Today, I tried to get my girlfriend of nine months to have oral sex with me. She was eating a hot dog. She then said, "If you ask me again, this is what I'll do to you." She then bit the hot dog in half. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, I was playing with my dog, when she started sniffing my face. Jokingly, I got up and started to sniff her face back and asked "Yeah, how do you like that?" She replied by biting into my face. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a nasty fight. After a few hours, she wanted to give me a blowjob, so I thought we weren't mad at each other anymore. Turns out she was still mad because she bit my penis. FML
Today, my girlfriend asked me to lick her ass. I obliged, only for her to rip a rancid fart directly on my tongue. Its been two hours and I'm still nauseous. Apparently, this was revenge for my "badgering her" for anal sex. I'd mentioned that butt play is one of my kinks, and dropped it when she wasn't interested. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML
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Top comments
KrystleLynn 0
your girlfriend rules dude. don't **** with her.
g3rusz 6
On one hand, your life sucks because your GF doesn't. On the other hand, her reaction was absolutely hilarious...
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Comments (218)
Erindub 0
She's gotta go. WOW I had no idea there were ACTUALLY women who won't give oral! Cheat on her with her BFF. She deserves it!
ninja_9881 0
csn i suck yur dick
taracm 0
who ever said that ignorance is bliss is an idiot.
alphatoomega 21
Probably a happy idiot, though.
relyo 0
#6 is right. If she won't there are plenty of women out there who will. Besides, she's probably a dike. Remember, if she doesn't suck, she's out of luck. Dump her.
thatsoviciouS 0
Good for her you annoying tweeb!
Jimbo2000 0
Dude, your life is gonna suck, if you stay with her. damn, I usualy get head by the second date
eleni_fml 0
Doesn't count when you're paying for it.
Zelda9678 11
O SHIT SAVAGE
zumokari 0
MLIA?
zungg 5
Time to do yoga and then DIY.
mokiwolf 0
Man you guys are some ****** up people with really twisted views on women. Ever consider she has a reason not to give head to a guy? Maybe she was abused when she was younger, maybe she has some sort of jaw problem, or is embarrassed about something. Not every girl likes giving head. It's not my particular favorite thing to do. But, then again, I have a ****** up jaw that won't open all the way so it's very hard. And the taste of semen is disgusting to me. Although, after nine months, it's probably something HE is doing. So, I think he deserves it. Asking for it constantly just makes us want to do it less, or, like she demonstrated, bite it off.
butterflyhearts 0
i totally agree
Kokihi 0
#29 is right.
luvvs_theatre132 0
I like giving head...and I love the taste of cum. Does that make me a *****?
k9494k 6
i was sexually abused for 6 years of my childhood and currently have an ear infection and i still blow my husband.
CallMeHush 1
But did she swallow?
jonny2x4 0
So she's a biter. Ask her anyway. Wonder what she'll do if you ask to put it in her backdoor.
boopityboppity 11
... So? If you actually like her, then it shouldn't matter that much. Agree with mokiwolf, too.