Today, I thought it would be sexy to cook dinner in lingerie. Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to scare me while I was cooking. I jumped and burned my boobs with boiling cooking oil. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend came home while I was making a snack in the kitchen. We started making out and he lifted me up and sat my ass on the hot stove. FML
Today, while cooking with my girlfriend, I thought it would be funny to slap her with a raw porkchop. She thought it would be funny to throw the hot cooking grease on me. FML
Today, my boyfriend was cooking me dinner. He walked away and I decided to help by giving the pan of veggies a sautee flip. My boyfriend failed to mention that he had just pulled that pan out of a 500 degree oven. FML
Today, I was trying to be sexy in the bathtub for my boyfriend. I leaned back and caught my hair on fire with the candle. FML
Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the neck while she was cooking on the stove. Apparently I scared her and now I have a nice burn mark on my head from the hot frying pan she hit me with. FML
Today, I cooked dinner for my boyfriend, hoping to impress him with my culinary skills. I burnt the garlic bread, overcooked the chicken, and managed to set off the smoke alarm three times. When I finally served the meal, my boyfriend said, "It's like a sad buffet at a middle school prom." FML
Today, I tried to make breakfast. I had everything cooking on the stove when I reached to turn on the faucet, only to find out that the head of the faucet was up the sleeve of my robe. After drying off, I went to serve my boyfriend his plate, but when I returned, the stove had caught fire. FML
Today, to impress my date with dinner, I spent hours prepping and cooking. Just as I was about to serve her, I realized I'd left the stove on and my kitchen was on fire. As the fire trucks arrived and my date looked on in horror, I couldn't help but think, "My cooking is so hot it literally set the house on fire." FML
Today, I wanted to seduce my boyfriend so I put on my sexiest lingerie and started playing mood music. As he was eating dinner, I climbed up on the table and started seductively crawling across to him. The table collapsed under my weight. FML
Today, to spice things up a bit, my wife and I were having sex in our kitchen. She was up on the counter and I moved her over to get in a better position. The stove was still hot from dinner, so now my wife has a burn that looks like a double rainbow on her ass. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
6daysoverdue 0
HOT
24788 7
Cook and lingerine?! Those two words together in the same sentence? He had it made until then. Now all he'll be seeing is the dark walls of his doghouse. FHL
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (133)
6daysoverdue 0
HOT
twilighter_644 0
heehee.....
Casualt1234 0
maybe he has a boob-burning fetish?
PumpkinTarte 0
YDI for being a stupid bimbo. Redundancy intended for emphasis.
zakkyzebra 11
wouldn't you still get burned with normal clothes on?
chelzy 0
yeah, but it's lengerie. it was supposed to be sexy. it probably got straight onto her boobs.
baddud300 6
That's what you get for not making sandwiches.
iSlowPwnz 0
OUCH that must've hurt X_x FML indeed!
A_Guy 0
Nooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!! Precious boobs got burned, that sucks so much. What kind of queer boyfriend decides to scare his girl while she is cooking in lingerie? He should learn to be more suave and sensual. I would have gone for the ****. FYL
HamsteronA 0
next time, don't cook, make him a sammich!!!
skullbashd 3
lol 120 that's funny it's wrong and sexist but it's funny
akiro525 3
anything that can splash, i dont cook naked but toast etc. ofcourse.
AntiChrist7 0
is he gay? because if i saw my girlfriend cooking in lingerie, scaring her would not the first thing that comes to mind.
divineinstrument 2
Hehe LMAO But no, he's probably not gay. Sometimes guys do stop to think about other things than sex (amazingly)
STVader 0
#25, that is utterly false. And you must be a girl.
guinness_fml 0
#34, astute deduction. I agree.
divineinstrument 2
Nope I'm a teenage guy, and I don't really think about sex that much Not all of us are horny sex addicts
thereitgo 1
that's because you're gay?
xoxo_girl 0
Lmao! That's funny! But on the bright side he can play a doctor.... ;) hahaha
MadaFaka_fml 0
totally gay!! YDI for sucking at wat u should do best, cooking. U won't see a guy hammering his hand when surprised, more likely smacking the one surprised him! ooo and also u cracked me
tubaguy42 0
so you're saying gay people don't think about sex as much as straight people?
divineinstrument 2
If you must know #55 I'm bisexual, bordering on gay But anyway, you're stille extremely ignorant. Gay/straight/bi men don't think about sex any differently. I'm just a fairly unsexual guy. Honestly, people have different sex drives, and if you really believe that every man out there is a horny bastard, then more fool you
AdorableLikeMe 0
*claps* Thank you very much. My fiancee's not a very sexual person either. (He is when he wants to be, lol)
Emi_chan 0
#52 Thanks! All the guys I've dated have been assholes. XD I'm glad to know at least there are some good people out there. XD
kissesinbetween 0
OUCH!!
emilysanftwsom 0
Why would you cook in lingerie and not atleast wear an apron? No matter how sexy you want to look, it's completely idiotic to not wear atleast an apron. YDI.
cheesefest 0
Apron + lingere = hawt. Apron + no lingere = zomfgroff. The last "f" is for "fapping".
kandi_shop_xoxo 0
what the hell is zomfgroff???
chrisgllgs 0
i think it means minus the z ohmyf***godrollingonfloorfapping lol
iTz_Mark 0
lol that sh^t is making me laugh. xD flapping!?! xD
alliemi 0
Not flapping, FAPPING. Internet slang for masturbating.
cheeeksss 29
We get that. No said flapping, though.
Seti_fml 0
Your boyfriend has obviously never been in a kitchen before... that's just not the sort of thing you ever do while someone is cooking something.
mikakarie 0
I agree..... Hot
24788 7
Cook and lingerine?! Those two words together in the same sentence? He had it made until then. Now all he'll be seeing is the dark walls of his doghouse. FHL
mcdys 0
dude, you took the words out of my mouth
flirty19 0
11= hotttt!!
netbeui435 3
hot