Today, I woke up to my balls covered in Icy Hot, a big old "fuck you" note from my girlfriend, and my door slamming shut. I'm starting to get the distinct impression I shouldn't have made that off-hand remark last night about her PMSing, after she rage-quit a game of Mario Kart. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my female room-mate decided to throw away my xbox, along with a few other possessions because they reminded her of her ex. Furiously, I asked her if "it was that time of the month again." Now I can't feel my balls, and miss my games. FML
Today, I sent my girlfriend a nice "Good morning" text after I woke up. Then I found a paper note stuck to my bedroom door, in which she broke up with me. FML
Today, I get the feeling my wife is mad at me. I have no evidence to support this, except she ran me a bath with a bath bomb and a shit load of chilli powder, so like I say, no hard evidence except the excruciating burning in my asshole, peehole, ballsack, nostril and eyes. FML
Today, I woke up, thinking it was going to be a good day. However, when I looked at my phone, I saw that my girlfriend had sent me an obscene number of angry messages, which are still coming in, because I forgot to say goodnight to her last night. FML
Today, I woke up to a gift from my boyfriend: a Playboy magazine with a Post-It note that said, "Just a reminder that you're easily replaceable." I think he's still mad at me for beating him on X-box. FML
Today, my psycho ex girlfriend got up in my face after I dumped her. She said I'm going to pay and that one day, when I think I'm safe and happy, my joy will turn to ash in my mouth. When I pointed out she'd just ripped off a Game of Thrones quote, she kneed me in the balls. FML
Today, I entered my bedroom, ready to play some COD on my xbox 360. Instead, I find a note where my xbox used to be. It read "You think you can cheat on me and get away with it? Fuck you. I smashed the hell out of your stupid xbox." It was signed by my girlfriend. I never cheated on her. FML
Today, my ex-girlfriend came over to console me after a breakup. After beating me repeatedly in Mario Kart, she decided to leave. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my place unannounced. She slapped me in the face, said, "You son of a bitch." and stormed off. I have no idea what that was for. FML
Today, I was playing Mario Kart with my wife. I threw a blue shell and it hit her. She then refused to speak to me for three hours straight until right before bedtime when she called me a bastard and told me to sleep on the couch. FML
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Top comments
Paco_el_Taco 17
At least she didn't shoot a blue shell of doom at you.
iOceanus 18
Especially when playing Mario Kart. Mario Kart is a serious matter!!
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Comments (268)
gracehi 33
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Never accuse a woman of having pms.
iOceanus 18
Especially when playing Mario Kart. Mario Kart is a serious matter!!
quontag 15
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Only on gamecube.
Inheritance 10
It's always those damn orange and flying blue shells that **** you over as you almost win..
AtomicRebirth 11
@22: You've never played Mario Kart Wii, have you?
tsent8 15
^^^^^^^ both of you are wrong you aren't playing mariokart if you're not on the n64 period. (Kinda like ops girlfriend)
laurenlovesjb 20
You'd think the male community of the world would have figured that out by now, #1. I completely agree.
sens3sfailing 25
48-yes, but the only time there is reason to bring it up is when you are PMSing, and I'm not gonna be the guy to try and see if my manhood will survive a PMS comment during that time of month. I'd like to think I do this because I have the balls to, and would very much so like to keep it that way.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
It's ALL about Double Dash.
spekledworf 18
1 I second that. Nothing makes my pms rage more than when my boyfriend acknowledges it's pms
Dilwann 27
Third it. I am the only one allowed to bring it up. When he does... well, we go to sleep in angry silences.
gracehi 33
Yeah, one time when my ex and I were arguing, he asked, "Are you on your period or something?" I replied, "No. Are you?"
jackal181 7
I don't think it's PMS that's the problem, it's Mario kart. One time, I beat my brother at it 5 times in a row and he threw a controller at my head :/
saksxalmo 20
Agreed, #61. Oh, and as a side note, not all females PMS. And those who do don't necessarily have mood swings because PMS can refer to a variety of symptoms. So it's not even close to a valid remark...
cristy91 33
One day a guy will say "Are you pmsing?" and she will respond "Yes. Yes I am." and all will be forgiven. Sadly, that day doesn't look like it's happening any time soon.
evanohevan 5
I'm curious who doesnt wake up when their balls are being played with?
PB4UGAME 8
... You know less than 75% of women have PMS and far fewer have any form of sever PMS right? PMS is a legitimate medical condition, not just something everyone has.
love_me_electric 20
126 - Do you have any kind of evidence to support that number or is that just something you heard. I find it really hard to believe that only 1 in 4 women experience PMS symptoms. It sounds like one of those bullshit statistics like "only 25% of women can have orgasms"
onlychildFTW 34
It is just like when they ask "do I look good? Be honest". That's when you say "yes you do," wether or not it's true.
sens3sfailing 25
46.5% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
cameron194 9
46.573873 to be exact.. xD if you use more decimal places it looks more legit lol:p
Neonemerld 21
No, 157, it doesn't. It just makes you seem more convoluted.
MoeT8979 8
It's not spiteful, it's like saying, "you're being so psycho right now that the only explanation must be PMS, otherwise... This is just NORMAL YOU!?!?!? FML"
charvisioku 22
It's really not that much of a big deal. OP said it was 'off-hand' so chances are it wasn't spitefully meant at all. The only good excuse for being THAT stroppy is pregnancy. Then I'd understand. But period? No way, even at my worst I've never been enough of a bitch to actually hurt someone. FYL OP.
xxenforcerxx 4
#42. So true! Or the NES
msjoyfull84 0
69% of people will find something dirty about this statistic.
sens3sfailing 25
I am guilty of being the 6 in that statistic, saddly, the 9 is a blow up doll...*forever available...ladies*
goose12321 11
157- you can't say 46.57 because that would've made 142's number 46.6 cause of rounding up. It'd have to be somewhere between 46.45 and 46.54.
TalkCrazy47 7
179- Like they were saying earlier, PMS varies with each individual woman. Some don't have any emotional changes. I myself become extremely impatient compared to when I'm not PMSing. My sister's behavior never changes. I have a friend who becomes extremely depressed and cries quite often. It varies from woman to woman
tsent8 15
Mother ******* thread jackers if you want to comment do it now start talking about video games!
charvisioku 22
203: I understand that and you make a fair point but even the worst PMS doesn't excuse causing pain to another person. She needs to work on her self-restraint.
TalkCrazy47 7
I completely agree. The fact that you can act abnormally during your period does not excuse you from being rude and spiteful or harmful to those around you. It is just plain wrong. Returning to using myself as an example, I may be impatient but I actually go out of my way to be nice to people when it's my time. As in overly nice and friendly twice as often. Each woman should understand themselves well enough to know how they are during their period and counteract what ever that is, and not allowing yourself to be seduced into the mentality of "Well I do have an excuse I can use....." That is just plain ignorant.
NoOneGivesAShit 1
Yet they can make stereotypical remarks about us? Sure it's not cool that he made that remark, but it's not REALLY that bad, and she was going WAY the **** over the top.
sp00ky_fml 5
Oh wow I couldn't agree more! Unfortunately people have dubbed acknowledging PMS has spiteful, rude and otherwise inconsiderate when in reality, for me PERSONALLY, I ask so that I know how to conduct myself thereafter; not being critical, being understanding, etc. What's wrong with that? It's called open communication and mutual respect.
pie_flavor 16
What the hell is PMS?
JJJJJakkkkeee 6
Yeah, that probably was not the best thing to say...
happle 21
OP kinda sounds like a dick. :/
reallytho3 11
You don't say...
wickedninja918 1
63 theres a button for that
VeeDoll13 8
There's a button for everything!
saksxalmo 20
I'm afraid to comment because of the number of thumbs down on this thread. Ah well, it's too late for me...
jdyo3 5
Menstrual jokes aren't funny. Period
kittenvks 11
127- I agree. We wouldn't want anyone ovary-acting!
Paco_el_Taco 17
At least she didn't shoot a blue shell of doom at you.
sugarshane007 20
I'd say that the Icy Hot suffices as a real life blue shell.
tsent8 15
Then a red shell and then a blue shell again.
vocaloidtiger 12
92 - Why the **** would she bite his balls off?
tsent8 15
156 I got hungry ok
SoylentCandycorn 10
Why the **** would you put icy hot on your boyfriend's balls when he's asleep over a stupid remark?
pheizer01 10
Because PMS
shellz102 12
I agree with #1, it only makes them even more angry
obnum 19
Why do people feel the need to do that?? There's a like button AND a reply button if you really want to show how much you agree :P
littlemsweirdo 12
Well I believe although it is a stupid idea that they just want their comment to be read by more people. And hopefully get thumbed up more. Which is pointless and pathetic. I think this commenter should just start replying. I mean I personally LOVE the replies. Especially when its a long pun feed!!
onlychildFTW 34
Be nice guys, she's only 15.
littlemsweirdo 12
Wtf? Age does not matter. People on FML are completely honest to me when I often say the most ignorant and stupid things without thinking. Psh, and Im 13.
JoeGrant 12
150- it clearly wasn't meant for you. We can see by simply clicking on to your profile that you're 13, but the person who was agreeing with 1 is, in fact, 15.
RavenDesired 10
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Fail.
honeybadgerr 9
Fail?? ... On the contrary I think OP's girlfriend made a serious epic win!!!!
RussianFox 13
More like an unnecessary overreaction.
mistatrollmemeOG 0
U must be new here fox noob Russian
TrailblazerSS 5
Bitch you fail.
Senseless_487 29
5 - Yes. Yes you do.
sens3sfailing 25
60-Newton's third law of female emotion. for every male action there is a female over reaction.
bettykooler 7
197 - ovary-action! Get it! Eh!... Never mind..
Feverrotes 15
Be glad that was the end of it, as your balls could have suffered a lot worse than Icy Hot.
Ohreo 2
Icy hot on your balls doesnt sound bad... But it is
Steve95401 49
OP having his balls slathered in Icy Hot is pretty tame, all things considered. After all, his girlfriend could have gone Lorena Bobbitt on him.
cradle6 13
As long as OP can use Icy Hot on her in retaliation if she ever makes an offensive comment. Fair is fair right?
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Why would you say that? Never accuse a woman of being on her period. That's insinuating that she's being a bitch.
Shrike 24
To be fair, her psychopathic reaction proved it. But yeah, the PMS line is a no-go.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Yeah, she definitely overreacted.
Sinamoi 18
You're just jealous that your balls aren't covered in icy hot.
clueless05 12
And is a sexist comment. I'd be mad too!
b1gphil 6
#163 how is that sexist?
AtomicRebirth 11
You gotta be careful where you're aiming those blue shells dude.
fuzz97 23
Blue shells aim themselves
wickedninja918 1
ok i think it was sarcasm but its not that funny
0RedPenguin0 8
Never, never, EVER mention that a girl is on her period or PMSing. If you're wrong, she'll give you the cold shoulder, and if you're right... Well, you're in trouble
titibug823 11
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Never ever EVER say that... A statement like that is just asking for it...YDI
LiterOfCola 16
How in any way does OP deserve this? The dumb bitch girlfriends reaction proves that she's a psychotic and her PMS is unreasonable. Yea he probably shouldn't have made the comment, but you think he deserves this? Dumb.
wickedninja918 1
ok what op said was rude and uncalled for but immagine if you made a comment because your bf was being a dick and he smeared icy hot on your ****** wouldnt be ok so why sould it be in this case
mfischer 17
85 - Speaking of periods, your comment could use some.
LiterOfCola 16
I just think people should think about the difference between "YDI" and "it's your fault." I can only imagine the people thumbing me down... "He said something that's true but he shouldn't have! Burn his testicles and leave!"
wickedninja918 1
Yeah sorry, and I'm on the app so I can't edit it.
wickedninja918 1
Yeah sorry, and I'm on the app so I can't edit it.