Today, while I was cooking, my dogs were messing around behind me. I suddenly felt a painful bite on my ass cheek and instinctively kicked back. I then realized it was my 3-year-old daughter, who was laying on the floor crying with a nose bleed. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom's super spoiled small demon dog attacked my 3 year-old daughter, mauling her leg. Out of instinct, I kicked it away, causing it to fly across the room yelping. I picked up my daughter and took her straight to the hospital, where she got stitches. Later that night, I was greeted with a vet bill. FML
Today, I was eating with my boyfriend and his family at a high-end restaurant when, suddenly, I screamed, thinking a dog had just bitten my leg. I am terrified of dogs. I kicked my under-the-table assailant as hard as I could. It was my boyfriend's adorable five-year-old sister. FML
Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML
Today, my 5 year old daughter thought it would be funny to wake me up by tickling my toes. I guess one of my reflexes acted out because I kicked her right in the face. FML
Today, I was holding hands with my daughter and she wanted to skip. When I went to skip I accidentally kneed her in the face. Everyone saw her holding her busted lip and pointing at me. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to tickle my daughter's foot, which she hates. One bloody nose, multiple scratches and 4 toe-shaped bruises later, she's the one laughing. FML
Today, instead of kissing my child's boo-boo on her finger to make it feel better, I accidentally headbutted her. FML
Today, I was pretending to be an angry bear while babysitting a 3 year-old boy, and an 19 month-old girl. I was chasing them around the house, having a great time. Just when I bent over to pick up his sister for a diaper change, the 3 year-old decided it was his turn. He bit me square on the ass. FML
Today, I had dinner with my boyfriend's family. His 3-year-old nephew came running for a hug. At the last second, he darted past my arms and bit me on the ass. FML
Today, as I was washing the dishes, I felt what I thought was a mosquito on my leg. I kicked at it with my foot only to realize that I had just kicked my adopted puppy in the face. Now, whenever I come into a room, he runs to the corner and pees. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
UmmOkThen 31
That is what we call a natural consequence..... hurts livings things and in general they will hurt you back
SophieMariff 6
Wait, so did it mean that your daughter bit you in the ass? And don't worry about it, we don't blame you for kicking your daughter by accident because it's instinct and you didn't know!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (33)
UmmOkThen 31
That is what we call a natural consequence..... hurts livings things and in general they will hurt you back
GhostFox 34
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Except there's nothing that says OP hits their dogs with any regularity- it's literally one of the most basic instincts to attack back against something that's hurt you and you don't know what it is. Unless you mean it's a lesson for the toddler, in which case- kids a toddler and didn't know better. And even if it teaches the kid that, it could still cause legal issue or cause CPS to get involved if it gets misinterpreted by someone, not to mention that being hurt by a caretaker- even accidentally- at that age can really **** with a kid's head and development, and that's in addition to the physical damage.
WeirdUS 30
Yeah but but you shouldn't be attempting to kick your dog. I had a dog, My dog bit me once because a friend got her excited and scared her. My arm was bloody, but I'd never think of hitting her let alone kicking her. Pets are reflections of their owners. Hunter S. Thompson said it best only a punk hits his woman and his dog.
WeirdUS 30
Yeah but but you shouldn't be attempting to kick your dog. I had a dog, My dog bit me once because a friend got her excited and scared her. My arm was bloody, but I'd never think of hitting her let alone kicking her. Pets are reflections of their owners. Hunter S. Thompson said it best only a punk hits his woman and his dog.
Amazingandro 15
GhostFox, I'm guessing you don't actually have kids. I am pretty sure that being Thwacked accidentally by a parent because the child bit them and the parent reacted institutionally is a near universal thing. I've done it with both my kids (nearly identical situations for one- She bit me in the butt and I reacted by smacking her in the head to get her off because DAMN THAT HURT- the other one bit me in the ankle and I shook her off with my foot, bonking her nose). My best friend had the same thing happen when her toddler bit her in the thigh. Another friend had this happen when she got bit in the arm unexpectedly. All kids try an experimental bite or 137. Yes, We all feel bad about our reaction- and we all talked to our children about what happened a why, and apologized- but I don't think her child will be permanently damaged, unless she had a future in stealth ass-biting.
Champignon_fml 19
Or the kid just learns that biting a parent in the ass is not a proper way to show affection and continues life with no harm done. I wish people stopped acting like everything that could possibly happen to a kid will traumatize them for life. Accidents happen, that's life, no need to make the parent feel guiltier than they already do because they instinctively reacted to pain.
Gwengreen 6
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Learn to discipline your dogs, not kick back! Don't see this is as F Your Life, but F the dogs and the kid's. (Said by a mother of two large crazy playful German Shepards)
Arashikage 18
Am I missing the part where it's OP's fault? Because I don't see it
RichardPencil 32
Maybe she has Assburger's Syndrome. That's where you think buns are edible.
CantTouchThat 29
I was talking to the receptionist at work (a mother of three) and she told me she bites her children back and they've stopped. I've never tried the practice myself but hey, it's not stupid if it works!!
LiitruSs 12
But that's actually stupid. How do you want them to understand it is bad to bite people if you do it too ?
kieralumina 30
you don't actually bite them hard. but they don't like it and make the connection that its not a good thing to do. kids are smarter than we give them credit for.
Talis99 26
It made them stop, didn't it, Lit?
bee delivery 5
if it's done to them they'll understand that it hurts and is undesirable and they'll make the connection that biting people in general hurts and is undesirable.
SophieMariff 6
Wait, so did it mean that your daughter bit you in the ass? And don't worry about it, we don't blame you for kicking your daughter by accident because it's instinct and you didn't know!
gamer_girl_0 8
And she needs to learn a lesson from biting an ass
kasuke06 5
I agree with this reaction. Something hits you, hit it back then figure out what it was.
AmberAlert12 13
Bet she won't be biting your ass any more!
band_geek 18
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
As much as I may lightly slap/tap my own kids around at the back of their heads (and when I say "my kids", I mean "my (church) students") now and then as a joke, and even they know I do it in a joking manner, I can't help but say that this is pretty messed up. If you're going to kick your dogs around for biting you, playful or not, and your first instinct is to actually kick them away rather than swatting them away, discipline them. Because the younger the kids are, the more they're gonna watch and copy. Next time, who knows what might happen. Your kid could end up with a black eye, and you're going to be questioned by possibly even your neighbors.
RaylanGivens 14
Ah... I agree to a point, but a kick that wouldn't hurt a big dog (I spend a lot of time around a 125 lb chocolate lab/Rottweiler mix that doesn't really respond until you use a lot of pressure, though I haven't ever tried actually hitting him) would definitely knock the crap out of a toddler (especially one that's young enough to not know not to bite). I'm torn between "dude, that sucks" and "dude, that's on you."
Aaron Caissie 6
you must have been one of those positive reinforcement kids. kids and animals sometimes need a good swat to smarten them up. kid shouldn't bite. now they know better.
IHaveThePower 18
I mean, I just raised one, so what do I know, but she stopped biting pretty damn quick when I tried the 'yelp and ignore for a minute' technique. Small children are kind of like kittens and puppies in that regard--when they realize it results in being ignored or told 'no', they stop. I've never once needed to smack my kid, and she turned out just fine.
vandj8 9
Life's hard lesson learned, I guess.
RichardPencil 32
What a pain in the ass!