Today, I was at a bar with my friend, when I noticed a young lad at a table near to us. I thought it'd be funny to jeer and flick peanuts at him. I went to the restroom, only to come back to my friend face-down on the floor. Turns out the guy fucked him up instead, and now he won't talk to me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I decided it would be funny to give my friend a peanut that had fallen on the floor. I hid it in his food, and started laughing when he ate it. It turns out he is allergic to peanuts. His family hates me now. FML
Today, my friend whacked me in the family jewels while I was washing my hands in our college bathroom. While I lay writhing in pain on the floor, a guy at the urinal turned around towards me to see what was wrong. He was still peeing. FML
Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I face-planted. I was going to say "Fuck you" and "I will kill you." It came out as "I will fuck you." He's still laughing. FML
Today, I bumped into a guy I bullied for years at a bar. He was actually cool and laughed about it, but my stupid drunk ass kept urging him to hit me because I felt bad about it. We went outside and he thrashed me. At least we're friends now, I guess… FML
Today, I was having lunch and I started throwing crumbs at my friend at the other table. Then I accidentally hit the kid next to him. He got really mad and came over and hit me in the shoulder with a brick. A brick. He just had a brick in his bag. FML
Today, at the bank, some poor bastard got brutally dumped in front of everyone, prompting some total spastic behind me to cough and mockingly say "Loser!" The guy thought I'd said it, and started shoving me around and threatening to tear me a new asshole. FML
Today, I was at the bar and my friend and I were making fun of this guy wearing a Affliction muscle tee and bedazzled Ed Hardy hat. We were saying how he was the epitome of a douche bag and that he probably likes UFC. Turns out he's an MMA fighter and I now have a broken nose. FML
Today, I was at the gym when I saw one of my friends at the water fountain. I went over and gave him a man ass slap while he was drinking. It wasn't my friend. I now have a black eye. FML
Today, in class my friend played a joke on me by pulling my seat from under me while i was about to sit. I fell and everybody laughed at me. During the next class, I did the same thing to him. He broke his arm. He was the star of the basketball team. Nobody laughed. FML
Today, I was out clubbing, when some bloke at the bar started trying to pick fights with everyone. Trying to defuse the situation with humour, I said, "I used to be a tough guy like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee." The next thing I know, I have a broken nose. FML
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Top comments
Mauskau 36
You're an asshole
Thalankwyte69 0
thats dumb to throw a peanut at him. YDI
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Comments (161)
Thalankwyte69 0
thats dumb to throw a peanut at him. YDI
woahbro2slow 0
I'm sorry you're a dick op.
stro88 6
Well I always say better him than you. FHL though for knowing a dbag like you.
LilBunny 0
That guy beat up your friend as a reward for throwing peanuts at him. What were you expecting OP, was he gonna give you a one way ticket to Disney World for that? YDI
Schnyduh 4
Who says the word "lad" anymore? Lol
margie2194 12
Maybe the guy is severely allergic to peanuts. You soooo deserved it.
disneyfan101 6
Guess that guy doesn't like nuts in the face...
disneyfan101 6
Guess that guy doesn't like nuts in the face...
gurlucrazy 0
YDI for being a dick lol
Turner_22 0
29- Me jackass. :P
zombicidal 11
he deserves it yeah but its kind of an overreaction for him to hit OPs friend for it
fanceh 10
How is this an FML? If anything, it should be a ISLLML (I'm so luck I love my life) for the guy, cause he was a dick to the guy and his friend took it for him. Bitch, you deserve it.
senseisuncommon 7
i only modded this to press YDI. asshole.
theaws0m3guy 4
Australians --> bars...bars --> bar fights. Hmm no biggie. This is normal for them.
BagleHead 6
That's why I only associate myself with bodybuilders or MMA fighters
z620 0
Hahahaha that sucks for him but sounds like it should be in a movie XD
Keyman1212 14
108- You're an idiot, because on the off chance that your friend gets in a fight with someone because of something you did, he's going to ******* destroy you after he finishes off the other guy.
white16sox 19
Probably not op's first time hitting other men with nuts.
AMagicalLeoplura 0
Today, my asshole of a friend got me beat up. FML
TheWindowLicker 13
1's picture is perfect for this. It reminds me of the episode of Spongebob where Spongebob throws peanuts at the huge clam, then Patrick gets blamed for it. However the ending is different....close enough though :D. As for the Fml, I have to say ydi for doing that to a stranger.
sandythongs 1
hahaha new south wales.... im guessing western sydney xD
carrie21_xo 0
Actually it's acceptable to throw peanuts at lads. It's almost the law.
cbz88 0
Lol your a Fag go play with your boys on your ship and stfu u gay ****. If the guy was was so tanked and capable of '******* destroying' OP I think he would have either done it initially or waited until he was out of the bathroom...seems more like the guy was an opportunist...u dumb American lol...ur government kills your own ppl (9/11) and u all do nothing (biggest push over country ever!!...haha and your in their navy u poof)
BagleHead 6
145 - I supply them with their roids, they would never fight me
Daralea 21
Oh noooo! :( You annoyed and provoked a guy but someone else got beat up for it. That's awful, OP, it must have really hurt your feelings. -_-
dodo116 16
Um no. No it isn't.
Mauskau 36
You're an asshole
Michael_Kelso 0
Serious. I don't understand people who are deliberately rude.
LilBunny 0
I feel bad for his friend, he should have complained about having his ass kicked for something he didn't do
Bravo11 14
Today, my friend decided to taunt another man at a bar by flicking peanuts at him. When he left to go to the bathroom, the man then decided to **** me up. FML
Hockey_Eh_ 1
what a total ass
Saltime 0
62, Great, another comment formatted to look like an FML...
ShadowLuffer 0
No shit. Haha. I liked your comment.
lifesucks1234567_fml 2
OP you are a ******* ass hole. How dare you think it Is "fun" to throw peanuts at someone. Obviously your friend didn't take part and took all the blame. So its really his life was ****** more than yours. I hope he never talks to you again.
okiidokii_fml 6
Asshole is an understatement. How would you like it if we all came to your house and threw peanuts at you! Or if your friend stole drugs and you got taken to jail? Beyotch!
JustinComments 3
I hate peanut throwers as much as the next guy, but comparing that to stealing drugs and going to jail is ridiculous.
akayc32 0
Jeez, flicking peanuts isn't exactly model behavior but no need for everyone to damn him to hell. The peanut flickee sounds like the asshole. Who kicks someone's ass for flicking peanuts at them?
carrie21_xo 0
#166 look up what a lad is and you'll see who does that and why op wasn't in the wrong. I hate lads.
BellaBelle_fml 23
171- I looked up lads as you suggested; "Lad: An australian youth subculture centred around individuals who hang out in gangs, engage in petty theft, pick fights, vandalise property and use foul language which generally involves a great deal of pig latin. They usually wear polo shirts and short shorts." I can see how they could be annoying, but it still doesn't give OP the right to 'Jeer and throw peanuts' at him. That's just annoying and immature. People deserve common decency and respect.
akayc32 0
174, doesn't sound like those kids GIVE respect
zniltiaC 19
I read that in Pearl's voice from Will Ferrell's Landlord video.
cabanaboyjuan 6
Lol he ain't asshole. It's funny bout peanuts but sucks his friend got beat up. More like FHL
hazelnutters 5
you're mean.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
The nerve of him! If you wanna show other guys your nuts, go to a gay bar, asshole :(
olpally 33
I hope op got his ass beat.. What an idiot
rawrface22 10
I'm sorry, but how do you have any right to complain?
CryMoreFMLs 15
Who hits FYL for this asshole? It sucks to be the friend though.
sin862 0
yeah so much for jeering
sin862 0
yeah so much for jeering
crazychick1269 7
Dude that sucks!
welandedonthemoo 5
Ignorant people like u deserve an ass whoopin. If I was your friend I'd beat ur ass too
lolololer 8
how does it suck for OP if it was his friend who got his ass beat? OP is the one who threw the nuts at the guy so he clearly deserved it...
crazychick1269 7
nooo it sucks because his buddy won't talk to him
Confuciussay 6
Would you talk to your friend after you just got your ass beat up because of his behavior? Pretty logical don't you think?
lifesucks1234567_fml 2
OMG you stupid bitch!! His friend got beat up when it should have been OP.... The GUY who threw the peanuts
ImFrackinBored 13
For his friend...
enonymous 9
Must have been at The Elephant Bar.
Lennes 12
And then the elephant took a stake and thrust it through his head.
slushpup9696 12
Does that make us the Peanut Gallery? Get it, cuz nuts... we're the comment section... and... ah **** it.
marialuna101 0
Ur a horrible friend
superjewwwwww 0
Moral of the story: Don't mess with the young lads.