Today, I tried to get my girlfriend of nine months to have oral sex with me. She was eating a hot dog. She then said, "If you ask me again, this is what I'll do to you." She then bit the hot dog in half. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, I was playing with my dog, when she started sniffing my face. Jokingly, I got up and started to sniff her face back and asked "Yeah, how do you like that?" She replied by biting into my face. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a nasty fight. After a few hours, she wanted to give me a blowjob, so I thought we weren't mad at each other anymore. Turns out she was still mad because she bit my penis. FML
Today, my girlfriend asked me to lick her ass. I obliged, only for her to rip a rancid fart directly on my tongue. Its been two hours and I'm still nauseous. Apparently, this was revenge for my "badgering her" for anal sex. I'd mentioned that butt play is one of my kinks, and dropped it when she wasn't interested. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML
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Top comments
KrystleLynn 0
your girlfriend rules dude. don't **** with her.
g3rusz 6
On one hand, your life sucks because your GF doesn't. On the other hand, her reaction was absolutely hilarious...
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Comments (218)
sparkey0127 0
be like if ur willing to bite it why can't u jus suck it?
oceanrain 4
Because it strains your face.
christttinaaaxo 0
whoa haha
matineesuxxx 1
dann She a kinky One!
bkullas 0
damn 9 months and she won't have oral with you. FYL.
HanzoMain 5
for real she ain't about that life
g3rusz 6
On one hand, your life sucks because your GF doesn't. On the other hand, her reaction was absolutely hilarious...
White667 0
'Eh, nine months and she won't even do oral? Something is definitely wrong with that relationship.
J0gby 0
damn op.... be a man and deal with it... maybe shes not ready.... jackass
michelleJ11 25
83, something is definitely wrong with your brain.
legendofdon 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
dump her, girls that don't give head aren't worth your time
Whateveerrr 0
#6 thats not very nice!
blland 0
#6 thats very true!
spermonyourface 0
agreed fact = head is fun for us all
monster_tamer 11
Maybe she doesn't like the idea of oral sex because she's simply not ready for it? I know I would think twice before putting something like that in my mouth without fully embracing the idea with enthusiam. And perhaps OP doesn't- or is unwilling- to reciprocate. You, #6, are an insensitive toerag.
Spac3Ghost 0
its really cute how girls are like, "shame, she wont eat your junk, doesnt mean you must dump her" and all the guys are like "if she wont suck, she wont ****, theres no luck, shaaaaaaame" lol =)
Youser 0
77 () wins.
liberal_spice 0
To be fair, I kind of understand where you're coming from. Sexual gratification is an important part of a relationship and if two people aren't on the same page and one wants something that the other's unwilling to provide then it probably won't work out.
kappaaa 12
your an idiot.
pickles2b2 4
Not all girls want penis in their mouth, ya know.
EffyFails 18
not really
rachiestarr 0
i guess thats a no? haha
KrystleLynn 0
your girlfriend rules dude. don't **** with her.
PePziNL 20
He probably wont.
YoullLoveMe 6
forget about her. ill help u out.
Maverick5762 0
I love people who post things like this. I'm tired of ignorant stuck up bible-thumpers saying YDI for being a **** or some stupid shit.
AntiTroll17 0
O.o Well, that's just wrong. You're sick.
ilysfm09 1
Wow, *****.
ninja_9881 0
ill help him out and suck his dick hard
RavenBurga 0
woah yes please
buune 0
Problem solved op
science_nerd 5
You do realize its a fake account, it's not really a girl whose account it is,
perdix 31
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Go get a fish taco, punt it at her and tell her to **** off. No BJ's in 9 months? Even if you get her to do it, she'll never swallow, so . . . Next!
darkgodxvx 4
Agreed. while her response was totally awesome; girls that don't give head aren't worth it, nevermind ones who don't swallow. As a great philosophiser once said: "Swallow b$&@%, people are starving in Africa"
KrazyKatz3 26
Love it. Bo rules ???
KRS_13 0
I've been dating my boyfriend for 10 months and I've never gave him head.