Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I face-planted. I was going to say "Fuck you" and "I will kill you." It came out as "I will fuck you." He's still laughing. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I tried to give my friend a fist bump. He thought I was trying to punch him so he punched me in the face. FML
Today, I playfully nudged my friend on the shoulder. She countered by shoving me head-first into a trash can. FML
Today, my best friend thought it would be funny push me off my bike. He thought it was even funnier when the paramedic accidentally dropped me. FML
Today, I was hanging out with my friends when I tripped and a chair rolled over my foot, breaking a bone. A friend, who didn't believe me, then dogpiled on top of me and laughed as I screamed. FML
Today, I was walking to class, when a kid came up behind me and smacked me in the face a few times until I fell to the ground. I rolled over and he said, "Oh shit! Wrong person, my bad." FML
Today, while playing golf on a local course, my idiot of a friend decided to push his pushcart down a massive hill towards me. When he realized that I was going to be hit, he screamed for me to move, but it was too late. I collapsed to the ground in pain, all while he chuckled about the situation. FML
Today, I tried to high-five someone but somehow ended up slapping them in the face. FML
Today, in class my friend played a joke on me by pulling my seat from under me while i was about to sit. I fell and everybody laughed at me. During the next class, I did the same thing to him. He broke his arm. He was the star of the basketball team. Nobody laughed. FML
Today, I used the phrase "bitch please" in real life. It was funny until the "bitch" bitch-slapped me in the face. FML
Today, I was exercising, laid on my back, lifting weights over my head. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to casually sit by my feet and suddenly tickle them mercilessly. Caught off guard, I started wiggling, laughed and dropped the weights. On my face. FML
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Top comments
oj101 33
Are you certain that wasn't a freudian slip?
junkman6 22
I guess you're into that rough stuff huh?
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Comments (68)
oj101 33
Are you certain that wasn't a freudian slip?
Dracoboxer357 36
And here I thought a Freudian slip was when you said one thing but actually meant your mother....er, another! ;P Either way, if that was literally Op's reaction to getting a face plant, she could probably expect to end up doing the downward facing dog pose more often. :p
jw90 18
@ 1-no no I think that's what she really meant to say.
OMFGenesis 7
Should've ended the sentence like "I'm gonna f**k you up"
oj101 33
#44 - I can just imagine it as a TV show. Set on a rainy background, during sunset, city lights on in the background, OP says, "I'm gonna f*ck you.... (breathlessly).... up". Then OP's friend proceeds to smile, leans in slowly and kisses her. OP passionately kisses back, then suddenly draws herself away with a sharp breath, with a momentous pause. She then hesitantly smiles, grabs his hand and they run off into the twilight to get back to her apartment, in a moment of fiery passion.
Dawnstempest 17
@ 50 Really? I was imagining more of a SM moment here.... Considering this one obviously likes it rough ;).
mustabee 5
hahahahahahahha freudian for real, denying your drives leads to pychosis, so go for it. Im gona go try face plant a friend, who knows - wish me luck
Dre27 20
#50, Still a better story than twilight
fakedsincerity 32
#41... that's the joke....
Rainhawk94 27
why are we ducking bleeping ourselves
junkman6 22
I guess you're into that rough stuff huh?
\ 28
OP should keep his word and **** his friend. Hard. In the butt. No lube. Unexpectedly.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
Though there are some guys out there named Ashley, I do believe OP is a woman. She could do it with a strap on though. Nothing scarier than a pissed of chick swinging around a 10 inch rubber dick. That's a nightmare situation, or for some, a dream come true haha.
KingreX32 21
or some ****** up hentai
MikaykayUnicorn 36
Op shouls have quickly added 'up' to avoid being laughed at.
junkman6 22
I am really bad at internet things. In the past 2 days I've googled "candy crush" and now "hentai." I don't know which is going to scar my brain more... I'm thinking candy crush.
TheOnlyMizLiv 22
You're 18 and you still think your birthday is New Year's Day? I'm fairly certain 12/31 is New Year's Eve.
\ 28
Hey #107, did you know you were born exactly one week after the day of Hitler's birthday, the day of the BP Oil Spill, and the Columbine High School massacre all together?
mFUNdo21 17
well did you?
happle 21
This entire comments section is just upsetting.
mattyiscool123 26
No he didn't
leonchen7498 12
i think ashley is a girls name -_-
isallwaysme 27
ill **** you so savage my dick will be casted.
SoliDSt33L 33
Be ready for the Mods, isallwaysme.
broderickc 13
Easy there satan
isallwaysme 27
i have recently been commenting under the influence of not enough sleep. i should restrain myself in the mornings espically when i first wake up.
SoliDSt33L 33
You're going with the old sleep deprivation excuse, eh? That won't work here, as the FML community has seen it too many times. Good luck!
isallwaysme 27
argh i realized too late. Ill be the first to point out that im an idiot.
nightbirdblue 27
The sleep deprivation excuse only works, if you correct yourself before anyone does.
beautybabexo 7
Jackass.
dRpRdP 8
ur emotions came out :D !!
ischneid101 4
Home invader or butthole crusader?
hologram1991 2
O(∩_∩)O
micha090 21
nincompoop
ChenEighty 20
How insightful
maria05136 16
At least you guys have something to laugh at later throughout the years
naznafeathers 22
With your face down like that? :p
Ian7890 23
I am pretty sure they stood up and didn't just lay on their face.
TheBrochure 22
#46 - sex can get kind of tricky with both partners standing up. :P