Today, I was eating with my boyfriend and his family at a high-end restaurant when, suddenly, I screamed, thinking a dog had just bitten my leg. I am terrified of dogs. I kicked my under-the-table assailant as hard as I could. It was my boyfriend's adorable five-year-old sister. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had dinner with my boyfriend's family. His 3-year-old nephew came running for a hug. At the last second, he darted past my arms and bit me on the ass. FML
Today, while I was cooking, my dogs were messing around behind me. I suddenly felt a painful bite on my ass cheek and instinctively kicked back. I then realized it was my 3-year-old daughter, who was laying on the floor crying with a nose bleed. FML
Today, we were having a family dinner with my boyfriend's parents and mine. In the kitchen, when we were getting the food ready, he proposed. I screamed. My dad thought he was hurting me, came in and tased him in the leg. FML
Today, my mom's super spoiled small demon dog attacked my 3 year-old daughter, mauling her leg. Out of instinct, I kicked it away, causing it to fly across the room yelping. I picked up my daughter and took her straight to the hospital, where she got stitches. Later that night, I was greeted with a vet bill. FML
Today, I got bitten by my aunt's dog. My brother was holding the leash. He said he didn't pull the dog away from me because he didn't want to rip my shirt. Meanwhile, the dog was biting a penny-sized chunk out of my hip. FML
Today, the family dog was in the garbage and wouldn't stop eating. He is a large dog, and I had to put my arms around him and pull him out of the trash can. Well, he bit me so hard I was bleeding. My whole family is siding with the dog and saying it was my fault for not letting him eat. FML
Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML
Today, I was out running. All of a sudden I saw a dog come towards me, I thought it was going to attack me and I screamed like a girl in front of everyone. It was a puppy wanting to play. FML
Today, my sister asked me to let her dog out of the kennel when I got home. I did only to have the little beast bite me. She then ate the entire content of the cat's litter box, which she couldn't keep down. FML
Today, I was on the couch, about to make out with the guy I've been dating. As soon as our lips touched, my overprotective dog ran up and bit him. He bled. FML
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Top comments
Tehalon 0
You did a good job, kids should know its not polite to play under the table in a high-end restaurant. Do wonder why you would think a dog is walking around in a high-end restaurant...
CrimsonKnight 0
It'll teach her not to bite peoples legs or to crawl under tables when your out eating. It'll save her parents trying to teach her.
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Comments (284)
nerdgrl128 0
I'm sorry but this entry is hysterical
cchamp27 0
Because dogs are always in high-end restaurants...
nerdgrl128 0
oh and as to everybody asking why would there be a dog in a resturant weird shit happens everyday so thats natural to think it was a dog or somehting obviously the kid was biting this persons leg...
Weil 0
Her parents should have spanked her ass raw for crawling around under the table. Luckily, you spared them the time.
Will09 0
2 things 1. y would a dog be in a high end resturant and 2. the girl shouldn be under the table parents should have said something
Dragoslav 0
You idiots, she was probably focused on talking to her boyfriend and his parents when all of a sudden she feels something stinging her leg, so within the next instant some electrical signals fire off and a kid gets kicked in the teeth. No wonder the human race as a whole is so stupid when so many people don't understand basic biology and psychology.
uhnonnuhmus 0
Actually, I say good for you. What the hell was the kid doing under the table and why weren't the parents doing more to curb her behavior? If I'd pulled that, my mother would have pulled down my pants and spanked me in front of the entire restaurant. A good swift kick might have done what five years of half-assed parenting didn't: Give the kid a good lesson in decorum. Further still, the little brat did something that felt like a bite, so it's perfectly natural to react. So, this is more of an FYL because you're dating someone who was raised by morons, not because you kicked a kid in the face. (This is also one of the funniest FMLs I've read, by the way.)
rathalosrocker 0
LMFAAOOOOOOOOOO SO FUNNY
CowGoesMoo 0
I'm sorry, but like most people have said, she really should be A) under the table and B) biting people! Thats not good. I mean, plenty of people would be freaked out. If something bites you, your first reaction is to lash out.
nikkireese 0
i'm shocked at how many pp don't understand the concepts of "reflex" and "logic". i'd like to know what actually happened under that table tho. . .