Today, I was on the couch, about to make out with the guy I've been dating. As soon as our lips touched, my overprotective dog ran up and bit him. He bled. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was making out with this guy when my nose started bleeding, and it got on his face. FML
Today, I hugged my dog and kissed her on the side of the face. She responded by mauling me across my own face. FML
Today, I had a date with a woman. She brought her dog along. Everytime I touched her, her jealous male dog began to bark and tried to bite me. FML
Today, I fell asleep on the couch, only to wake up later with my dog's tongue over my mouth. That was my first ever kiss. FML
Today, when petting my friend's dog, I acted like I was going to make out with him. While I wasn't looking the dog stuck his entire tongue in my mouth. FML
Today, I saw a cute guy walking out of a restaurant. When he saw me, he smiled and to be a bit flirty I bit my lip. Too bad it started to bleed like hell. FML
Today, I reached down to pet an elderly man's dog. It jumped up and utterly mauled my face, drawing blood. As I gasped in shock and pain, the man said, "Careful, he likes to scratch." FML
Today, I had a date over for the first time. Everything was going well until my dog decided to wedge himself between us on the couch, growl at my date, and then pee on his shoes. My date laughed it off, but my dog seemed to be giving me a smug “I warned you” look for the rest of the night. FML
Today, my boyfriend got drunk and tried to french-kiss my dog. Now he has 12 stitches in his face, and he's insisting we have to get my dog put down. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided that a good time to have our first kiss was on a roller-coaster, right before a huge drop. He bit through my lip. FML
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Top comments
ChibiChibi_fml 28
If you are aware of the fact that your dog is over protective and reacts badly to things then why would you let it be in the room with the two of you while you are doing such stuff? I'd say next time lock him in another room, or lock yourselves in another room, either way the three of you should not all be in the same room.
Mylifeskool 0
no one make him bleed his own blood.
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Comments (108)
Mylifeskool 0
no one make him bleed his own blood.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Get a cat(: YDI.
fuff_fml 4
they scratch and bit too! and their claws sting!! :,(
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
then don't piss em off!
jewban 3
i think you're dogs trying to tell you something -WINKYFACE- on a side note ********** is wrong...
zkchild 0
Sounds like the kids from Cheaper by the dozen had something to do with this.
mrod10 0
**** cats.
DropTheDaggerxx 31
He bled? Blood? Well. At least you know he's not a demon.
SkullCanddi 0
Lol win
mz_booty 0
she sucked his blood dry
lefeverh3 0
that doesn't even make sense haha
mamamiaaa_fml 12
well so what if he bled. don't you bleed once a month. same thing. ahem. yes.
WallyTheWombat 0
It's from dodgeball I think.
therealjb99 7
You look kinda cute.
nikkibihm 0
haha that sucks.
JerryCedar 2
Wow I'm sorry is it a German shepherd? they tend to be over protective...
mfmylifesrsly 30
my friends German Shepard claimed me as her territory the other day cause I let her eat some chips, so when my friends beagle came over later to get some the German Shepard bit the beagle :(
lol32360 0
i thought it said dad instead of dog, but then i read it again. :P
DDPT2 4
55, That would be quite awkward. Girl screaming:"Dad you always do this. I can never bring home a boy without you biting him!"
kkutting 2
I completely agree with the fact if it was a German Shepard. My dog is that breed & they get overly attached to their owner. She'd get mad whenever I don't give her attention haha :P
rickilynn 0
my best friends presa ceniero, or somethin like that it's French, LOVES me. me and my boyfriend went to her house, and the dog is like 200 pounds and stood in between me and him the whoole time. and to make it worse.. he's afraid of dogs...
natsaysheyyy 16
That's not because the German Shepherd was "claiming you", he was claiming his food. Sounds like food aggression to me. And you shouldn't categorize dogs like that; I know many sweet German Shepherds. They're actually usually nice.
lexi365 20
make out in your room and lock the door?
boopityboppity 11
Not all rooms' doors have locks.
jakeisawake 3
... You wouldn't even need a lock to keep a dog out; just shut the door.
boopityboppity 11
My dog could open doors before it died, but it's irrelevant. I was just pointing something out.
jakeisawake 3
I knew there would be that one person to comment because of their special dog. In your case, you'd need to lock your door.
boopityboppity 11
Aha! My door has no lock! Foiled yet again!
jakeisawake 3
I didn't say you had a lock, I said you'd need to lock your door a.k.a. buy a freaking lock/chained lock. Besides, your dog isn't living anymore, so you don't have to worry about it spoiling your make-out.
boopityboppity 11
Easy there, chap. No need to get agitated over literally nothing.
Ryryz 0
^win
MrCalves 1
But there is a need for you to get mad over figuratively nothing.
jakeisawake 3
Haha, an agitated comment from me consists of inappropriate words such as **** and dumbass. I am just replying to your comments to keep the conversation going.
MrCalves 1
^agitated comment
calililly93 0
^ well played on your part.
tacobird123 7
You've gone and awaken the anger In Jake. Prepare yourself young grasshopper.
rickilynn 0
taco, although I like the name, taco, I'm not laughing at your calling someone a grasshopper. but it is funny I'm like half asleep though ahahaha
ChibiChibi_fml 28
If you are aware of the fact that your dog is over protective and reacts badly to things then why would you let it be in the room with the two of you while you are doing such stuff? I'd say next time lock him in another room, or lock yourselves in another room, either way the three of you should not all be in the same room.
nycy 0
Well, the op may not have known the dog would flip out. Maybe the op did close the door just not all the way. They probably haven't kissed in front of the dog before and didn't know. They do say babies and pets are the best judge of characters, maybe the dudes a scum bag
ChibiChibi_fml 28
That's possible but then again if he is a jerk then it's likely that he would file a report about the dog biting him, especially if he does it more than once, which can and usually does result in the dog being put down. This would definitely be incentive to keep the dog away during any future make-out sessions.
at0micmin3r 23
YDI for not keeping the dog in a locked room, stupid. STUPID!
ShadyFTW1 0
Why the **** would you need to lock the door? It's a dog. STUPID.
morgy8599 0
Locking a dog in a room for no apparent reason could be animal abuse. STUPID!
therealsuperman 0
yeah, you can't just lock a dog in a room for biting people, that's abuse STUPID
Zmeilerr 22
Oh come on! The dog just wanted some action too! Also: In before dog sex fetish/threesome comments.
boopityboppity 11
I don't know if you can say you're in before them, as yours is one.
danielle25 15
that happened to me too! my dog was on my lap and my boyfriend just bend down for a kiss when my dog just starte to bark until he backed off.. it was really funny. at least you know your dog loves you:)
stephanie911_fml 0
Tell him to suck up, and continue? I mean surely the dog is telling you that he's a bad person. & I bet the dog is jealous that you are replacing it( :
boopityboppity 11
I doubt the boyfriend is a replacement for the dog. People don't generally date other species.
jakeisawake 3
#14; I hope you aren't serious about your comment in return. I'm sure Stephanie didn't mean that the girl was dating the dog. Dogs can be jealous little bastards and do feel like they are getting replaced; especially if it's a male dog in this case.
boopityboppity 11
If everything I said were serious, then: -I would be a vicious unicorn -I would worship volcano gods -I would eat children -I would be pregnant -The world would be inhabited by giant amoebas with starfish-like powers
jakeisawake 3
Uhh, right. Though I wasn't referring to "everything" you say, just that one comment.
boopityboppity 11
Then I will help you. I was not being serious. You appear to be intelligent; surely you can see this.
IcyJack 7
Ah, the wonderful powers of sarcasm online. Wait, the ********** tidbit didn't tip you off?
JerryCedar 2
It's OK the rest if us understand you even if he does not...
danielle25 15
how is the dog going to know if he is a bad person?!