Today, I was at a bar with my friend, when I noticed a young lad at a table near to us. I thought it'd be funny to jeer and flick peanuts at him. I went to the restroom, only to come back to my friend face-down on the floor. Turns out the guy fucked him up instead, and now he won't talk to me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I decided it would be funny to give my friend a peanut that had fallen on the floor. I hid it in his food, and started laughing when he ate it. It turns out he is allergic to peanuts. His family hates me now. FML
Today, my friend whacked me in the family jewels while I was washing my hands in our college bathroom. While I lay writhing in pain on the floor, a guy at the urinal turned around towards me to see what was wrong. He was still peeing. FML
Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I face-planted. I was going to say "Fuck you" and "I will kill you." It came out as "I will fuck you." He's still laughing. FML
Today, I bumped into a guy I bullied for years at a bar. He was actually cool and laughed about it, but my stupid drunk ass kept urging him to hit me because I felt bad about it. We went outside and he thrashed me. At least we're friends now, I guess… FML
Today, I was having lunch and I started throwing crumbs at my friend at the other table. Then I accidentally hit the kid next to him. He got really mad and came over and hit me in the shoulder with a brick. A brick. He just had a brick in his bag. FML
Today, at the bank, some poor bastard got brutally dumped in front of everyone, prompting some total spastic behind me to cough and mockingly say "Loser!" The guy thought I'd said it, and started shoving me around and threatening to tear me a new asshole. FML
Today, I was at the bar and my friend and I were making fun of this guy wearing a Affliction muscle tee and bedazzled Ed Hardy hat. We were saying how he was the epitome of a douche bag and that he probably likes UFC. Turns out he's an MMA fighter and I now have a broken nose. FML
Today, I was at the gym when I saw one of my friends at the water fountain. I went over and gave him a man ass slap while he was drinking. It wasn't my friend. I now have a black eye. FML
Today, in class my friend played a joke on me by pulling my seat from under me while i was about to sit. I fell and everybody laughed at me. During the next class, I did the same thing to him. He broke his arm. He was the star of the basketball team. Nobody laughed. FML
Today, I was out clubbing, when some bloke at the bar started trying to pick fights with everyone. Trying to defuse the situation with humour, I said, "I used to be a tough guy like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee." The next thing I know, I have a broken nose. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Mauskau 36
You're an asshole
Thalankwyte69 0
thats dumb to throw a peanut at him. YDI
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (161)
docscientist 10
Did you at least make half an attempt to redeem yourself by buying your friend drinks for the rest of the night? Then again, someone who is of legal age to drink in a bar and still finds flicking peanuts at a stranger hilarious enough to even consider is likely to be too much of a douche to bother with concepts of friendship anyway.
bshinn4884 9
More like F your friends life. YDI, and by it, I mean the whoopin your friend took for you. Unless he thought what you were doing was funny. In which case you both deserve it. Dick!
TuteSweet 13
I thought you guys called the rest room the wash room?
Shrike 24
never heard that one before, but at least I've heard of this little thing called immigration
Plumeriaprincess 2
It should of been you who got beaten, then maybe you would have learned how to be a respectable indiviual your mom would be proud to say she raised you!
xXT9Xx 0
Keep your nutz to yourself an maybe youll keep your friends!
tmaster550 3
3- that's a bit of an understatement.
sleepindevil 15
You ******* dumbarse. I hope you got whooped on the way out as well.
mea_iloveskiing 26
I almost forgot to read the word "up" in the last sentence.
mtbrown 0
Don't be such a dick loser I wouldn't be surprised if your freind gave him your adress
longshot72 1
your a ********! ydi