". This is perfect! Now I just have to find a retarted irresponsible couple with an equally retarted child and take them out for a nice dinner. God! What the hell is that? Control your children. If you can afford to go out to a high end restaurant, you can afford a babysitter, and if for some reason you cannot; at least control your Goddam child!
latuka 0
why the **** was the kid under the table in the first place? she deserved that shit.
zander09 0
I hope you nailed the little brat.
ostentatiously 0
You guys all crack me up. Children aren't pets, you don't "control" them. The woman didn't even say she was actually bit by this girl. For all we know, the little sister dropped her fork or something and accidentally scratched the girlfriend while under the table picking it up. I can't wait for you all to have children!
lesb_lv 0
She deserved this one. And yes, why that high-end family havent watched her better, not letting her play under the table? If something had bitten my leg under the table, Id kick it, too. As hard as i can...
TryToBeKind 0
You would absolutely be banned from my house, anyone who treats a little kid like that and doesn't pay attention to the fact that she went under the table in the first place doesn't get to be around my family.
cstevanus 4
u r a douche.
HAHAURLIFESUX 0
I hope you nailed that little brat in the teeth for biting your leg. Who doesn't kick at something if it bites your leg? I might have kicked more than once if I felt something biting at my leg, the 5 year old should consider herself lucky that she got off with one kick.
stringbeanjeanoo 0
if anything BIT me anywhere that i couldnt see i think i would react in the same way. yeah a dog wouldnt be under the table, but usually a 5 yr old isnt either. really, there shouldnt be sh*t under the table biting stuff. its startles you!
PTERONOPHOBIA 0
#35, I can't wait for me to have children either. Because I won't let them pull shit like mucking around under the table at a restaurant.