Today, I tried to get my girlfriend of nine months to have oral sex with me. She was eating a hot dog. She then said, "If you ask me again, this is what I'll do to you." She then bit the hot dog in half. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, I was playing with my dog, when she started sniffing my face. Jokingly, I got up and started to sniff her face back and asked "Yeah, how do you like that?" She replied by biting into my face. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a nasty fight. After a few hours, she wanted to give me a blowjob, so I thought we weren't mad at each other anymore. Turns out she was still mad because she bit my penis. FML
Today, my girlfriend asked me to lick her ass. I obliged, only for her to rip a rancid fart directly on my tongue. Its been two hours and I'm still nauseous. Apparently, this was revenge for my "badgering her" for anal sex. I'd mentioned that butt play is one of my kinks, and dropped it when she wasn't interested. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML
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Top comments
KrystleLynn 0
your girlfriend rules dude. don't **** with her.
g3rusz 6
On one hand, your life sucks because your GF doesn't. On the other hand, her reaction was absolutely hilarious...
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Comments (218)
chyeahbro 0
break up with her. come on 9 months that's kinda ridiculous
metalboxzes 0
darn. won't suck your dick.... your life sucks. the world is going to end. maybe she just wants to wait until marriage, and if OP isn't willing to wait that long for her then he isn't worth her time. ydi and gtfo manwhore.
stephyhull 4
wait until marriage to suck dick?! that's the most ridiculous thing I have ever read :') she needs to stop being so uptight and do it already!
ms_fancypants 15
She doesn't "need" to do anything. If she doesn't want to put his dick in her mouth, then he needs to respect her enough to stop pressuring her.
danii_s2 0
obviously u ask for it too much. therefore ydi. however fyl at the same time. hahaha. I hope u love her
picturescrazy 24
Yeah, if you love her, it wouldn't be a big deal. Just don't give her any oral unless she's going to do the same for you : D She's probably not ready yet.
cxavier 0
ya just because she won't have oral sex dosnt mean anything you just got to calm down and try again next month and just keep on trying
missyfayee 0
aceee :)
Spac3Ghost 0
dude! our girl wont suck your junk... lame... =)
JokingJoe 0
dduummpp heeerrrrrr
bellakaur 0
HAHAHA. best answer ever.
everyonesfucked 0
what a bitch
eyFuckmylife 0
that's what you get for being a pig! she's awesome.
luvvs_theatre132 0
She's a prude. And ftr, im a girl.
froggi_fml 0
yeah. u guys are lame for dumping a girl cuz she won't suck ur balls. I mean seriously?? that's stupid.
WorldCupCheer 0
thank u if the only reason guys hve gfs is for BJs and oral then go hire a pristitue to come live with u
changesinme 0
b
Freeze_fml 17
There's no love in this FML or it's comments.
WhatANoob 0
but I luv u
HitchHiker42 18
*its