Today, I woke up to a punch in the balls. FML

Today, while going to work, I was mugged. On the way back, I was mugged. FML

Glad to help out

Today, while at work, I was asked if I wanted to leave early. I said no and let my coworker go instead. Two hours later, I was punched in the face by one of my patients, with absolutely no warning or provocation. FML

Today, I was walking down the street to go to the movies, when I got punched in the back of the head. When I turned around, a stranger said, "HAHA! It's punch a random person day!" When I asked him why he chose me, he replied "You're ugly." FML

Today, I was punched in the balls by a monkey. FML

Today, after volunteering all day at the homeless shelter, I was mugged on my way to my car. FML

Today, I was on my way to work behind a very slow car. At a red light, the lady came over and punched me in the face for following her too closely. We are coworkers and our desks are next to each other. FML

Cruisin' for a bruisin'

Today, I was beaten up by a complete stranger for “giving her a dirty look.” I can’t see my own face. FML

Angry much?

Today, some unprovoked drunk asshole tried punching a hole through the windshield of my car. While I was driving it. FML

Today, I was walking home when a stranger came up to me and told me to give him a good reason why he shouldn't punch me in the face. I guess none were good enough. FML