Today, I tried to get my girlfriend of nine months to have oral sex with me. She was eating a hot dog. She then said, "If you ask me again, this is what I'll do to you." She then bit the hot dog in half. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, I was playing with my dog, when she started sniffing my face. Jokingly, I got up and started to sniff her face back and asked "Yeah, how do you like that?" She replied by biting into my face. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a nasty fight. After a few hours, she wanted to give me a blowjob, so I thought we weren't mad at each other anymore. Turns out she was still mad because she bit my penis. FML
Today, my girlfriend asked me to lick her ass. I obliged, only for her to rip a rancid fart directly on my tongue. Its been two hours and I'm still nauseous. Apparently, this was revenge for my "badgering her" for anal sex. I'd mentioned that butt play is one of my kinks, and dropped it when she wasn't interested. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML
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Top comments
KrystleLynn 0
your girlfriend rules dude. don't **** with her.
g3rusz 6
On one hand, your life sucks because your GF doesn't. On the other hand, her reaction was absolutely hilarious...
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Comments (218)
nathaniax3 0
lmaooooooooooooooooo
DonkeyKong145 0
yeah maybe she doesn't like oral sex, you out of that..
Vanita 1
YDI for trying to pressure her into something she doesn't want to do. And YDI for asking her while she was eating. That was stupid.
why_me_why_today 3
YDI for trying to get her to doing something she clearly doesn't wanna do. and why are all guys obsessed the sexual part of the relationship
shyanne8105 0
number twenty three is a jerk. he should burn in hell.i would never give oral. my boyfriend still loves me and has never cheated on me on top of that I believe in abstainence. your just a jerk. she deserves better. guys are inconcideriate asswholes.
KingHumanity 0
Go back to where you came from, i.e. the church. Believe in whatever you want, but shoving it in everyone's face makes you a retard. And learn some English before you insult people.
Maverick5762 0
This is what i was talking about with ignorant bible-thumpers calling everyone a ****!!! Exactly my point! :D
luvvs_theatre132 0
I love my church and my God. But I give head...I like it. And cums yummy. And I even have sex. Wooooow. I'm not going to hell for using the sexuality God gave me!
GriefBacon 0
Now I'm hungry for a hot dog. YDI for being a pest.
dahlia14 0
XDXD that made my day
TheDoors_fml 2
Haha that is hilarious, your girlfriend rocks. Don't dump her, just wait it out. Or, don't give her pleasure ;) That is, if there is any in your relationship . . .
Sparkiee93 3
Dude, she doesn't want to suck your ****, if you want it so bad dump the *****.
briedabro 32
How does not wanting to suck someone's **** make them a *****?
Rebecca1993 0
Lmao I've done the same thing OP's gf did when this one guy asked me for a bj. He got scared lol.