Today, my wife came home drunk, telling me all about this amazing man she met at the club with her friends, and how she wanted to have sex with him but couldn't because she was on her period. What a present. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I tried to get my wife to have sex with me, she told me she couldn't because she had her period. She's two months pregnant. FML
Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML
Today, I went home with a guy I met at the bar. I warned him that I was on my period, but he said it was fine. Not only was the sex awful, I woke up to find that he'd smeared period blood on my face in the dark. FML
Today, I received a text message from my wife, who had gone out for the evening with some girlfriends, saying, "I have to take a friend home, she's drunk! I'll be staying at his place. Call you in the morning." Umm… His? FML
Today, my wife got so drunk she kissed another guy when the ball dropped. FML
Today, I came home from a night out with the lads. My girlfriend refused to make love to me, saying my sperm were drunk and would raise hell in her uterus. FML
Today, I rushed home because my wife called to let me know she was feeling horny for the first time after getting over a bad flu. I walked in the door and surprise surprise, her sister had called round, wanting sympathy after her latest fuckbuddy dumped her. Romantic mood ruined. FML
Today, I got drunk at a party at our house. At the end, my husband passed out, so his best friend and I carried him to bed. His best friend is stupidly hot and I get horny when I'm drunk, so on a whim I made a pass at him. He shut me down and later told my husband. FML
Today, after weeks of every excuse not to, my wife wanted sex. It was amazing, and she had at least 3 orgasms. Instead of cuddling afterwards, she got up like someone kicked her and started bitching about all the things she could have been doing, as she got dressed and stormed out. FML
Today, my wife of twelve years got drunk and told me the best sex she’s ever had was with her first ex after they broke up. FML
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Top comments
seanseansean321 0
time to ditch her and find you a new lady :/
Laurendorcus 0
You should get her saying that on tape and play it back to the judge during your divorce hearing. :-)
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Comments (105)
seanseansean321 0
time to ditch her and find you a new lady :/
seanseansean321 0
just to piss people off. I got first comment!!! :D
thor89 0
annoy husband: I was thinking 3 way tommorow wife:Sounds good
icall_BS 0
You should **** the guy in front of your wife and you will either have new found respect from your wife, become gay and feel no guilt for ditching her, or end up in a threesome. Either way you cant lose.
thor89 0
Oh yeah if I was you I'll grow a pair a kick the other guys ass
powersmoke 0
Trust me, she already ****** him. She's just sparing you the pain.
AngryNinja 1
agreed with 41. she's just saying she didn't because she's bleeding her guts out. if she turns up pregnant, it wasn't the milk man!
FockinA 0
who cares anymore? it was funny back in the 90's. lamo - lmao
Starfire22 5
yea, sorry op but she probebly has cheated on you...
Snow_Daisy 7
Drunken words are sober thoughts..
futtgoredo 0
numba 3, key number, 3
mylifeblows32 0
someone needs bitched slapped. put your woman in her place
seanseansean321 0
yeah look at who posted the first comment, then look at my name. isn't it weird that number 1 and number 3 are posted by THE SAME PERSON?!?
JinxSNC 0
^ You must be SO proud of yourself!!! Holy shit you got first AND third!! your mother and I are very proud, son. :)
Deabells 0
agree with number 1
caltrex 0
yea t
Xuphra 0
:3
jennjennsofly 7
uh wow
ladiesman14 0
is your wife on birth control ? trust me, the weight gain is more noticeable than the periods if she is on depo provera.
Andystylish 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
FYL....but um...she was drunk. So, she might not mean it. honestly, the most terrifying thing on this planet is to see a woman get drunk..sucks
omfgjane 0
when you are drunk, you speak the truth. duhhhh
ImaginaryFoe 1
In vino veritas, my friend.
perdix 31
ImFoe, Classical Latin, FTW! ;)
EllyH 0
Hmm, well she probobly just wanted to piss you off.. looks like it worked..
Laurendorcus 0
You should get her saying that on tape and play it back to the judge during your divorce hearing. :-)
BigLostBear 0
^ this
kniickles 0
ick.
zebra_pillow 0
how ****** up tell her when she's sober and then break up with her!
jessica4456 0
damn man
armadilloz 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
**** slap jer across the face, then bang her sister or mom
aaronfuegopop 7
aw thats sad
Eddie_Paints 0
That was me,but don't worry.I would not have banged that drunk *****!!