Today, I tried to get my wife to have sex with me, she told me she couldn't because she had her period. She's two months pregnant. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. We haven't had sex yet. FML
Today, my wife actually had the balls to tell me that we can't have sex for the rest of her nine month pregnancy, because according to her, "I don't want twins." FML
Today, my wife told me she was pregnant. I don't remember having sex since last year. FML
Today, my wife came home drunk, telling me all about this amazing man she met at the club with her friends, and how she wanted to have sex with him but couldn't because she was on her period. What a present. FML
Today, my wife told me she wanted a divorce and walked out. This is two days after she informed me that she is unexpectedly pregnant. FML
Today, my coworker is two months pregnant. I used condoms with her every time, so I’m not sure how the fuck it happened. I’m the only man she’s been with. I tried to give her money for an abortion but she insists on keeping it. She knows damn well I have a real wife and kids, and I can’t afford to lose them. FML
Today, my fiancée, who believes in "sex after marriage" like me, told me she was pregnant. FML
Today, my wife told me that when she was actually pregnant with her ex's child; she was insatiably horny and always wanted sex. Too bad for me, because the current pregnancy has made her repulsed by any sexual contact. Thanks for telling me, I guess. FML
Today, I found out my wife is pregnant. The problem is she convinced me to get a vasectomy two years ago. FML
Today, my girlfriend freaked out, thinking she might be pregnant due to her period being late. I found myself reminding her that one actually has to have had sex recently to become pregnant. We've been living together, sexless, for over a year. FML
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Top comments
Wheredidgrungego 12
She just didn't want the baby to be poked by your ****.
blueocean43 2
Some women keep having periods when they are pregnant, maybe she is one of them.
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Comments (427)
ancora 1
Intermittent bleeding (if not a period) isn't uncommon during pregnancy. It sounds like you should do some reading up on what to expect during her pregnancy. Be a supportive husband, give her the option to say no guilt-free, and be a prepared father.
chrisauh 4
**** you
ChrisFDOT 0
not true, I Fu ckd a horse
randomosity11 3
This could go multiple ways. She doesn't want to have sex with you, or she doesn't want to hurt the baby (which sex doesn't), she could've lost the baby or she never was pregnant in the first place... so.
ladybuggz 0
Some women can have a period still during pregnancy. It's rare but it does happen
GrahamAker 3
Happy 4-20 everyone!
ganksta_ikm 1
get a life loser
chi_chia 6
she's having your baby, dude. i think you need to chill out. trust me, pregnancy hormones make people even crazier (aka bitchier) than period hormones. i'd say just do what she says. if you don't like it, you have the baby next time.
Death_From_Above 0
not all pregnant women get bitchier. it varies for woman to woman. some get very very bitchy and others are overly happy
dubsweets 0
jerk off.
RainbowHeadache 2
Pregnant women are notorious liars. It's a scientific fact.
mintcar 10
Haha, this made me chuckle.
NoellleBuddy 0
bahahaha sucks to be u. FYL
cetlawizard 15
OMG! wth is wrong with ur face in the profile pic? @ 20...if that's ur REAL birth year, u should b grown up enough not to make dumb 12 yr old faces in ur pics...or maybe u think u can disguise ur looks by doing a puffer fish imitation...either way....WOW!
sar12795 0
dude if she was 2 months pregnant you shouldn't be having sex with her if you want your kid to turn out normal
mariazzz 5
as opposed to turning out like you?