Today, I tried to get my girlfriend of nine months to have oral sex with me. She was eating a hot dog. She then said, "If you ask me again, this is what I'll do to you." She then bit the hot dog in half. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, I was playing with my dog, when she started sniffing my face. Jokingly, I got up and started to sniff her face back and asked "Yeah, how do you like that?" She replied by biting into my face. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a nasty fight. After a few hours, she wanted to give me a blowjob, so I thought we weren't mad at each other anymore. Turns out she was still mad because she bit my penis. FML
Today, my girlfriend asked me to lick her ass. I obliged, only for her to rip a rancid fart directly on my tongue. Its been two hours and I'm still nauseous. Apparently, this was revenge for my "badgering her" for anal sex. I'd mentioned that butt play is one of my kinks, and dropped it when she wasn't interested. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML
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Top comments
KrystleLynn 0
your girlfriend rules dude. don't **** with her.
g3rusz 6
On one hand, your life sucks because your GF doesn't. On the other hand, her reaction was absolutely hilarious...
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Comments (218)
fobchick 0
well said #29, I totally agree
boopityboppity 11
Um, sorry, when I said that I agreed with mokiwolf, I was only referring to the first part of the comment.
hillaryjoyce 0
as a straight female, I say dump her ass.
eleni_fml 0
What a bitch.
TheLoneWolf87 4
OM NOM NOM
KingHumanity 0
#29: A 9 month relationship is sufficient for "problems" like that be to communicated between couples. Oral sex is great both ways, and a guy shouldn't have to ask to get it. I'd be more than happy to do it for my girl because I know we both like it. If she has a psychological/physical condition that prevents her from pleasuring her boyfriend, all she has to do is to tell him. Any reasonable guy would undestand and try to work things out. OP's girlfriend obviously has no such condition and is being vicious with it. And who says you need to open your jaws all the way for a ********? Ever known how to lick, kiss, or suck? Sounds like it's just a pathetic excuse. "Twisted views on women", LOL. Enjoy your cat, fat feminazi.
drm316 0
I lol'd :D
Soaringmuse 0
Your post is win. The end =]
luvvs_theatre132 0
I LOVE this post. Its fun not being a femnazi, for the record :P
Neon_POP 0
Girlfriend WIN. :D Also, there ARE girls out there who refuses to have sex until they're married, so give her a break.
Enzan 0
You're disgusting like most guys. Just because you dont get your nut means that she's useless? Because she doesnt help you get off she's not worth your time? Why dont you go on a hike or something. Yeah, FYL for having screwed up priorities.
WorldCupCheer 0
thank u! these comments disgust me becuz i see how girls hve bfs because they want to get to know the guy and want to be loved and then jackass nasty guys just want to get oral! this makes me want to become a lesbian
evry1_luvs_butts 7
why can't guys respect girls...as a guy I would never expect this from my girlfriend nor would I ask her too do it. you can be in a relationship without doing sexual stuff and still have tons of fun. besides by not doing sexual things you will find out if he/she is with you cause he/she loves you or just loves you for your body/pleasure
scarsnstars45 0
#6 is dead on and seven probly won't do oral either, haha! seriously though, no oral after nine months? is she catholic or just a prude?
GanjAxZermA 0
hey be glad that she's a strong women.. you don't want a bitch so you?
schwinn11 0
it's only gonna get worse the longer you're together, you need to dump that bitch and find someone more willing