Today, I painted a kids room at my new nanny job while the dad "helped" by staring at my ass and telling me how hard it is to position your "junk" correctly when wearing a speedo. First day on the job. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I get to go to my new job and have the boss's kid watch me as I do all the grunt work, and he just sits there watching me, only to come and correct me on how to do my job. Oh joy. FML
Today, I got a note from my son's kindergarten teacher. During free time yesterday, he told her, "Mommy was stripping". I was indeed stripping. Paint that is. FML
Today, on the first day of my nanny job, I wanted to impress my employers with how trustworthy and responsible I am. During the sixty seconds that I went to pee, the two-year-old found a black Sharpie and scribbled all over the wall. Nail polish remover made it ten times worse. FML
Today, I started work cleaning a customer's pool. I think her husband watches too much porn because he keeps glaring at me from the windows, and I overheard him telling his wife that he knows what's "going on" and that he's "not gonna let it happen". FML
Today, while working as a lifeguard, a kid took a dump in the pool. When I told everyone to clear the pool so we could clean it, another kid promptly stared at me, stood at the shallow end right where I was standing, pulled down his trunks, and peed on my feet. FML
Today, at work as a massage therapist, I pulled down the guy's blanket slightly to massage his lower back. There were shit stains spreading from his ass crack all the way to his mid-back. When I told him, he wanted me to massage there anyway. FML
Today, I walked into the restroom at work, only to find my boss stroking and playing with himself. I have my annual performance assessment with him in an hour. FML
Today, I had to find a babysitter while I attended a mandatory work function. We were told to bring lunch and wear clothes we didn't mind getting dirty for a day of team building exercises. I guess that's what the boss calls painting the office. We don't get paid for it, and the boss is on vacation. FML
Today, I had to clean human excrement at work when the fitting room turned into the shitting room. FML
Today, I was painting my bedroom walls, when I was struck with an uncontrollable bout of diarrhea. I had to watch helplessly from the en-suite bathroom as my 2 year old daughter painted a lovely picture for me, all over my new $500 sofa. FML
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Top comments
denvan 0
You should've told him, when you wear a bikini it's harder to position your junk.
Death_From_Above 0
I like his job!
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Comments (117)
Death_From_Above 0
I like his job!
Nimmrodel 11
If he works it, she may get a raise.
Nimmrodel 11
I meant she :)
Lunaa94 6
He may have a raise too.
fluorescentadole_fml 8
that's what 12 was getting at
Lunaa94 6
"She" may get a raise? Uhuh, sounds logical :P
netherflame 0
Let me get it straight for you ass-grabbers. "If she works it, he might get a raise." #23 deserves it for not figuring an obvious typo.
Nimmrodel 11
57 I think he did work it out, then made an obvious and amusing joke.
EddieBlake 0
that would mean two typos. idiot. he still meant "she" the second time. now who's the dumbass? you.
The_Moustache 6
I thought 12 was talking about her getting a raise in pay, then 23 added to the greatness.
esu 5
sweet job
LOLatU87 0
I like ass!
chickunkey 0
He speaks words of wisdom. It is well near impossible to position my junk in a spedo.
VorpikeII 17
well unless you junk is the size of your pinkie or something like that, I'm pretty sure noone can.
EmoGiana 0
He is very wise :)
EddieBlake 0
I just let my ballsack hang out the side to make room for everything else.
darthdamian2 4
so true Its hard
FriskyTaco 0
why would you paint a room as a nanny?
intheboot 0
seriously... where was the kid?
kaylanicole1255 1
Some parents are crazy like that, making you paint a room! I would quit cuz of the dad... Unless ur making atleast a grand a week!!
polysyllabist 3
She had to paint the room because the painter was busy watching the kid, dumbass ;)
LolitaLena 16
It's really common for nannies to do housework and more in addition to watching the kids. Esp if the nanny is hired before the kid is even there. I was hired by a family 2-3 months before the wife had twins, I took her to appointments and helped set up the nursery and cooked and cleaned for her.
racer337 2
Just be happy with the fact that you have a nice ass.
fiju 15
i don't think it will cheer her up :/
Fx13mz 7
Comment of the day.
born_hustla 26
it should.. no off.
eddieyes 0
not as nice as mine just FYI lmfao
Infamous_Hawk 6
George W. Bush? You never know. He's there, but he isn't.
higgy6969 7
idiot
denvan 0
You should've told him, when you wear a bikini it's harder to position your junk.
YayaInLalaLand 0
Win!
VorpikeII 17
best comment today!!!!
trappedinthevoid 0
you win. end of story.
ceddyz17 10
we gots the making of a **** dad does nany in speedo
EmreArslan 11
Haha, i've seen that one already! Wait! Oops! No-one should know!
KristinaKreme 0
Tell the mom. If there is one. Or quit.
Thanatos1206 0
Good. Plan. 13. It's well. Thought out.
trimmerr 1
well what's your plan 33
catnip216 0
33, was making fun of the odd sentence structure of 13's comment, not the plan itself.
Thanatos1206 0
My plan? I don't have one, but I support #9's plan up there.
Andrewlostnow 3
Can't wait for day two?
thatnucca 36
Damn! Don't you just hate speedos? lmao