Today, I tried to get my girlfriend of nine months to have oral sex with me. She was eating a hot dog. She then said, "If you ask me again, this is what I'll do to you." She then bit the hot dog in half. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, I was playing with my dog, when she started sniffing my face. Jokingly, I got up and started to sniff her face back and asked "Yeah, how do you like that?" She replied by biting into my face. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a nasty fight. After a few hours, she wanted to give me a blowjob, so I thought we weren't mad at each other anymore. Turns out she was still mad because she bit my penis. FML
Today, my girlfriend asked me to lick her ass. I obliged, only for her to rip a rancid fart directly on my tongue. Its been two hours and I'm still nauseous. Apparently, this was revenge for my "badgering her" for anal sex. I'd mentioned that butt play is one of my kinks, and dropped it when she wasn't interested. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML
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Top comments
KrystleLynn 0
your girlfriend rules dude. don't **** with her.
g3rusz 6
On one hand, your life sucks because your GF doesn't. On the other hand, her reaction was absolutely hilarious...
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Comments (218)
atwon 0
not a team player. and men like it for the same reason that women like it done to them. don't be so selfish. We're all adults anyway.
vetter_fml 0
It's not really an FYL. She doesn't want to pleasure you orally. Not all girls are down with it. And some men are a bitch and a half to please orally. My friend's ex only stayed hard when she was choking on him, so that side of their relationship died. If she'll please you in other ways, you don't have a real reason to complain. And if you are going to be so whiny about it, maybe you should find someone else.
terriibabiiix23 0
dayummm ! dude you better be careful :/
holisterhawty 0
look if shes not ready dont get mad because ur gonna end up lonely and un loved if you dnt give her time and b a player you cant get mad when girls wont give u shit just find somthingelse for her to do dont b a jackass
lolfmlfail 0
and from all the response u can pick out the guys and chicks
butterflyhearts 0
lol yupppppp
luvvs_theatre132 0
Im a girl, and I've been agreeing with most of the guys :P and some of the girls on here are such prudes and are so uptight! I kinda like sucking ****. And the taste of cum is yummy! So does that make me a pig?
Ninjaface 0
YDI for thinking it's a one-way street. Maybe if you had offered to go first she would have been more receptive. And tell her that she can bring the hot dog.
thinmint 0
maybe your penis smells. maybe she doesn't need your pube floss. maybe your just so unbelievably massive that she is afraid your giant man beef will get lodged in her small intestine...nah don't get your hopes up, your chode smells like moldy cheese sqeezed between fat thighs on a warm summer day so FYL
neiraem 0
lmao
hasty_D 0
it's ok man you can live without it. Take the risk ! LOL
spermonyourface 0
penis tastes nice show her this
ami1043 0
so?... get over it. you have hands don't you?