Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
Today, I sat down for a poop. The toilet seat slid off immediately, taking me with it. I lay on the bathroom floor for a moment, stunned, still pooping. FML
Today, after having horrific constipation the day before, I finally got the rock hard turd out of my system. Things got awkward as I cried out in pain and my mom asked me what was wrong. Realizing the dining room and kitchen was nearby, I said "Never mind, it's gross!" I think she figured it out anyways. FML
Today, I went over to my uncle's house for dinner and my stomach hurt really bad. I noticed there were two toilets and sat in the prettier one and took a huge dump. Turns out I'd chosen the brand new toilet that wasn't connected to anything yet. FML
Today, I took a big, smelly, satisfying dump when I woke up. When I tried to flush, nothing happened. None of my four roommates bothered to tell me we didn’t have running water. FML
Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, I woke up and went into the bathroom and noticed a dark mass in the toilet. Thinking someone took a dump and didn't flush, I approached the toilet ready to dispose of it. That's when I noticed its whiskers and ears. It was a rat, and it was alive. FML
Today, I had to take a dump at work. I walked into the bathroom and opened a stall, only to find what I can only describe as a fecal crime scene. It was like a turd had exploded mid-air. It was so vile, my anxiety kicked in and I broke down into a sobbing panic attack. FML
Today, I was taking a dump at a public restroom. As I reached over to grab the toilet paper, I realized someone had peed on it. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
izzybd 20
You should probably go to a doctor
raesos91 26
aww, what did you name it?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (245)
r0cks0 6
Dude, what have you been eating? Foreign travel? Go to a doctor now!!
Llama_Face89 34
Looks like you have some sort of parasite, OP. Go see a doctor. That won't be the only one.
bibixx13 6
you probably have parasites. nothing to freak about. just go to the hospital and they will take good care of you! hope you get better!
Omniprism 15
Go to the doctor. You can have worms that live inside you and it's not healthy.
stevo918 3
Why do you take dumps I usually leave them
smartguy13v 2
All jokes aside, you need to see a doctor. That's a parasite, I could be wrong (as I'm not a doctor) but it sounds an awful lot like a tapeworm. They live on your intestines and basically consume nutrients that your body needs. Strangely, they do have some benefits, usually they help people lose weight without cutting back on what they eat. More good news, usually all you need to do is take some laxatives to get rid of them. Just do what your doctor says.
boo714 15
ewww dump baby
jo1231 0
Thats sort of a not to be told to strangers kinda story though
harp 9
Take a small piece of meat and tie a long string around it tight. Then swallow the piece of meat while holding onto the other end of the string. Give it a little while for the rest of the worms to attach themselves to the meat and then just pull on the string and get them suckers out.......
ZacZ 8
Sometimes I shit demons too.