Today, I tried to get my girlfriend of nine months to have oral sex with me. She was eating a hot dog. She then said, "If you ask me again, this is what I'll do to you." She then bit the hot dog in half. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, I was playing with my dog, when she started sniffing my face. Jokingly, I got up and started to sniff her face back and asked "Yeah, how do you like that?" She replied by biting into my face. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a nasty fight. After a few hours, she wanted to give me a blowjob, so I thought we weren't mad at each other anymore. Turns out she was still mad because she bit my penis. FML
Today, my girlfriend asked me to lick her ass. I obliged, only for her to rip a rancid fart directly on my tongue. Its been two hours and I'm still nauseous. Apparently, this was revenge for my "badgering her" for anal sex. I'd mentioned that butt play is one of my kinks, and dropped it when she wasn't interested. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML
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Top comments
KrystleLynn 0
your girlfriend rules dude. don't **** with her.
g3rusz 6
On one hand, your life sucks because your GF doesn't. On the other hand, her reaction was absolutely hilarious...
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Comments (218)
twickr 0
Well, have you done it to her? If not, why should she? I imagine it doesn't taste nice!
jmendez52 0
my girlfriend did something like that too!! all u have to do is wait...
screwlife23 0
@23 I seriously hope ur girlfriend cheats on you with ur best friend. u deserve it. **** off jackass!!
KSerenity 0
ÓMG If She Ain't Gunna Give You Oral You Should So Dump Her Ass
scabrakazaam 0
It sounds like you pester her too much of course she won't. And if you want her to go down on you then you'd better return the favor. Offer a 69. Or is she a virgin and waiting for marriage? Hate to say it but you sound like a pig.
SheoDagana 0
There could be many reasons as to WHY she won't. Not enough information is here to really say one way or the other, so everyone really should lay off the OP. Just be patient. I was seeing a girl for well over a year before she finally started giving me head. And she found out she loved it when she did! Hang in there
ilysfm09 1
hah wow your all some ****** man ******. dont dump her op, she'll do it when shes ready, damn
SaturnE_fml 0
"Today, I hinted to my husband I was in the mood, he continued to eat. I told him I would like to make love, he took a butter knife and rammed it into the bitten part of his Pizza Pocket and looked me in the eye. He indicated the Pizza Pocket, 'This is your ******.'. 'And this is a knife'"
ipwnallmen 10
lmao !
88sforlife 0
Whoa Haha
YourSweetie 0
how romantic :)