Today, it's been 5 years I've been working for a man that won't admit he has Tourette's. He sits at his desk, twitching his head and hissing like a snake. He's also randomly said things like 'nipples', 'Jessica Simpson', 'potato peeler', etc. I feel like it's become my job to warn new employees. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I have a new coworker. Whenever he types something, he smacks the keyboard like its his wife's ass. It stresses me out. FML
Today, as always, I have Tourette's syndrome. It causes me to occasionally make a beeping noise. My boyfriend just figured out that if he beeps back, it makes me beep again. He thinks it's hilarious and won't stop. FML
Today, I found out a guy I work with has an eye twitch. I thought he was just a winker. I have been winking back all week. He either thinks I'm an asshole or am trying to seduce him. FML
Today, my boss at my new job described a client as "retarded". I corrected him with "mentally disabled". He smirked and replied "Whatever. Just explain things to her real slow. After all, she's 'mentally disabled'. And a woman." I need this job so bad that I'll have to just put up with this asshole. FML
Today, my boss is still refusing to fire my psychotic coworker, who's made it his mission to insult, annoy, bully and threaten me every day into making me quit. My boss is convinced the guy just has "assburger's" and that the company would get sued if we fired him. FML
Today, I worked up the courage to tell my supervisor that it makes me feel uncomfortable when my coworker teases me by saying a special needs client is in love with me at the residential facility I work at. Her response was, “Well, he is obsessed with you. He writes your name down hundreds of times and watches you out his window." FML
Today, at work, I wondered: What's worse than a psychotic, gaslighting supervisor with his classic "You are worthless!" and "I never said/did that!" and other variations? A combination of said character with an autistic employee who panics at every such situation to the brink of peeing themself. I hate being that employee. FML
Today, my boss shouted and screamed at me for my fuck ups that have humiliated the company and cost thousands to put right. It was only when he paused that I was able to tell him he had the wrong guy, he wanted my coworker down the hall. I’ve been here for four years and he still doesn’t know my name. FML
Today, at work my boss called me into his office because he had received multiple complaints from coworkers about a prank sound machine I have been using to make inappropriate fart sounds at my desk. I wish it was a fart machine; I have a condition. FML
Today, I had to fire an employee due to his staggering incompetence. The moment I said the F-word, he started fake-coughing, then loudly humming, then went to his desk and pretended not to hear anything I was saying. It took 3 of us to drag him out of the building kicking and screaming. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
That's funny, because I tell people I do have Tourette's even though I don't just so I can say "nipples" and "********" whenever I feel like it. Thanks for your story -- I think I'm going to add "Jessica Simpson" to my repertoire.
underpaid011 0
keep a bunch of random items at your desk. then when he blurts out "toothbrush" (or whatever) you can toss one on his desk. turn it into an office game! call it "guess what Bob wants". the winner is the person who brings in the most items randomly blurted out. the losers have to chip in for the winners bar tab after work on Friday.
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Comments (70)
YacL 15
Good luck and have fun :)
meg353 0
I wish he was my boss...
TinyDude 10
at least hes not touching himself. well not yet anyways.
cmfh88 0
**** salt
Tuesdays76 0
Is your boss Andy Samburg by chance?
Allstarr23 1
In high school I had a teacher with it. He would also touch himself, yell **** or coon muck balls, wiggle his tie from side to side, and jerk his head around. He has the worst breath, you could smell it 4 rows back. To top it off, no lie, the only had half a middle finger that he lost to a lawnmower
jmanwade 0
first comment!
bummervacation 10
.........Not really.......
443mimi 0
sounds like fun guy!
i_wuz_nver_here 31
definatly... imagine what you could do with nipples
i_wuz_nver_here 31
definatly, imagine what you could do with nipples, jessica simpson and a potato peeler ;) damn anti flood
i_wuz_nver_here 31
sorry bout the first one i sent it too soon. damn ipod
kingtz 6
Sounds like he'd be fun to hang out with for a day or two.
meg353 0
haha that made my day
PrissyPineapple 0
Maybe that's just normal for him. :)
instantmusic 4
Agreed, he might not have Tourette's syndrome at all, he might just be... ...unique like that.
ImaWiseGuy 5
that a certain type of uniqueness has a name, it's called tourette's syndrome....^^
ImaWiseGuy 5
that certain**
TheDrifter 24
Only if it's involuntary. Maybe he's working on his insanity defense for when they start finding the bodies of past employees.
HeJustKnowsBest 3
I didn't know Tourette's guy owned a business.
phatdaddy62 23
I have Tourette's and I own my own lawfirm.
HeJustKnowsBest 3
But he's my best friend. HOW COULD SHE DO THIS TOO ME!
10_4Franky 0
That must be fun. I thought that people with that disability just had ticks, not outbursts of random words.
janix_fml 0
hahaha:L
perdix 31
That's funny, because I tell people I do have Tourette's even though I don't just so I can say "nipples" and "********" whenever I feel like it. Thanks for your story -- I think I'm going to add "Jessica Simpson" to my repertoire.
mfmylifesrsly 30
Lmao boners marry me